


Another Side of the Story

by unknowableroom_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen, Novel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-22
Updated: 2012-06-22
Packaged: 2019-01-19 20:36:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 59,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12417693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unknowableroom_archivist/pseuds/unknowableroom_archivist
Summary: Another Side of the Story" is a Harry Potter- more specifically a Severus Snape-Fanfiction story,It starts in the first weeks of Harry Potter's Fifth Year at Hogwarts, when Professor Umbridge is tightening her grip on the school,  and ends 22 years after the Battle of Hogwarts, so brace yourself for quite a long story.We meet Billie Matthews, ...





	1. Part I - Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from ChristyCorr, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Unknowable Room](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Unknowable_Room), a Harry Potter archive active from 2005-2016. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after May 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Unknowable Room collection profile](http://www.archiveofourown.org/collections/unknowableroom).

<b>Another Side of the Story</b>

<b></b>

<b>Part one</b>

<b></b>

<b>1</b>

 

“Miss Matthews?”

Billie looked up from the flask she had been filling and met the black eyes of the man who stood towering above her.  All around them students were filing out of the classroom, apart from Emily and a handful of other seventh years who were still sealing and labelling their flasks. 

Billie got to her feet.

“Sir?”

“A word if you please”. He pointedly glared at Emily and waited until she had grabbed her things together and left, before he let his eyes travel to the remains of Billie’s potion in the cauldron. 

He was silent for a while. She had the vague impression that he was waiting until the other students closest to them were also out of earshot before he raised the topic he wanted to discuss with her. 

Having nothing better to do in the meantime, Billie picked up one of the blank labels but before she had the chance to write her name on it, he stopped her. 

“There is no need to add your name to the potion, Miss Matthews. You seem to be the only person who has managed to at least obtain the colour it was expected to have. It will easily be recognisable as yours”. 

“Thank you, sir,” she muttered, a little taken aback at this sudden praise. 

“Incidentally, Miss Matthews, do you know how we can test if, indeed, this deflating draught has been impeccably mixed and brewed?”

Billie thought for a while. “I can only think of a practical test, Professor: simply by drinking it immediately after a swelling solution”. 

His lips curled in mild mockery.

“Miss Matthews, if I were to use myself as a guinea pig for all the students’ brews – potions is a too flattering word in most cases - I would permanently find myself killed, or at least severely injured”. 

He raised his eyebrows when she snorted with laughter.

“Sorry, sir” she apologised. 

He didn’t comment but he couldn’t help marvelling at her spontaneous reaction. 

“Do you know which ingredient in the Deflating Draught neutralises the expanding effect  in a Swelling solution?”. 

“Erm… I’m trying to recall which compound causes the swelling in the first place. Wasn’t it the… histamine?”

“In combination with…?”

“Erm… I dunno. Phenol, I would say, but I can’t see how the swelling solution could contain <i>that</i>”. 

“I am impressed. I rarely meet students who make the effort of consulting the Encyclopaedia of Potions on their own initiative… The Swelling Solution does not contain any phenol, but the plimpy puss as a whole triggers the mucous membranes and even some joints”. 

“Well in that case, I suppose there must be something in the seaweed the Deflating Draught contains that stops this, because seaweed kills plimpies, doesn’t it?”

“If they eat green algae, yes.” There was a tiny flicker in the black eyes. “Very good, Miss Matthews. And do you know what exact element in the algae kills the plimpies?”

“No, I have no idea, Professor”. 

“Well that is advanced herbology, of course. Am I right in assuming that herbology lies further away from your sphere of interest than potions?”

Billie nodded. Potions was indeed her favourite subject, and of course that couldn't have escaped Snape's attention, but he had never hinted at it or shown himself in any way pleased with it. 

“A serious miscalculation, Miss Matthews. For us to be able to unravel the mysterious mechanism of magical compounds, we have to obtain a deep insight in the cells and elements our ingredients consist of”. 

“I know, Professor,” she said, “That is why last year, before I fell ill, I had been thinking about working with Professor Sprout for my NEWT assignment”. 

“And do you still have that intention?”

“I’m not sure… ”

“Why is that?”

She cast him an uncertain glance. It felt so strange to be standing here, in an empty classroom, discussing things with Snape. In all these years, she had never exchanged more than a few words with him, mostly limited to the occasional question and a “yes, sir” or a “no, sir” whenever he had asked her something.

“Well… I don’t really warm to the subject Professor Sprout suggested”. 

“And which subject was that?”

“Alternatives for knotgrass”.

“In the Polyjuice Potion?” he frowned. 

“No, not specifically. For any use. Since knotgrass is so difficult to handle, she thought it would be good to check if we can’t find the same characteristics in another plant or herb”. 

“Ingredients tend to change their characteristics when they are combined with other elements, especially in Potions. I deem it … shortsighted … to not take that into consideration when embarking on an investigation of that size”. 

Billie nodded. “Yes, I have been thinking the same. That’s why I didn’t warm to the subject”. 

It was of course impossible to perceive any expression in the black eyes that rested on her. He stood watching her in silence for a short while, and then lowered himself onto the back of the chair behind him, stretched his legs before him and kept his arms crossed. Their eyes were at the same level now, which Billie thought wasn’t much of a bonus, really. 

“Miss Matthews,” he said, leaving the subject of Professor Sprout’s knotgrass, “Could it be that, when it comes to my subject, you find little value in attending the same classes as you did in the previous year?”

Billie frowned. 

“I hope I have not given you that impression, sir”

“This is not meant as criticism, Miss Matthews.” Billie thought of the rumours about his mind-reading capabilities. At this very moment, she had the distinct feeling that there was something in those.

“I am merely making an assumption,” he explained. “You do have a natural flair for potions, and you show a more than average interest in them. Therefore, I do not think you greatly benefit from redoing the same mixtures, which, as a rule, are already well below your capacities”. 

“Oh”. 

He raised one eyebrow. “Does that utterance mean that you agree or that you were not aware of your skills, Miss Matthews?”

“Sorry, sir. You are right, I think. I don’t mind brewing them again but there is not much I learn from it”. 

“Naturally. Might I therefore suggest that you follow your own programme?”

His lips slightly curled when he saw her dark-blue eyes widen.

“Instead of wasting your time on reinventing the wheel, you could focus on other, more complicated, and therefore for you more interesting potions”. 

Her puzzled face instantly broke into a beaming smile. 

“Before you go into raptures of delight, Miss Matthews, I have to warn you that I have no intention of being in any way more lenient, just because your potions are more complex than your classmates’”. 

“I was not expecting that, sir”, she said 

“And you approve?”

“Yes, of course. I’d be delighted”, she smiled.

“Very well…” he said, a hint of curiosity playing in the look he gave her. “Then I will pass you other tasks henceforth”, and he straightened.

“Thank you, Professor”. 

The conversation thus having come to an end, she started to pack her bag. Snape, however, seemed to linger. 

After a few moments she looked up at him again.

“One more thing, Miss Matthews,” he said in reply to her questioning look, “May I ask you to be discrete about the agreement we have?”

“Erm… yes, of course,” she said, a little puzzled.

“As it is…” He thought about the best way to formulate his thoughts. “Some of us might interpret this as – shall we say- <i>favouritism. </i>It would be very inconvenient, both for yourself and me, to receive such a label”.“I understand, sir”. She hesitated and held his gaze for a while. “The present climate is not very favourable, is it?”

“Do you perceive it as such?”

She nodded, but she didn’t dare to voice her impression of the new Defence Against the Dark Arts Teacher, Dolores Umbridge, so she decided not to enter into details. 

“Well in that case, I definitely see no reason for you to be indiscrete”. 

“I won’t tell anyone,” she promised, “But how will it work in class, when I’m brewing a different potion than my classmates?”

“When I asked you to be discrete I was merely referring to the members of staff, Miss Matthews. And I would also advise you to not boast about it, or deliberately spread the word. When it comes to your own classmates, I will inform them in a way that does not lead to any inconvenient conclusions”. 

He stretched his hand towards her. For a brief moment, she wondered if he was going to shake hands with her but then she saw his fingers close around the flask on her desk. 

“A mere formality, of course…” he said and when he caught her puzzled glance, he added, “… the testing”. 

“Oh, I see!” She smiled, shouldering her bag. “Goodevening Professor”. 

“Goodevening”. 

 

“Qui-et”. 

As always, the class instantly fell silent as soon as Snape had said the word, but as opposed to other occasions, he didn’t take out his wand to conjure a new recipe on the blackboard. 

Instead, he stood staring at his students until he was absolutely sure he had everyone’s full attention. 

“As you should be aware, you now find yourselves in your seventh and last year at Hogwarts,” he began, “which is alternatively known as your NEWT-year. Being present in this Potions class implies that you have – or should have -  high ambitions to master and even excel at the art of potions making. The level of your finals will be accordingly. The slightest imperfection, inaccuracy or distraction will cause you to fail your exam. I seriously doubt that any of you should realize the full impact of this at this moment. Judging from the dreadful results of your first potion this year, it is obvious that all of you heavily underestimate the minimum level I require from these classes. Therefore, in preparation of each lesson, you will henceforth write an essay on the potion we will be discussing in the next lesson”. He stopped when an audible gasp sounded. His eyes shifted towards Alicia Spinnet, who stood staring at him in horror. 

“You have an objection, Miss Spinnet?”

 “But sir, we have four hours of potions every week! We will never be able to prepare all this when we…”

“When we prepare for the Quidditch Season?” His eyes flashed ominously and for a  moment he was silent. When he spoke again his voice had dropped to a dangerous level, “Tell me, Miss Spinnet, is it your intention to graduate and build up a career, or will you spend your time seated on a broomstick chasing quaffles and snitches at the expense of the more active population?”

Alicia shot him a furious glance but she kept her lips firmly together. There was never a point in entering a discussion with Snape, provided you dared to do that in the first place. Besides, he was right this time. 

“You may observe that an exception will be made for Miss Matthews,” continued Snape. A couple of heads shifted from Alicia to Billie now. “Miss Matthews, as you all know, is visiting these classes for the second time. And although her potions were of the same abominable quality last year as yours now, I deem it unlikely that she will fail them a second time. Therefore, she will be pursuing a programme on her own, for which, Miss Matthews, you will of course write an essay on each potion in preparation for your classes, just like your classmates will do. For myself to be forced to make this extra effort for you is work-intensive enough as such. The least you can do in return is make sure you do not waste my time and ingredients”. 

Billie, who had kept an even face, slightly lifted her eyebrows now. His insults were not uncommon, even if he had rarely directed them to her in the past. Only this time, after their conversation, she hadn’t really expected this anymore. 

It took a while before she realised that he was waiting for a reply.

“Yes, sir. Of course,” she quickly muttered when Emily nudged her.“Very well,” said Snape, looking around again, “You will now spend the rest of this class correcting last week’s brews. Carefully reread the instructions in your books; check what the encyclopaedia mentions on the subject and make sure you deliver a real Deflating Draught. You included, Miss Matthews”. 

Billie did not look up. Brewing this potion a third time was largely overdoing it. Snape knew that of course. 

“Why do you have to redo it too?” whispered Emily, “I thought yours was OK?”

Billie shrugged. She understood why Snape did this, but she kept it to herself. 

 

When she was adding the seaweed to her potion, a dark shadow fell over her cauldron and she looked up. 

“Miss Matthews,” said Snape and he handed her a roll of parchment, “These are instructions for the Blood-Replenishing Potion which you will be brewing next lesson”. 

“Oh,” said Billie, a little bewildered, “Thank you, sir”. 

She immediately started to unroll the parchment to have a look at the recipe, when she was stopped by him again. 

“You will not be able to brew it yet, Miss Matthews,” he said, “You will have to do quite some research first”. 

“Research on what, sir?”

“That will become clear as you read through these instructions,” he said, “And your potion is growing too hot”. 

Billie instantly dropped the roll and pointed her wand at the flames underneath the cauldron but it was too late. The potion had turned an ugly brown instead of the orange it was supposed to have had. She inwardly cursed.

“That will be a D, Miss Matthews” said Snape and with nasty twitch of his lips he turned and walked away. 

 

“Are you still angry with him?” asked Emily as they sat ladling their custard in the Great Hall. 

Billie shot a glance at the subject of her thoughts, who was having a conversation with Professor Flitwick at the teacher’s table. 

“No, not really,” she shrugged, “It’s the type of behaviour one can expect from Snape isn’t it. I’m not that easily shocked after seven – no eight years in his class”.

“Not shocked, Billiewiggles?” asked Fred who was throwing his legs over the bench on which she was sitting, sank down and threw his arm around her shoulder. “And what is there not to be shocked about I wonder?”

“Snape’s charming self,” laughed Billie. 

“Oh, what did he do now?,” asked George who sat down on the other side of his brother. 

“Made me burn my potion and then gave me a D”. 

“Ah, that’s old Snape, all right,” grinned Fred, “Mind you, the competition is tough for him these days”. 

“What competiton?” asked Emily.

“The Nastiest Teacher of the Year-competition”. 

“I didn’t know there was such a thing,” laughed Billie. 

“There wasn’t,” said Fred, “Merely because Snape was the only contestant. But now with Darling Dolores, it looks like he’s finally found his match”. 

“Yes, well, speaking of a nasty piece of work…!” sighed Billie. 

“Be careful when it comes to her, though,” said Emily, “Have you heard what happened to Harry?”

Billie shook her head. 

“He got himself in detention from the very first minute he sat in her class”. 

“Jeez… what for?” asked Billie.

“I don’t know,” said Emily, “Do you?” The latter was addressed at the twins.

“She called him a liar”, said George, “Said there was no You-Know-Who out there and that Cedric died because of an accident. Drove Harry up the wall of course”. 

“Oh,” said Emily, “Well anyway, I don’t know what she did to him but he didn’t at all look happy when he came out of it”. 

“I should think not!” snorted Fred, “She tortured him!”

“<i>What?</i>” exclaimed the girls.

“She made him use a sort of quill that burns the lines you write into your skin”, said George. “Ron told us”. 

“But that’s outrageous!” said Billie, “And illegal. Flogging and other forms of corporal punishment have been banned form Hogwarts ages ago, and this is even worse!”. 

“I know,” said Fred, nuzzling in her hair, “But who’s going to stop her?”. 

“Dumbledore, of course,” said Billie. 

Fred took her head into both his hands and gently turned it towards the teacher’s table. 

“Look at his chair, Billie. What do you see?”

“It’s empty”. 

“Exactly. It mostly is these days. And on the few occasions he <i>is </i>sitting in it, he doesn’t give <i>me</i> the impression of being very combative”. 

“Still, he is responsible for his students’ well-being,” said Billie, “If these things happen under his very nose he should be informed and do something about it”. 

“I think the cleverest idea is to make sure you stay out of her claws, to be honest,” said George. 

“Indeed, brother,” said Fred, “and that’s why we have decided to embark upon subversive activities”.

“Such as?” asked Billie.

“Oh, there’s all sorts of things Weasleys Wizard Wheezes provide that can make her life <i>challenging</i>”, grinned Fred.

“Be careful, boys,” said Billie a little worried, “If she made Harry write lines because he didn’t believe her lies I wonder what she’ll do if you send Wildfire Whiz Bangs at her”. 

“We will try to be more subtle than that, Billiewiggles,” said Fred as he planted a kiss on her cheek, “… But for you, I will be extra careful” he added for her ears only. 

Billie blushed. 

“Right, time to go,” said George, rising to his feet “We don’t want to keep her waiting, do we, bro?”

“No, we definitely don’t” said Fred, pulling Billie a little closer for another kiss. “Aren’t you going anywhere?”

“We’re free now”, said Billie. 

“Hm… in that case I’d prefer to have fun with you, instead of being bored to death by that old toad”. 

“Oh, go away!” laughed Billie.

“You’re heartless, Matthews,” said Fred mock- hurt, “All right, brother, today we’ll fine-tune our strategy, right? It’s high time we brought some fun back to Hogwarts”. 

 

“They’re mad!” giggled Emily when they took their leave, and then she cast a questioning look at her friend. “Fred’s still quite fond of you, isn’t he?”

“Yes,” smiled Billie, “I thought that he would have forgotten about me after having been absent for the biggest part of last schoolyear of which I spent three months in quarantaine. But he kept on sending me things and I even spent a few days at his parents’ house in the early summer”. 

“What was it like?”

“Great fun. They’re a lovely family. But then I had to join my parents and Peter in France and they were leaving too”

“On holiday?”

“I’m not sure…” When Billie was staying at The Burrow, Molly and Arthur had received a few visitors but Billie hadn’t caught much more than an occasional glimpse of them and they always left before they could be introduced to her or any other family member. After merely a week, Fred had told her that the whole family would be leaving for London, but that it was all rather hush hush. Billie had a feeling the Weasleys were involved in some sort of secret society and that their meetings had to do with the rumours about Voldemort’s return to power, but Fred hadn’t told her much about it and she had preferred not to ask him anything either.

“He’s quite different from Oliver, isn’t he?”, said Emily.

“I hope so,” grinned Billie, “He’s great fun, isn’t he?”

“And not bad looking”. 

“No, not at all” She cast a naughty look at her friend, “Perhaps you should start seeing George. He looks the same”. 

“Thanks but no thanks,” said Emily resolutely and she got to her feet. “No younger boys for me. Besides, I’ve got Roger already. I’m off to the Astronomy tower, by the way. What are you going to do?”

“I’ll be in the library,” said Billie. 

“Of course,” said Emily, “Snape, right?”

Billie nodded. 

“What is it you’re going to brew this time? A toad poison?”

“A Blood Replenishing potion,” laughed Billie.

Emily whistled through her teeth. “Well, glad I’m not the one who should be doing this! See you!”

“See you,” smiled Billie.


	2. Part I Chapter 2

                                                          2

Two weeks later, Billie was stirring the dark-green thick contents of her cauldron in deep concentration. 

She was preparing a rather complicated variety on the Memory Potion, one that made the drinker forget their own lies. In fact, it had the same effect as a Veritaserum during inquiries, but it saved the interviewer the effort of having to listen to a countless number of irrelevant stories, which were absolutely uninteresting to him, but which the Veritaserum forced the interviewee to tell him anyway.

The mixture was extremely delicate. The lizard skin, which had to be added at the end, had to be measured exactly. One flake too many at the wrong time would ruin the potion immediately. 

Fortunately, the silence in Snape’s dungeon was complete that day. Most students had drops of sweat dangling from their foreheads and found it difficult to control their shaking hands as they were struggling to keep their wound-cleaning potions at the right temperature.

Snape seemed to enjoy the tense atmosphere in his classroom. He moved soundlessly between the tables, his eyes fixed on the cauldrons. The good thing was that, this time, he kept every piece of comment to himself. If he had broken the silence, he would have startled the students and the consequences for their potions would have been disastrous. 

And Snape was in no mood for having to stay longer and watch how the students cleaned up their mess. He couldn’t wait to return to the solitude of his office. One hour of wound-cleaning potion and two hours of Longbottom had been enough to remind him of how much he hated teaching sometimes. 

He glided further to the last row and stopped at the desk where Billie was working. 

Judging from the waving moves of the mixture in the cauldron, the potion had nearly reached its boiling point. It was very important for her now to add the exact dose of lizard skin just as the very first bubble appeared.

Billie concentrated hard on the contents of her cauldron. Due to the thick fumes she could hardly see what was happening in there and was therefore forced to focus on the sound of the moving liquid rather than its sight. She was absolutely unaware of Emily’s frustrated sighing next to her and the pair of black eyes that were fixed on her from the other side of the desk. She firmly held the plate with the skin just at the rim of the cauldron and when she felt, rather than saw, the first bubble, emptied it with one sudden flick of her fingers. 

She held her breath as she waited for the result. 

For a moment, all remained deadly quiet. Then suddenly, after a couple of horrible seconds, a soft hissing sound was heard.

Billie let a deep sigh of relief, lifted her eyes and smiled radiantly at the pale face that was towering above her. 

Snape immediately turned away from her, so that the curious expression that had appeared in the black eyes passed her by.

He sat down at his desk to run through his personal notes, and when, a couple of minutes later, time was up and students started to file out of the class, leaving their potions on his desk as usual, he caught snatches of their conversations. 

 “We have to hurry, Billie”, he heard Emily Wildsmith say, “The Quidditch preselections start in fifteen minutes and Roger’s always punctual.” 

“Oh, but I’m not going to watch the preselections, didn’t I tell you?” said Billie, as she dropped her flask on Snape’s desk, “Fred’s taking me somewhere. He wanted to show me something”. 

“Hmmm…” came Emily’s meaningful reply.

“Oh, bugger off,” laughed Billie. 

And then the girls’ voices got drowned in the buzzing of the other students as they headed for the door. 

Snape’s lips curled into a mocking grin. So Billie Matthews was seeing Fred Weasley. The thought of it gave him a light feeling of revulsion. Apart from the fact that the girl had a bad taste, he sincerely hoped she was not going to be so preoccupied with the Weasley boy that she ruined her potions. 

His long fingers closed around her flask and he held it to the light of the oil lamp on his desk. 

This one, at least, was perfect. 

She had known exactly when the ingredients had to be added, even if she could hardly see what was happening inside the cauldron. This proved that she had the feeling… the special feeling which turned one person into a potions master and another one into an unprofessional, messy idiot.

Like most of them here.

But not her. Miss Matthews had a special gift. He had noticed it on several occasions already and now that he was giving her potions that demanded more than bookish knowledge, he could not ignore it anymore.

It was a relief to finally have such a student in his class. 

Meanwhile, all students had left the classroom. He quickly extinguished the fires and candles and left for his office. 

The improved version of the Polyjuice Potion he was trying to make for Dumbledore was a complete mess. It looked like syrup and, judging from its colour, he strongly doubted the ingredients had kept their original characteristics after he had added the horseradish extract.

He sighed deeply. 

In the course of the evening his temper hadn’t improved. 

The sandwiches the house elf had brought in several hours before gave a rather unsavoury impression on their plate. He took one of them, studied its spread for a moment and sniffed disapprovingly. 

He decided to abandon the idea of a late snack, extinguished the lights, closed the door of his office behind him and climbed the stairs towards his private quarters. 

“Severus,” said Dumbledore immediately after lunch on the following day, “I wonder if you could come and see me in my office tonight”. 

Snape met his Headmaster’s friendly gaze. He was painfully aware of Umbridge’s spying ears at a, to his taste, far too short distance from where they were standing.

“Of course, Headmaster”. 

In other circumstances, he would have asked Albus what it was he wanted to discuss with him. But now, the rule that prevailed at Hogwarts more than ever was to keep one’s mouth shut and one’s eyes and ears open at all times. 

Even the walls and the furniture had ears these days. 

A few hours later, they were sitting face to face in the Headmaster’s office, silently observed by Dumbledore’s predecessors. 

“I wanted to have a word with you about the Polyjuice Potion, Severus”.

Snape cast him an exasperated look.

“I am afraid I cannot give you any satisfying results yet, Headmaster”.

“Oh, but that’s not what I had expected yet!”, Dumbledore quickly assured him, “I only told you about it last week. No, I just wanted to tell you more about my intentions with it…

“You know, Severus, “ the older man said as he filled two glasses of red wine and handed one to Snape,  “It may not be a bad idea for you to seek the services of someone to assist you”.

The black eyes narrowed slightly in alarm. “May I ask you why you should make that suggestion?” 

“Don’t worry… I am not doubting your skills nor telling you to employ a full-time assistant,” Dumbledore said soothingly “I was merely reflecting that, if you have to change the recipe of such a complicated potion as the Polyjuice Potion, a pair of extra helping hands might come in useful, so that you can concentrate on the formula, while the other person keeps an eye on the cauldron”.

“I have no idea who should be able to help me without ruining it altogether”.

“Miss Granger…?”

“ _Granger_?” Severus exclaimed. He was now staring at the Headmaster in complete horror, “You cannot be serious, Dumbledore. Miss Granger’s knowledge comes straight out of books and if they cannot help her she is as useless as Longbottom”. 

“You are exaggerating, Severus,” smiled Dumbledore good-naturedly, “Miss Granger is highly intelligent. She is very quick at making links and drawing the right conclusions”.

That was correct. Granger knew the characteristics of the ingredients and their effect in a potion very well, and she worked very accurately. 

But she wasn’t his type. And she didn’t have that special feeling… Of  course, she could make a good guess at the outcome of a mixture, but she didn’t _feel_ when a potion would work or not, and in this experiment, that was absolutely necessary.

“I am afraid that will not suffice, Albus. Miss Granger needs that tiny bit more… She… she… “ he hesitated for a moment and shrugged, “She lacks a natural instinct and flair for potions, unlike…” and stopped abruptly.

 “Unlike…?” asked Dumbledore innocently.

Snape remained silent. Miss Matthews would be a far better choice, and she seemed to him easier to handle than Hermione Granger… quieter… less pedantic… less of an overall primus, but absolutely brilliant for as far as his subject was concerned.

He shook his head. “I do not intend to lose any time discussing theories with a student after hours, especially when it comes to such a delicate potion, Albus”. 

“Miss Matthews is in her NEWT year”.

For the second time, Dumbledore had managed to astonish the younger man.

“How do you know I was…?”

“School results like those of Miss Matthews always draw my attention,’ smiled the Headmaster, “I cannot recall having come across many students who systematically received more than an A from you, Severus”.

He could have known that things like that wouldn’t escape Dumbledore’s attention.

“Anyway, I respect your opinion,” Dumbledore continued, “After all, you are in the best position to judge whether you need any help or not”.

Snape nearly let a sigh of relief at that.

 “However… I have not really told you why I had asked you to study the Polyjuice Potion”. The lined face was now very serious. “I do realise the danger of this Potion. If it would make it possible for the user to change into someone else so easily and for such a long time, people might make more use of it in future, which is something we have to avoid at all cost. Bartie Crouch is still very much on my mind”.

Severus nodded. Indeed… the Mad-Eye Moody incident of the year before was one of the worst mistake they had ever made.

“That is why I have asked you to work in secret. I would like to keep the potion as an option… just in case one of us will have to take your place at a meeting of Death Eaters or during other dangerous spying activities. With an improved version of the Polyjuice Potion, that person would be a bit safer”.

“It seems very unlikely to me that the Dark Lord should not see through the cover of a Polyjuice Potion,” Snape remarked.

“Hm… I would not bet on that…” Dumbledore replied hesitantly, “If the cover is perfect and the person a good actor…” 

He thought for a moment.

“Well… be that as it may, we will probably have to make more use of it in future, … for spying with the other Death Eaters in the first place. 

 “That is why I would like to have a stronger Polyjuice Potion, one that enables us to take another form for a longer period, a potion in smaller but more powerful doses. A small, discreet bottle should be all we have to take with us”.

Severus nodded again. 

The Headmaster leaned back in his chair and sighed deeply.

“I would advise you not to abandon the possibility of an assistant like Miss Matthews too quickly, Severus,” he heard Dumbledore say. “It is never wise not to call upon the services of a valuable workforce… definitely not in these times”.

“I could ask her to work on the potion in view of her NEWT assignment,” said Snape reluctantly. 

“That is a brilliant idea, Severus,” beamed Dumbledore, “If she has not signed up with Pomona yet”. 

“I do not think so, but I will look into the matter”. 

“Excellent. Well in that case you had better not wait too long. You see, Dolores Umbridge may be looking for NEWT students to mentor too”. 

“I doubt she should be interested in doing _that_ ” replied Snape cynically. 

“Except if she does not trust a collaboration between Hogwarts professors and their most brilliant students,’ said Dumbledore casting Snape a pointed glance over his half-moon spectacles. “They might become too powerful”.“Or brew clandestine potions,” agreed Severus, “I see what you mean, Dumbledore. I will contact Miss Matthews immediately. You do realise I hope that we will have to work in the utmost discretion?”

“Of course, and I will do my best to cover up for you, if need be”. 

“Very well,” said Severus, “I will keep you informed”. 

“Thank you,” smiled the Headmaster, “I wish you good luck”. 

Snape wasn’t on the whole happy with Dumbledore’s suggestion, but if he was very honest, he had to admit that he had been playing with the idea of asking Miss Matthews’ opinion on the matter of the improved Polyjuice Potion lately.

The problem was that he was hesitant to have anyone involved in the double role he played and the agreements he had made with Dumbledore, especially a student. Even if Miss Matthews was brilliant at Potions, there was absolutely nothing about her that justified a closer relationship with her than with any other student, on the contrary: she was muggle-born…

On top of that, it was nearly impossible for him to address her without being overheard by Umbridge, Argus Flinch or some student. Especially Fred Weasley seemed to be sticking to her like glue on the rare occasions when he met her in the corridor or on the grounds.

Finally, a couple of days later, when he was standing at her desk to give her instructions for the base that would ultimately become a Wolfsbane potion, he took out his wand and cast a Muffliato spell. 

“Miss Matthews. Might I have a word with you in my office?”

“Now, sir?” asked Billie. 

“No, not now. It is imperative that nobody should know about this”. 

“Oh, “ said Billie, a little taken aback, “Well in that case, I think I could come and see you tonight, after dinner”. Fred was going to be at the Quidditch Pitch then, together with rest of the Gryffindor team, and Emily was meeting her boyfriend Roger Davies.

“Very well,” said Snape, “Eight p.m. And be careful not to be seen or followed on your way to the dungeons”. 

“I will do my best, sir”, said Billie. 

She cast an uncertain glance at Emily who was grinding woodworms in her mortar. 

“She cannot hear us,” said Snape who had been following her glance, “I will now undo that spell, however” The black eyes held hers for a few moments. “Until tonight, Miss Matthews”. 

And with a flick of his wand, he undid the Muffliato spell and continued his inspection of the students’ potions. 

The corridor to the dungeons was chillier than usual. Billie was glad she had pulled on a warm jumper over her shirt. Since Snape had wanted her to be discrete about this visit, she had left her uniform in the dormitories and changed into these more comfortable clothes, but now that she had nearly arrived at this office, she wondered if he would approve of that.

She was a bit nervous, really. All evening during dinner she had been wondering why he had wanted to see her here, on a Friday evening at this late hour. He hadn’t shown up at the main table during supper, as opposed to Umbridge who, instead of eating, had sat watching the students and taking notes all the time. 

Billie wondered what she was up to now. Things were rapidly evolving for the worst at Hogwarts.

She stopped at the heavy oak door that gave access to his office; summoned up her courage; knocked and entered.

She called herself fortunate never to have been in here before. What she had seen from his office on previous occasions – from out of his classroom – had not been very promising, and now that she was actually standing there, she found it absolutely cheerless.

He was sitting in a leather arm chair, next to an extinguished fireplace, and made no attempt to rise when she came in. Instead, he kept his eyes on her as she approached. 

She stopped at a few paces from him and waited nervously. 

 “Miss Matthews… please do sit down”.

She cast an uncertain glance at the armchair opposite him, at the other side of the fireplace, and sat down so cautiously that it looked as if she feared some mouse would jump out of it.

For a moment or so, all was quiet. He sat drumming his fingers now while his eyes were fixed on some point somewhere next to her. He seemed to be in deep thought.

She gradually relaxed and took the time to study the contents of the jars on the shelves. Even after eight years at Hogwarts, most animals or other species that were floating into them were still unfamiliar to her. She sincerely hoped she would never come across any of those on her chopboard anymore. 

“Miss Matthews, what would you do to make a Polyjuice potion stronger?”

She was startled by the sudden sound of his voice. He had lowered his arms and had folded his hands in his lap. His eyes were hidden in shadows.

For a moment she was completely speechless. 

The _Polyjuice Potion_ for heaven’s sake! 

She looked down and tried to remember what the Polyjuice Potion consisted of.  

“I… erm…” she started hesitatingly, but when she noticed that she got his full attention, she felt a little more confident, and seriously gave the matter some thought before she replied. “… I don’t think it can be obtained by simply multiplying the doses. In my opinion, the characteristics of its ingredients would be neutralised if you did that”.

Snape nodded. “Very good…” he said softly.  “I do not suppose you have any idea of which ingredient _could_   make the potion stronger?”.

She swallowed. “No, Professor”.

A thoughtful look came into his eyes. He rose and turned to the fireplace, his back towards her.

“Nor do I”, he said to her surprise.

She didn’t very well know how to react. Never, in all these years, had Snape admitted he didn’t know an answer to a question. His classes had always been perfectly prepared. He had always known an answer to the few questions that had been raised and he had known a remedy for every problem. 

In other words; he had always been very careful never to harm his image of uncompromising and indisputable authority in his subject.

This unsuspected turn of events was therefore very unusual, but it also made him a little more accessible, which is why she suddenly got the courage to ask him the question that had been on her lips from the beginning.

“May I ask you why you would like to make the Polyjuice Potion stronger, sir?” . 

She regretted her question immediately when he abruptly turned around and pinned her down into her chair with an ice-cold look. 

“No, because that is not of your concern”.

She should have known. Snape was not the kind of person who would tell her about his intentions. Fred had told her how he was involved in a secret organisation under Dumbledore and spied at the same time, and yet, no one really knew whether he was reliable or not. According to Fred, he acted even more suspiciously nowadays than he had done before.

And that fact was confirmed when, to her horror, he suddenly came closer, a menacing look in the eyes that were boring into hers.

“And come to think of it, Miss Matthews, I would highly appreciate it if you did not mention the subject of this conversation to anybody else. I do hope you _can_ keep some kind of discretion”.

Very gradually, a new sensation took possession of her… fear. 

Why did he sound so menacing? He was clearly up to something… something that had to be kept a secret, no doubt. 

She suddenly thought about Mad-Eye Moody. 

With their eyes still locked he had no trouble recognizing the fear in hers. He took a step back and all of a sudden, something changed in his appearance. 

“Miss Matthews,” he said, sounding a little more friendly, “Now is not the time for you to worry about the reason for these questions. I assure you that this is a purely scientific research for which I would like to seek your assistance”. 

“My assistance?” she muttered.

“I am fully aware that this is far beyond NEWT level and yet; if anyone can help me with this potion it is you”. 

He let his words sink in for a while and sat down again.

“Professor Dumbledore asked me to work on this, Miss Matthews,” he said to her relief, “and as it is, we are running out of time. If we could manage to have it finished this year, together, the advantage will be double. Professor Dumbledore would be in the possession of a very useful means of protection and you would be rewarded with top marks, for very few students have ever embarked on such an ambitious project for their NEWTS, let alone been successful in it”. 

“So you would like me to work on it for my NEWT assignment, sir?”

“Indeed”. 

“But I have no idea where to start. It seems like an impossible task”. 

“You do not have to worry. As I said, you will merely function as my assistant. We will be working on this together. And I have done quite some preparation work already”. 

“Is that allowed, sir?”

He raised his eyebrows. “A teacher is supposed to be mentoring his students’ essays, Miss Matthews. Nobody has ever defined how far this mentoring can go. Furthermore, the nature of your essay will be such that, even if it were generally known that I helped you, and even if we did not manage to improve the potion, your results will still be very high”. 

“Why is that?”

“Because you will of course take notes and analyse theories on your own, which you will have to defend in front of the NEWT examination committee. I have no doubt that you will perform this task very well, especially since, by that time, your knowledge will dramatically have increased, simply by having worked with me during all these months”.

He clearly isn’t of the very humble type, Billie reflected. 

“So what do you think?”

Billie sat thinking for a while.

“I find the idea attractive, Professor” she finally said, “If, indeed, Professor Dumbledore knows about it”. 

She met his dark gaze again.

“So if I were to run into Professor Dumbledore, you would see no harm in me discussing it with him?”

He slightly raised his eyebrows. “Not at all, although I see no reason why you should want to do so, unless you were merely checking if I spoke the truth”. 

She blushed. 

“I see. Well of course my reply to your question is not saying a lot, if I may say so, since I deem the chances low that you should run into the Headmaster alone _and_ have the chance to discuss our project with him. As I said before, Professor Dumbledore gave me the order, but nobody else is to know about this; no teachers and definitely no students, so addressing the Headmaster on this matter in the presence of a third party is out of the question”. 

“But then, how are we going to work on this, Professor, if no one is to know?”

“I suggest you come to see me on Saturday mornings”. 

Great, thought Billie. Most students had a lie-in then, as well as most of the staff - except if there was a Quidditch game of course - while she would be sitting here, in this chilly room with Snape.

“Still, you may have to confide in your closest friend,” said Snape, “They may have to cover up for you if any inconvenient questions arise. Do you have such a friend?”

“I can completely rely on Emily, sir,” said Billie. As it was, both girls had done a great deal of covering up lately: every time Billie spent time with Fred in the Room of Requirements or when Emily did the same with Roger they had made sure they had an explanation at the ready in case anyone asked awkward questions.

“I am not sure about Mr Weasley, Miss Matthews”. Something evil flashed in his black eyes now. 

“I trust Fred”, said Billie defiantly, “If I don’t say anything about the nature of the potion we are working on, I’m sure it won’t hurt if he knows I’m working on my NEWT essay with you?”

“Not really, if you can be a hundred percent sure of his discretion. You see, Miss Mattthews, under no circumstance should Dolores Umbridge hear that I am working with you on your NEWTS”. 

“But you said yourself that this is what a teacher is supposed to do, sir”

“Not in this case”. 

He caught her non-understanding look and sighed. 

“Never mind, Miss Matthews. You will understand in due time. Am I to expect you in this office tomorrow morning?”

She nodded. “What time should I be here, sir?”

“Eight. And please do not go to the Great Hall. You can have your breakfast here”. 

No lie-in, no extra-large Saturday morning-breakfast… he was asking quite a lot. 

“It is for your own safety, Miss Matthews,” he said, reading her mind once more, “As I said, I want you to be very careful”. 

“All right”, sighed Billie. 

“Good”, he said approvingly, “Well goodnight then and thank you”. 

Hm… thanked by Snape. It seemed to be an evening full of surprises.

“But what do I tell Fred?” asked Emily.

“Just tell him that I’m working on my NEWTS,” said Billie as she pulled on her nightshirt, “Don’t worry. I’ll explain it all to him later”. 

Emily gave her an uncertain look. 

“Strange, isn’t it?” she said.

“Yeah, a bit,” said Billie as she climbed into her four-poster bed. 

“He must have great confidence in you if he wants you to help him”. 

“I think he’s been testing me, to be honest”. 

“Testing you? How?”

“The potions he’s giving me in class: they’re terribly complicated but I’ve managed to brew them anyway. I suppose that was a signal for him to get in touch with me ”. 

“You spend a lot of time in the library for them,” said Emily, “You’ll have to be careful, Billie. I wonder how you still manage to do your other stuff”. 

“My marks aren’t great,” admitted Billie, “I barely survive transfiguration and charms. I’m nearly grateful to Umbridge for feeding us children’s books”. 

“Yes well… Did you hear about Harry’s DADA lessons?”

Billie frowned. “No?”

“Harry started a secret club, to help us better defend ourselves. Hasn’t Fred told you? They’ll meet at the Hog’s Head tomorrow morning”. 

“I’m in Snape’s office tomorrow morning”. 

“Yeah, I know. And I’m meeting Professor Flitwick then. Still, it would be good if we could join that club, you know”. 

“Where will we find the time to do that?” sighed Billie, “Now that I’m losing Saturday mornings as well, I’ll probably spend the rest of my weekends doing homework”. 

“I know…” said Emily, “Well… let’s wait and see what Fred and George have to say. Perhaps the lessons won’t be that interesting after all. Harry’s just a fifth year, and I don’t think he has learnt a lot in the last years”. 

“Nor we”. 

“We can’t complain, really. Mrs Macrame was quite good in the first year, and Quirell too, despite his stutter. And Lupin and Mad-Eye-Moody, or whoever he was, too”. 

“We could have learnt a lot more”. 

“Yes, but it’s a start at least”. 

“We need practice, Emily. Reading a silly book all year won’t get us ready for whatever it is we have to get ready for. Yes, we have learnt spells in the last years, but we will never be quick enough if we really find ourselves in a fight”. 

“I know. We probably won’t have the time to think about the most appropriate spell to use if we find ourselves in a battle”. Emily cast Billie a worried glance. “Is it that bad, do you think? Do we have to think in terms of battles and attacks?” 

“I dunno,” sighed Billie, “I thought it was funny how Snape kept on telling me to be discrete and careful and things, especially with Umbridge”.“Did he warn you against Umbridge?”

“Yes… more or less. Anyway, it’s time to sleep”

“Yep. ‘Night Billie. I won’t join you when you get up you know”. 

“Don’t worry. I don’t expect you to show that much solidarity”. 


	3. Part I Chapter 3

3

 

When she knocked on Snape’s door the following morning, she felt more like running away and seeking shelter in her warm bed again instead of going on with this NEWT thing. She had no idea what was going to happen today, but during their talk on the evening before it had become clear that Snape had extremely high expectations of her, and she wasn’t sure she would be able to fulfil them. 

She had poorly slept that night too: sleep had come in snatches with long breaks in between, during which she had been revising the Polyjuice Potion Recipe and the characteristics of its ingredients – for which she had jumped out of bed a couple of times to check some forgotten detail in her encyclopaedia; and the dreams had been haunted by scenarios she couldn’t remember when she woke up  but which left her nervous and insecure anyway.

“Come”.

Well at least, <i>he</i> was awake. 

“Good morning, Professor,” she muttered as she entered his office.“Good morning”. 

He was leaning his back against one of the pillars, sipping from his coffee from which escaped a thin line of vapour. 

It was, again, chilly in his office, if not ice-cold. Billie shivered in her woollen dress. She wouldn’t be surprised if steam came out of her mouth when she spoke.

“Help yourself, Miss Matthews,” he said with a glance at the cups and sandwiches the house elf had laid out on the table. 

“No, thank you, Professor, I’m not hungry”. 

Apart from the slightly raised eyebrow he didn’t comment but straightened instead and lead the way to a round table, on which several cauldrons stood boiling, simmering, bubbling or stewing. 

“What do you think these are, Miss Matthews?”. 

Billie shot a glance at the content of each cauldron. 

“The various stages of the brewing process, I should think, sir”, she said. 

“Or the most important ones,” agreed Snape, “Very good. If you look into that file, you will find a record of the various experiments I have carried out so far”. 

It was a very detailed, well-structured document that listed the various ingredients and their effect when they had been added to the potion in higher quantities. 

“As you can see, these experiments prove your theory that merely increasing the doses does not influence the Polyjuice Potion’s capacity”. 

Their eyes met over the rim of the file Billie was holding.

“In my opinion”, he continued, “we have two options now. Any idea what those could be?”

“Either work on the compounds, or see if an alternative ingredient could make the potion stronger, I should think”. 

“Yes. And both procedures will be extremely labour-intensive, of course, but I am afraid we have no other option”. 

“It could take years, sir, especially if we have to look for an alternative ingredient”. 

“Which is why we will be focusing on the compounds in the first place. Very well, Miss Matthews,” he said, lowering himself on one of the high stools at the table, “Please do sit down”. 

She sat down more or less opposite him. 

He took a roll of parchment and a quill. “What homogenous mixtures does a Polyjuice Potion in the various stages of its brewing consist of?”

Billie took a deep breath. Now there was a question! 

He registered the uncertainty in her eyes. 

“Perhaps we should start at the very beginning,” he suggested, “What is the first thing we do?”

“Stew the lacewing flies, sir”. 

“For twenty-one days, yes”. 

“Have you tried stewing them longer, sir?”

“Stewing them longer results in evaporated lacewing flies, Miss Matthews. I do not think they will be of much use in that form”. 

“And for a shorter time?”

He lifted his cup to his lips and took a sip. “What, in your opinion, would be the use of that?”

“Perhaps the lacewing flies lose a bit of their characteristics if they stew for a longer time. In making the boiling time shorter, they might be more powerful”. 

“Hm…” he said, “What do you think their function is in the potion?”

“I have no idea”. 

“There is a simple way of testing that, Miss Matthews”. 

“Do you mean by adding them to the various mixtures and see what happens?”. 

He nodded over the rim of his cup. 

“I see. Have you tried this already?” 

“No. May I ask <i>you</i> to start with that?” He put down his mug and handed her the roll of parchment and the quill. “And make sure you carefully register every step you take and the result it has generated”. 

She nodded.

“Very well,” he said, “I suggest you start working then. You will find a ready-made stew in the third cauldron. There should be enough lacewing flies for all four cauldrons”. 

They both got to their feet.

“If you prefer to make use of a notebook,” he continued, “you can register your findings in mine. And you will find a scale and all the tools you need over there,” he said, pointing at a massive chest that contained all sorts of equipment Billie had hardly used in her life. “Whilst you are working on those mixtures, I will be browsing another encyclopaedia of magical plants. Just call me if you need any help”. 

She nodded again and so Snape went to sit at his desk and Billie walked to the chest at the far end of the room to get out all the things she needed for her tests. 

 

“How are you progressing, Miss Matthews?”

Several hours had passed during which they had been working in complete silence. Billie was therefore a little startled when he suddenly appeared at her side. 

“Hm… not brilliantly, I’m afraid”, she said, looking up at him, “It seems the lacewing flies are not adding anything to the potion at all. Nothing changes when I add them”. 

“Have you tried the mixture with the bicorn horn already?”

“No, I was just about to add it”. 

“You had better be careful,” he warned her, “Bicorn can act very aggressively in mixtures and we have never added any lacewing flies at this stage yet”. 

He looked down at her. “Shall I give you a mask?”

“Do you think I will need one?”. 

“A mere matter of precaution”. He opened a drawer of a smaller cupboard and took out what looked like a white carnival mask on a stick. His fingers briefly touched hers when he handed it to her.

“You are cold,” he remarked.

“Erm… a little,” she admitted, a little surprised that he should notice such a thing.

“You should have told me,” he said, a little reproachfully “I try to keep the temperature in this room at a constant, not too high level, because of the ingredients” He cast a brief glance at the dress and woollen tights she was wearing. Charming, but perhaps not the most suitable attire for the occasion. “You should dress a little warmer next time”. 

He took out his wand and pointed it between her shoulder blades. A warm glow instantly started to spread over her back and whole body down to her fingertips and toes. 

“Thank you, sir”, she said, really embarrassed now. 

He held the mask in front of her as she tipped the rest of the lacewing flies into the cauldron. A menacing hissing sound immediately rose up and the mixture roared like a stormy sea. 

Billie kept her wand at the ready in case it threatened to boil over while Snape held the mask, but the initial reaction quickly stopped and in a few seconds, all vapour had disappeared and the liquid mass had calmed down to a gentle bubbling.

“Again no changes…” Snape muttered as he studied the cauldron’s content. He met Billie’s puzzled gaze. “And that was the last mixture we had”. 

Billie frowned. “But how is that possible, sir? Lacewing flies do have a transfigurative characteristic and yet, they don’t seem to add any value to the potion whatsoever”. 

Snape held her gaze for a moment while he gave her question some thought. 

“No doubt, the secret lies in the combination of the lacewing flies with all the other ingredients,” he finally said, “I suspect they only release their transfigurative characteristics towards the very end of the brewing process, when all ingredients have been added and are reacting”. 

“But as you have proved already, sir, increasing the amount will have no effect on the potion’s power…” said Billie meditatively, “so we’re on a dead-end street”. 

“It seems so,” said Snape, and he took a step away from her, “and that will be enough for the day, Miss Matthews. Kindly complete your notes on this last experiment while I clear the brews away. Ah, but we will need new ones for next week”. 

“Shall I mix them?”

He checked his watch. “No, I will do it myself. I think it is time for you to go back to your house before too many questions arise”. 

Funny… she had been so reluctant to come here at first, and now she almost regretted it was over. 

She cast a quick glance at the clock on the wall and received a slight shock. They had spent three hours in here, but it felt like minutes.

She pulled the notebook towards her and started to scribble down the last results. 

“Are you still not hungry, Miss Matthews?”

“Oh,” Her nervousness long gone and what with her usual good appetite, she realised that she was indeed hungry. In all her concentration, she hadn’t even felt her empty stomach.

But sitting here, sharing breakfast with Snape seemed like a too intimate thing to do, so she politely refused, referring to lunch that would be served at the Great Hall in less than an hour. 

“As you wish,” he said, dismissively “Next week, we will isolate the bicorn powder in the potion. Do you think you could do some research on it in the course of this week?”

“Yes, I think so. Are there any books in particular you’d wish me to consult?”

“Well perhaps you should try the less common ones. You may have to look for them in the restricted section”. 

“Could you give me a note for that, sir?”

He hesitated. “No, I will inform Madam Pince myself”. 

She nodded. He probably didn’t want any of his notes to fall into the wrong hands. He had to be really serious about Umbridge and the present situation. 

“If you have finished, Miss Matthews, I wish you a pleasant weekend”. 

“The same to you, Professor,” She sent him a warm smile as she handed him the notebook, “See you next week”.

She turned to the door, and completely missed the slightly bemused expression on his face. 

 

“He warmed me”.

Emily looked up from the essay she had been writing on the various uses of redcap venom.

“Well, yes, I’m not surprised,” she said dryly, “You spend more and more time in the Room of Requirement with him”. 

“No!” laughed Billie, “I wasn’t referring to Fred. <i>Snape</i>. Snape warmed me”. 

“<i>Snape!?</i>”

Emily put down her quill and cast a suspicious glance at her friend. “What do you mean, <i>warmed</i> you? He hasn’t … touched you in any way, has he?”

“No, not at all!” said Billie, slightly shocked, “He just cast a warming spell. You know, the sort of thing we constantly do on each other in winter”.

“Oh”.

“Well, you know. I thought that was considerate of him. Not the sort of thing one would expect from Snape in any case”. 

Emily rolled her eyes. “No, definitely not”. She cocked her head a little. “Have you talked to Fred yet?”

“Oh, yes,” said Billie.

“And?”

Billie shrugged. “Not much. He wasn’t really interested. Said I’ve always been good at potions and that we all have to work on our NEWT assignment. But that I was mad to waste my time and marks on Snape”. 

“I can only agree”. 

“Hm… not sure,” grinned Billie, “It wasn’t too bad you know. He hardly said a word anyway”. 

“Three hours locked up in a fridge with Snape who doesn’t even speak… yeah, I suppose that should be great fun!”

“Honestly!” laughed Billie.

“… although the not-speaking part is probably a bonus in his case” continued Emily undisturbed.

Billie shook her head and looked down at her notes again. “You’re hopeless,” she chuckled.

 

The next sessions proceeded more or less exactly like the first one, except that Billie was pulling more and more clothes on as the weeks passed and the temperatures dropped in Snape’s office and that she now accepted a couple of mugs of coffee, mainly to warm her, and even a sandwich occasionally. 

They made little progress, however. They learnt as little from the bicorn experiments in the next three weeks as from the ones with the lacewing flies, and, mostly after nearly four hours, Snape decided to call it a day. 

 

Meanwhile, in class, Billie was still being prepared for the brewing of the Wolfsbane Potion, no doubt one of the most complicated and difficult potions one could learn, especially because the reaction of the various ingredients was completely unpredictable. This, together with the extra work she had to do for her assignments hardly left her with any time for her other subjects. As she was working on essays, preparations for the Saturday sessions and other homework they received every day, she spent longer and longer hours in the library or in the common room with her nose in encyclopaedia, lexicons and other reference works on spells, charms, plants, animals and magical ingredients. She hadn’t even had the chance yet to attend Harry’s DA lessons.

 

Furthermore, as Christmas grew nearer, life at Hogwarts was gradually turning into a nightmare. The only chance she had of spending some time with Fred alone was when they met at the Room of Requirements, but, mainly due to her workload, their visits there had rapidly decreased in number. They couldn’t quietly talk in the Great Hall or any other public places anymore. Since Billie sat in Ravenclaw, they couldn’t meet in each other’s common rooms either, and on top of that, Fred spent more and more time developing and selling articles from his joke shop. 

 

On the day before the last visit to Snape’s office of term, she was stirring her cauldron in his class and she was struggling. 

The mixture didn’t at all turn the light green it should have done, because the gurdyroot had refused to dissolve. The latter was one of the unexpected things that could happen in that process, but according to her research, in such cases, the mixture should turn into a thick, light green, unhomogeneous pulp. 

What she found in her cauldron, however, was a dark-green, nearly solid pap that she could barely stir anymore. 

“Ruined your mixture, Miss Matthews?”. 

There was clearly irritation reflected in the dark-blue eyes that settled on the shallow face at the other side of the table. 

“I have no idea what went wrong,” she said curtly.

“Sir…” added Snape.

She cast him an impatient glance, “<i>Sir</i>” she repeated reluctantly. 

“Tell me, Miss Matthews,” said Snape and Billie was painfully aware of the many heads that were now turned into their direction, especially from the Slytherins. “How do you intend to pass your NEWT finals if you do not seriously prepare yourself for the tasks I am settingyou?”

She opened her mouth to protest but she was cut short.

“I thought we had made an agreement?”

Again, she opened her mouth and again she was cut short. 

“If you had done the research that was required from you, you would of course have understood that, by adding a pinch of mallowsweet powder, the gurdyroot would have reacted exactly as it was supposed to do, saving you the effort of having to follow the sub-process to undo all harm and have the mixture ready for further processing again. This… <i>blubber </i>however, is completely useless and a waste of valuable ingredients”. 

And with a flick of his wand, the content of her cauldron evaporated in thin air. 

Billie stood staring at him with a face that had turned white with fury and eyes that could easily have forced an attacking elephant to retreat with its tail between its legs. 

For the third time, she opened her mouth to defend herself but as sudden as he had appeared at her table, he had turned away from her and walked back to his desk. 

With more noise than usual, Billie started to throw her books into her bag and when, a couple of seconds later, the bell rang, she dashed to the door, threw it open, making it bang hard against the wall and stormed out of Snape’s classroom, leaving a bewildered group of classmates and a seemingly unimpressed Snape behind. 

 

“The mere cheek!” she shouted at a scared-looking Fred a little later in the courtyard, “The impossible, stinking little <i>git </i>!”

“Yes, that’s how we usually call him, I think”. 

“Don’t laugh, Fred! This is <i>not </i>funny! I spent weeks looking things up for his blasted wolfsbane potion! How dare he!” 

She flung herself furiously against one of the pillars, hurt her back and now turned absolutely livid. 

“Could you repeat that a little louder, Billie? The seventh floor may not have heard you yet”. 

“Oh shut up!”

“Wait,” he said, quickly grabbing her by her shoulders to prevent her from storming away, “It’s no use shouting. And it’s no use being upset either. <i>You </i>have always been spared by him but now, for once, you have experienced things that we have been experiencing for seven years on end… <i>and don’t interrupt me, Billie</i>”. 

She shot him a destructive look but kept her lips firmly shut. 

“Of course it isn’t fair. But when has Snape ever been fair? It’s only Snape, isn’t it. And believe me, if he fails you, no one will pass”.

“I’m not going back tomorrow,” grumbled Billie, “He can stick his Polyjuice Potion…”

“Yes we all know where he can stick it, Billie. Please, don’t make me visualise <i>that</i>”. 

He pulled her in his arms and gave her a kiss. 

“Think of the Christmas holidays next week… “ he said soothingly, “You’ll be staying with us and we don’t have that many rooms so you will have to share with me”. 

“Your mother will be delighted,” she muttered sarcastically.

“She won’t know”.

“And what about George?”, she added, still bad-tempered.

“George’s used to sneaking out and making room for us since last summer. We’ll send him to Ron’s room again. Or no… Harry’s staying too, so that one will be full already. The pigs stall will have to do”. 

Despite her distress she smiled. 

“Why don’t you leave your homework as it is, tonight,” he coaxed, “and pay me a visit in our little room?”

“I can’t. It’s taken by Emily and Roger tonight”. 

“There’s a deserted classroom on the third floor”. 

“Umbridge and her spies are everywhere”. 

“Not on that part of the third floor…” teased Fred, “Not after we have dropped permanent-sticking dungs behind the statue of Horace the Hun”.

“Nice! Meeting you in some dusty room that smells of dung and Merlin knows what else…”

“You’ll enjoy it…” whispered Fred, doing his best to sound as seductive as it took to remove the last bit of her anger.

 

Fred was right: they spent a great time together on the deserted third floor and had even more fun trying out the latest items in the Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes Joke Shop-range than in entertaining each other. 

But back in the solitude of her dormitory, she remembered the full blast of Snape’s scolding again and her stomach turned into a painful knot. 

It was all very well and easy for Fred and Emily to tell her that it was only Snape, but she was the one who was supposed to be spending a whole morning with him in his office, to prepare for her NEWTS. She could of course do as she had said before and not turn up, but where would that leave her? She would have to look for another subject with another teacher and probably receive Snape’s fury over her and fail her Potions NEWTS examination, her by far best subject.

She spent the whole night torn between the desire to quit and the realisation that, in fact, she had no other option than to turn up the next morning anyway.


	4. Part I Chapter 4

4

 

Finally, when her alarm clock showed more or less the time she was supposed to get up, she got out of bed, dressed and brushed her teeth – all in slow motion – and with leaden legs dragged herself through the deadly silent corridors of Hogwarts towards the dungeons. 

But then, as she took the last set of stairs, a strange determination settled over her. Why was she behaving as if she had been a naughty girl who had been caught red-handed while she was stealing sweets? She had done nothing wrong; she had been attacked when she should have received praise now that she was constantly pushing her own limits, and she was definitely not going to be treated like dirt, not even by Snape.

So feeling the anger boiling inside her again, she legged it for his office door, knocked, and without the slightest hesitation entered when he muttered his “come in”<i>.</i>

She shot him a glance that left no doubt about the state of things and after her curtly muttered “Morn’” in reply to his greeting, she walked straight to his desk and came to stand right in front of him, furiously staring down into his cold, black eyes. 

“Miss Matthews…?”

“Would you mind explaining to me, Professor, why you deemed it necessary to attack me in front of the whole class and for no reason at all?”

His eyebrows slightly rose, but before he could say anything she went on. 

“All week, <i>and</i> the week before and the ones before that too, I have hardly seen anything else than books about plants, magical creatures, other animals, herbs, potions, werewolves, you name it. I searched all the books I could possibly find in the library. I hardly had the time to breathe, to eat, to sleep or to see my friends. I even sat reading essays about the Polyjuice Potion during Umbridge’s excuse for a class and then you criticise me in front of everyone because that blasted gurdyroot refused to mingle with the base and incidentally, not one of my books mentioned anything about mallowsweet powder to prevent that!”. 

“Sit down, Miss Matthews,” said Snape wearily.

“I prefer to stand, to be h…”

“<i>Sit </i>“

She threw him a look like a dagger and flung herself in the chair opposite him. A little voice in the back of her furious brain told her that she should marvel at his total lack of anger after such an outburst, but she was far beyond caring about how he felt. 

She crossed her arms and, with eyes like fire, waited for him to speak.

He sighed. 

“Forgive me,” he said, “but there was no other way”. 

“What?!” she whispered incredulously.

He silenced her with a sharp glance.

“Dolores Umbridge is scrutinising every member of staff like bacteria under a microscope and I am on top of her list”. 

He folded his hands on his desk and looked at her with a grave face. “A large number of members of my own house have entered her employment as spies and upholders of justice – or rather, ministry decree-enforcers”.

He watched how her angry face gradually relaxed into a more neutral expression.

“I will not give you the details of my role in our society, Miss Matthews, but as it is, I cannot afford to openly be accused of favouritism towards a student, least of all …”

He hesitated. 

“A muggle born?” asked Billie sharply, but she kept herself in check when she caught his warning glance. 

“Least of all a non-Slytherin, muggle-born student, indeed. Therefore, I must once more insist that you remain discrete about the nature of our conversations and not ventilate any conclusions you may draw from what you see or hear during the time that we work together”. 

He came to his feet and started to pace the room.

“Questions have been raised about the individual programme you follow during classes, and you have been seen descending the stairs to this room on a Saturday morning”. He stopped when he came back at his desk and leaned against it, no more than a foot from where she was sitting. 

Their eyes locked again.

“I could not possibly make them believe that you had come to see me for remedial potions. Everybody knows that you are exceptionally good at my subject”. The last drop of anger in Billie’s blood evaporated in thin air here. “I therefore invented some story about a late essay but I could not a hundred percent convince them. Dolores Umbridge has become extremely suspicious now that most of the staff have allied against her, in favour of Professor Dumbledore. So I had to give a clear signal that proved that there was absolutely no preferential treatment from my side as far as you were concerned. My outburst may have been heavily out of proportion, but it was not at all different from the way I usual treat students who have managed to ruin their potion, especially in their NEWT year”.

Billie shifted uncomfortably in her chair. It all sounded plausible and yet, the fundamental injustice of it all still made her insides turn.

“I refuse to be the scapegoat for the sake of security, Professor”.

“I know that this is a poor reward for the sacrifices you have been making,” he admitted. “But you have to bear in mind that we are talking about your own safety in the first place”. 

A silence fell during which not more than the ticking of the clock and the muffled sounds of voices in the Quidditch pitch far off was heard.

“I will help you,” he said after a long while. 

He met her questioning look. “I will give you my personal notes on the wolfsbane potion. That will save you a considerable amount of time on research and preparations, and give you the flexibility you need to better concentrate on other subjects, not in the least Defence Against the Dark Arts”.

She was so perplexed by his offer that it didn’t even occur to her how strange it was that he singled out DADA. It would, in fact, take many more weeks after this conversation before he would admit to her how he had known about Harry’s DA from the very first day.

“But you must allow me to remark on your work in class, Miss Matthews, even if it is irrelevant or disproportionate… I will not take it to the extent it was done yesterday, but still”. 

Billie was quiet. Now that all the anger was gone she felt tired and confused.

“I greatly appreciate your support in this experiment,” continued Snape, “I will try my utmost to keep you here, but sacrifices will have to be made for the sake of it. Are you willing to make them?”. 

She pushed a lock of hair behind her ear. She wasn’t sure she could still trust her own judgment.

“I don’t know…” she sighed, “It depends on the type of sacrifices, I suppose. I don’t mind working hard but I can’t keep that up if I get shouted at most of the time, even if we agree that it will never be meant that way”. 

“I never shout Miss Mathews”. 

No, it’s worse, she thought, but now that her anger had made place for a strange kind of weariness, she didn’t dare to express these thoughts anymore. His eyes rested on her in quiet anticipation.

“I would like to continue this work, Professor,” she said in the end. She looked up into his face but it did not show any expression.

He nodded. “I will give you my notes,” he said. 

He straightened, walked back to the other side of his desk and took out a rather frazzled notebook. It had once been bound together with red thread but it very nearly fell apart now. The hard cover was black, faded to grey and at the edges even white. 

Snape stood turning its pages and briefly reading its content for a while. She wondered if he was looking for any compromising material that would be unfit for her eyes, but after some hesitation he closed it and handed it over to her anyway.

“You will find notes on more than the wolfsbane potion alone. I do not mind sharing them with you if you handle them with caution and only in the context of our classes”.

“Thank you, Professor. Nobody will see this”. 

“That is exactly what I meant”. 

“And I will keep my use of it to a minimum”. 

She rose to her feet. 

“Professor, would you mind if we don’t continue today? I did make the preparations but I don’t feel very fit to work with them now”. And that was putting it very tentatively. The heavy emotions of the past hours in combination with the sleepless night had drained all her energy and left her with a terrible headache. 

He let his eyes run over her tired face.

“No. I do not mind,” he said, “I am however concerned about the mixtures. They will not last until next Saturday if we leave them untouched today”.

She bit her lip. 

“Would they be ruined if we worked on them on Monday?”

“The leeches will not last that long in the initial stew”.

“Well then I’d better stay, hadn’t I”. 

He shook his head. “No, I cannot ask that of you if you do not feel well”. He held her gaze. He didn’t feel too well himself. For some strange reason, her fury had left him somewhat shaken. “I would propose to continue the work myself, but my time is rather limited today and I am afraid that at this stage, your support is needed”.

“And tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow is Sunday…?” he frowned.

“I don’t mind working on it on a Sunday, sir, if that saves the mixtures and if that fits into your calendar too”.

“I do not have any specific plans, tomorrow,” he admitted, a little surprised at the commitment she showed, “but I wonder how you will manage to sneak into this office without being seen. The students of my house have to pass through this corridor on their way to the common room, unless they take the other, shorter way on the east side of the castle. However, not many use that one at present, least of all on a Sunday because it passes Professor Umbridge’s private chambers”. 

“Oh I see,” said Billie, “Would it be safer if I came to see you later today then? I would just like to lie down for a bit”. 

“I will not be back until six, unless… “ He pondered on this for a moment, “Would it be asking too much if you came during dinner? The risk of being seen will be practically non-existent then, and by the time we are finished, all students will be locked in their common rooms and the staff retired to their private quarters”. 

“That would probably be the safest option, sir,” she said, “if that time is convenient for you”.

“It is”. 

“All right”. She suddenly felt a little timid. It was an awkward situation, like it always was when you had just argued with someone, and she didn’t very well know how to take her leave now.

He made it a little easier for her. “Well I will see you tonight then, Miss Matthews,” he said, marvelling at the completely changed expression on her face. He had to admit that he was relieved to see a little of the usual softness return into her dark-blue eyes. 

“Yes, see you tonight,” but she couldn’t leave it at that and so, after a slight hesitation, she added, “Sorry for my outburst, Professor. I was rather rude”. 

“You were angry”, he simply stated and there was a tiny impression of a smile playing on his lips, “I would not have accepted such an outpouring in my classes, Miss Matthews, but in the confines of this room I do not mind admitting to you that you were right, and that your fury was justified”. 

There really was no mistaking the slightly lifted corner of his lips and the shimmer in his eyes now. 

She thanked him with a warm smile in return. 

 

She enjoyed a couple of hours of delightful oblivion in the solitude of her dormitory and when she awoke, she felt well-rested, relaxed and strangely energised. She was even looking forward to her appointment with Snape later that evening. 

She took a shower, dressed in woollen skirt, tights, leg warmers, long-sleeved top, long-sleeved T-Shirt, flannel shirt, jumper, cardigan, muffler and half gloves – it was chilly on the staircase so she had an inkling of how it would be in Snape’s office late in the evening - and left in search of Emily.

 

“So I’m to tell everyone, except Fred, that you’re taken ill?”

“Yes, they’ll easily believe you. I slept half of the day”, whispered Billie. 

They were sitting in a corner of a crowded common room, and Billie had become so paranoid by now that she feared being overheard all the time. 

“That’s ridiculous, isn’t it”. 

“He was quite serious, Emily, when he talked about Umbridge’s interference. Especially in her present role as a High Inquisitor”. 

“How can that be a problem with him? They’re on the same side”. 

Billie shook her head. “I don’t think so”. 

“Come on, Billie! They’re two of a kind!”. 

“If they were, he would have thrown me out of his office straight away this morning, and forbidden me to ever set foot in it again. I was attacking him, you know. I, a muggle-born, Ravenclaw student attacking Snape…? It’s a wonder I wasn’t expelled!”

“He probably needs you for his experiment”. 

“Perhaps,” admitted Billie, “but even then, even if he did need me and couldn’t afford to throw me out – which I don’t really believe to be honest – he could have put me to place and even given me detention, but do you know what he said instead?”

Emily shook her head. 

“That I had been right!”. 

“No…!”

“Yes”. 

“You’re making this up, aren’t you?”

“No, I’m not. Seriously”. She bit in one of the sandwiches Fred had smuggled out of the kitchen for her, “He’s not too bad you know”. 

“Not bad? Snape?”

“Yeah, well… anyway… will you do that for me?”

“Yes, of course. I think you’re mad, mind, but I’ll help you”. 

“Brilliant,” smiled Billie.

 

She was rather nervous when she made her way through completely empty corridors and stairs. She cast constant glances behind her to check if she wasn’t being followed, and made sure she kept herself in the shadows along the walls as much as possible. But all was quiet and with a sigh of relief she arrived at Snape’s office and knocked.

“Ah, Miss Matthews,” he said as she came in, “Good evening”.

There was a white vapour escaping from between his lips as he spoke. The dungeon was even colder than she had thought it would be.

She returned his greeting and her eyes automatically travelled to the round table from which, to her surprise, all cauldrons had disappeared. 

“I have taken them away to my private chambers,” explained Snape, “I find the temperature here unbearable tonight, even for myself. So if you have no objection I would like to invite you to join me there”. 

His private chambers! What did he mean by his private chambers? 

“There is no need to worry, Miss Matthews,” he said in reply to the alarmed look she gave him, “There is nothing inappropriate about the room I use for brewing potions privately. It is, I admit, a part of my personal quarters but you will hardly notice that”. 

“I don’t have any objections, sir”, Billie said quickly, “It is, as you said, quite cold in here”. 

She had only been inside for a few moments and already her toes were freezing in her boots.

He took her through the arch at the back of his office into a small anti-chamber that consisted of nothing more than rows and rows of plants and strange substances that were floating in all sorts of liquids. 

Billie wondered what grade you had to be in to work with these things. She was in her last year and she had never been asked to open one of those jars and chop its content. Snape followed her gaze as he held the only door the room counted open to her.

“They are the ingredients you have been using in the last seven – no eight-  years, Miss Matthews”. 

He gave the same hint of a smile he had displayed earlier that day. 

“The dried, smoked and ground parts of animals, herbs and plants originate from living organisms, of course. And if it is impossible for us to process fresh plants, or living creatures, we have to preserve dead ones in chemicals”. 

He let go of the door and came to stand next to her to point at a jar she was looking at. 

“This, for example, is gurdyroot, the very thing that has caused you so much trouble yesterday. And this,” he continued before she could feel embarrassed again, “is a Baltic jellyfish, which you use in the Memory Potion”.“Do you process them yourself, sir?” she asked, sounding worried.

“Of course. The school does not have the means to buy all ingredients ready-made from the Apothecary and have them delivered here”. 

Billie nodded. “And where did you learn how to do that?”

“I will show you my secret weapon later-on perhaps. This way, Miss Matthews”. 

 

He took her through a corridor that was so small they couldn’t walk side by side and so dark Billie had trouble seeing Snape ahead of her. Then they climbed a set of slippery stairs that opened into a dimly lit, circular hallway. It was even colder here than in his office. 

Apart from a single torch, the only thing that interrupted the row of century-old stones was a massive oak door, which opened without any movement from his wand. 

He stepped aside to let her pass and closed the door as soon as they had passed through it. 

 

They were in a sort of hall that lead to two other rooms… or at least, there were two  doors. 

Snape opened the one nearest to them and that brought them into what probably used to be a kitchen. 

There was still a sink and a long table on which the cauldrons stood shimmering, but that was about all there was. There was no cooking gear, nor chairs, and, for as far as Billie could see, not even books on the empty shelf or frames on the stone wall.

The only light came from the fires underneath the cauldrons and from the corner of the room, where a small fireplace was built in which flames were dancing. 

Snape flicked his wand and a couple of oil lamps sprang to life, bathing the room in a warm, yellow light. 

“Do you think this will do for tonight?” he asked. 

“Yes, “ smiled Billie, who already started to feel that she was severely overdressed with all her layers of wool. “It’s a lot more agreeable in here”. 

“I thought as much. Now, back to our potions. What have you discovered in the past days, Miss Matthews?”

“Since none of the ingredients alone seem to be able to strengthen the potion, I have been looking at the way they interact with each other”, she said as she took off the scarf, gloves, cardigan, jumper and shirt. “I have noticed that, together, they do make the potion stronger but I have a suspicion that, very early in the brewing process, the knotgrass dissolves”. 

“Really?” he said eying her with genuine interest.                                                       

“Well, similar to what I have read about other potions, specifically the Draught of the Innocent Sleep, one of the possibilities could be that knotgrass is not resistant to the combined strength of the other ingredients”. 

“Hm… it is a possibility of course”.

“Yes, so I thought that perhaps we could test this today”. 

“Very well,” said Snape, “In that case you will need the third base. How are you going to proceed?”

“I was thinking of testing the potion immediately after the last but one ingredient was added”. 

“How?”. 

“I thought about a microscope, sir”

“You could try, but I doubt the different elements you will see under the microscope will be recognisable as the original ingredients”. 

“So what we need is an analysis then”.

“Yes, but that may be difficult. Perhaps you should indeed work with the microscope and see where that leads to. And do not forget to test its transfigurative characteristics too”.  

“By testing it on human hair, like we did before?”

“Yes, that was a reliable test, in my opinion. Even if we cannot measure the impact – in other words how strong the potion’s characteristics may be – at least seeing the hairs transform proves that the potion works and that is all we need to know at this point”. 

So they set to work. 

Billie wasn’t quite sure what Snape was doing – in fact he was setting up a distilling kit – because she was quickly absorbed by the task she had set herself. 

At first, not much happened. As she had feared, there were no visible changes in the mixture after she had added the dittony but the potion fairly quickly lost its transfigurative characteristics. With intervals of a few minutes, she examined the various stages of the brewing process under the microscope with no success, until after about half an hour, it struck her that there was indeed a change… a barely visible one. 

“Sir?” 

Snape looked up from the dropper he was using to transfer a blood-red liquid to a small flask. 

“Would you mind coming here for a moment?”

He immediately put the flask and dropper back on the table and walked over to where she was sitting. 

 “I think the knotgrass has dissolved,” Billie said with her eyes still locked on the microscope’s lenses. “I can’t see any traces of it anymore”. 

She wanted to turn the microscope towards him but it was too heavy. So she stood up and offered him her stool.

“Thank you… “ He sat down. 

He took all his time to scrutinise the drop of potion under the small glass plate. 

“Hm… I am not sure it has dissolved completely…” His long fingers played with the plate to make the liquid move a little. “In this position, I still detect tiny little green particles. Can you have a look?”

As he was holding the glass plate steady she was forced to lean over him to peer through the lenses – which was rather close - but she very quickly got over her discomfort when she realised he was right. There were indeed green dots in the mixture. 

“They seem to be moving… or further dissolving, it’s hard to tell,” she muttered.

“Do you think they might be decreasing in number?” he asked.

She looked up from the eyepiece straight into the black eyes that were so close they appeared not to be black at all, but a very dark brown that was barely distinguishable from the large pupils.

“I don’t know”. 

“Are you still on the fine adjustment?”

“I think so”.

“May I?” he asked and leaned over to have another look, “I have a feeling the particles are further reduced in size rather than in number” he said with his eyes still on the eye piece, “as if they were shrinking under the influence of the other ingredients but not really disappearing. The question is whether they still keep their function in the potion in this state… “ He looked up. “Do you have a couple of hairs here?”

“Erm, no, I have used them all”. 

“Unless my eyes deceive me, you have plenty of them on your own”. 

“Of course,” she muttered, marvelling at the trace of humour in his eyes. 

She let her fingers glide over the locks that were playing around her face and then, with a snap, pulled a thin string out of them. 

“<i>Ouch</i>!”

“A simple releasing charm would have done the trick too, Miss Matthews”. 

“Yes. I always seem to forget these simple charms when I need them”.

“You need to practise more. Will you do the test?”

She nodded, pulled the plate towards her and carefully added a few millimetres of the blonde hair. Then she looked at the effect the potion had on it.

“It is dissolving,” she said after a while, “Does that mean that the transfiguration is still happening?”.

“We can only tell for sure after you have added other ones, but it is too early for that yet”. 

He got to his feet. “I think we deserve a break anyway. Shall we have a look at the book I use for processing potion ingredients?”. 

“Oh. Yes”, she smiled. 

“Do you mind following me to my sitting room?”

“No, not at all”.

“But you <i>will </i>be discrete about this?”

“Of course,” she said earnestly. “I won’t get you in difficulty”. 

“Good”. 

He took her back to the hall and opened the second door, which brought them into a big, not uninviting room, even if the green colours that had been used for its decoration were somewhat colder than the dark-blue and gold in the Ravenclaw common room. 

Nearly all walls were covered by chestnut bookshelves that were carrying hundreds of leather-bound and other books. 

In the middle of the room stood a large fireplace with several Chesterfields grouped around them. There were also books lying on the low chestnut table in the middle. One of them was a Thomas Hardy novel. 

It felt strange to imagine Snape sitting or lying here, reading, in his private quarters. Billie had never been able to imagine any professor leading a private life in the first place, but in his case, it seemed even more surreal. And yet, there had to be many hours during which he wasn’t teaching or brewing any potions, so how did he fill those in a place like Hogwarts?

Apart from the books, there didn’t seem to be any other means of diversion in the room. There was a writing table in a corner on which several rolls of parchment were lying and that was it. 

“Look, Miss Matthews, these are my reference books”. 

His long fingers traced the backs of a couple of very old, leather-bound books and stopped at a tattered one. He took it out and handed it over to her. 

The cover was barely legible. Billie opened it and found the first page spotted with mould. In curly letters it bore the title <i>The Art of Processing Herbs and other Plants for Potion-Making Purposes – A Reference in four-and-twenty chapters</i>.

“It’s quite an old book, isn’t it?” she remarked. 

“Eighteenth century. There are three volumes on herbs, and a similar reference book has been written on the processing of magical species”.

He pointed at a couple of black books next to the herbal. “You may find the content of those somewhat cruel if not repulsive. Perhaps you should only be taught them when the need arises”.

“Is that the kind of thing apothecars are taught?”

“Oh, yes, those reference books are very important to them”. He gave her a sideways look. “Were you thinking of starting your career in an apothecary?”

“I might, yes”. 

He turned to face her. “You could do better than that, Miss Matthews,” he said. “You are in a perfect position to start an academic career”. 

“But how can I do that? There are no universities of witchcraft and wizardry”. 

“Not in Britain. You could work on a scientific subject, mentored by someone like myself, for example, and present your thesis to the <i>Committee of Scientific Research at the Ministry of Magic</i>. That is where we, teachers, receive our title”. 

“O, I have been wondering where you had obtained it”. 

“It is one of the paths you could follow. Incidentally, would you care for a drink? I am not allowed to serve any alcohol to students, but I could make us some tea if you like”. 

“That would be lovely, thank you”. 

“Please, do sit down”. He disappeared through one of three doors the room counted but Billie could not see what lay beyond that. Probably a bathroom or something, she thought. 

She sat down on one of the leather coaches and had a closer look at the books on the low table. Apart from <i>The Mayor of Casterbridge, </i>there was a century-old herbal which happened to lay open at the chapter about grasses; next to it a thick book called <i>Unravelling the Secrets of the Mind </i>and several copies of the Daily Prophet and the Quibbler.

The Prophet was headlining another so-called achievement of Hogwarts’ High Inquisitor Dolores Umbridge, and the Quibbler was asking itself if the recent sightings of  Mediterranean nargles in the swamps of Cumbria had anything to do with the global warming muggles kept on talking about.

“I doubt you will find anything interesting in that paper,” remarked Snape who had come into the sitting room again, carrying a tray with a teapot and two cups.

“I’m not sure,” said Billie, “The editor is said to be writing columns in which he criticises the present mood at the Ministry. That is more than can be said of the Prophet nowadays”. 

“By that, I assume you disapprove of their policy?”.

“Of course. Thank you.” The latter was added when he handed her a cup of steaming tea, “One can’t be very much in favour of the way  they interfere at Hogwarts these days”. 

“Most of the students of my House would disagree”. 

“Probably”. 

His face was as neutral as it could be. It was absolutely impossible to tell if he shared her opinion or not.

“So you believe Potter?”

“I do, yes”. 

“And is that how most of your fellow-students feel?”

Billie thought for a moment. “I think so yes. The mood is rapidly changing. Most of us are sick and tired of Umbridge and her ridiculous rules, to start with, and even more so of all the rubbish the Prophet is writing. Everyone is gradually asking themselves why the Ministry is so desperate to keep us under control and why they keep on picking on Harry. At the same time, they are proving that they’re completely at a loss: more and more people are missing or assaulted and they haven’t been able to solve one single case yet. Well, you don’t need a First Class Order of Merlin to know that we’re not faced with an ordinary killer. I don’t think there are that many things, or rather people, against whom a Ministry is defenceless”. 

“Hm…” His face was still an expressionless mask but he seemed to be listening attentatively.

He put his cup down and leaned back in his seat. “Very well. Now, on the subject of your future career, there is a training not unlike a post-graduate in the muggle world which you can do at Beauxbâtons, but that would be in French of course”. 

“French is my second mother tongue” said Billie, and when she saw his eyebrows rise, she added, “My mother is French”. 

“I see…” said Snape, “May I ask you, Miss Matthews… what do your parents do for a living?”

“My mother is a cellist. And my father has retired. He used to be a Professor at Oxford University”. 

“What was his subject?”

“Bio-Chemistry”. 

There was genuine interest in the black eyes now. 

“A discipline not too far away from potions”, he remarked.

“No, not at all. I see loads of parallels, especially since my dad takes a special interest in herbal and other alternative medicine”. She smiled. “If it weren’t for the magical ingredients we use, he could help us”. 

… and in his present position, he couldn’t possibly seek the advice of a muggle professor either, added Snape silently. 

They talked a little about her father’s career and the things he was still working on. Like many retired people, Professor Matthews found it very hard to let go of his subject. He usually spent two or three evenings a week in Oxford, assisting his younger colleagues in an experiment, or giving lectures.

“I think we have to go back, Miss Matthews,” Snape said after a long while, “It is rather late”. 

It was indeed nearing midnight already. Billie wouldn’t have minded staying here and continuing their chat but she couldn’t openly admit that of course. So they both got to their feet. 

“Are you not tired?” he asked her. 

“No, not at all. I’m curious to see if the potion has kept its characteristics”.

“Very well. Please go ahead, Miss Matthews. I will join you in a minute”. 

 

But the potion did not react. Billie’s hairs had not dissolved but they were still as blonde as before. And there was no trace of the knotgrass to be found either.

“Why is it that the knotgrass dissolves all the time?” she exclaimed in frustration.

“I am still not sure it has dissolved completely,” said Snape. 

“Yes but either way, it is far too weak to serve its purpose in the potion”. 

“Indeed,” said Snape, “Therefore, what we need is something that preserves it, an ingredient that strengthens it but which has no other characteristics on its own”. 

“You mean no characteristics that interfere with the ones from the Polyjuice potion,” said Billie, “but where can we find such an ingredient?”

“I have been studying knotgrass more in detail, lately” said Snape. 

Ah yes, Billie had seen his book on the table.

“I had a suspicion that knotgrass could be the ingredient that was preventing us from strengthening the potion“, continued Snape, “And it so happens that, in magical compounds, grasses in general are very susceptible to dominance from other ingredients”. 

“And have you found out how this can be corrected?” asked Billie. 

“Unfortunately I have not. It might be interesting to study other potions that contain knotgrass and to see if those potions can be strengthened and how that is done. Is this something you could look into during the Christmas holidays?”

“I think so,” said Billie, “I won’t be at Hogwarts but I suppose I can take a few books home with me”. 

Snape nodded in approval. 

“Then I suggest we stop here for this session, Miss Matthews. It has been a very long and heavy day”.

She met his eyes but contrary to what she had expected, there was no reproach in them whatsoever. Merely a weariness.

She nodded, picked up her outer clothes where she had left them and started to pull them on again. What had happened that morning and in his class seemed like ages ago. Things had so much evolved between them in the course of the day that she couldn’t imagine how, only yesterday, she had sincerely wanted to wring his neck or skin him alive.

“I will accompany you, Miss Matthews,” he said to her surprise, “There is an increased patrolling of the corridors on Saturday nights”. 

“But then we will be seen together, sir. Won’t that raise any suspicion?”

“No, because I will cast a disillusionment charm on you. If you keep yourself in the shadows, you will be completely invisible to anyone walking the corridors”. 

He touched her head with the tip of his wand and she immediately felt a funny sensation, as if something was trickling down her spine. 

“You are more or less transparent now,” said Snape with his hint of a smile, “Make sure you stay in the shadows”.

 

So they descended the slippery stairs, through his office to the silent corridors that were weakly illuminated by the crescent moon. They passed the Great Hall and the Staff Room, climbed the stairs to the first and second floors and then, just as they were going to turn the corner on their way to the Ravenclaw Tower, the rapid ticking of heels caught their ears. 

Billie automatically stopped but Snape motioned with a light touch on her arm to move on. And so they walked straight into the beam of a wand that covered its owner in a pinkish glow.

“Still out of bed, Severus, and walking in the dark even?” 

“I do not need a wand to find my way, Professor. And is it of any concern to you how late I choose to retire?”. The softly spoken words couldn’t have contrasted more with the high-pitched, childish voice of the High Inquisitor. 

“No, but it is my concern that you should walk here in the first place.”. 

“Really…?” There was no mistaking the dangerous edge in the silk voice. ”I wonder why that should be so”.

“I am of course referring to my internal memo, in which I ordered all staff to respect the curfew set on students, especially the Heads of House. How else can you make sure they are not slipping away at night?”

“Lately, you have sent us so many memos that I have lost track of who should or should not do what when”. 

“Well then it can't hurt if I refresh your memory, can it?” She sounded so triumphant, so pleased with herself and so patronising… Billie had to stop herself from jumping at her and hexing her. “Unless you had a good reason for prowling the corridors at this time of night?”. 

“As it happens, I do, but I feel no inclination to share it with you”. 

“Well in that case, you are considered to be out without permission. I must ask you to return to your House at once”. 

“Treating teaching staff like schoolchildren, Dolores”, Snape sneered maliciously, “How low we have sunk”.

“The Ministry has to do what the Ministry has to do. If the standards at this school have sunk to such an abominable level, one has to adapt oneself to that”.

“I judge you are in the best position to determine what this school needs in order to bring it back to the Ministry’s standards, Professor”. Billie wondered if she was the only one who detected the sarcasm underneath these words. “Goodnight”. 

He gave Umbridge a curt nod, turned his back on her and pursued the way they had been following. 

Billie didn’t dare to move and catch up with him yet. She was well hidden in the shadows of a large chest next to her, but she didn’t trust the sound of her feet.

“I trust you are going back to the dungeons, Severus?”

“Naturally…” he drawled but didn’t turn back, so Umbridge could only stand still and watch him leave. 

After a couple of seconds, when she saw that he had no intention of turning back, she shrugged and slowly started to walk into the other direction again. Billie quickly hurried after Snape.

 

They turned a corner, followed the corridor for a little while and turned another corner again, and as soon as they had done that Snape grabbed Billie’s arm and steered her towards a large tapestry that was covering most of the wall left of them. He cast a quick look around, pulled it back and pushed her into what felt like an alcove. 

As soon as she had slipped in, she felt him join her too.

“Sssst…” he nearly soundlessly whispered. 

It was pitch-dark in there and so narrow that Billie was more or less pressed against him. She felt his chest rise and fall with the rhythm of his breathing, which, as opposed to hers, was quite steady.  

Sure enough, after just a few seconds, a faint ticking was heard that rapidly grew in volume as Umbridge came nearer. Just as she reached the tapestry behind which they were hiding, however, she stopped. 

“Argus!”

The sudden sound of her voice cut through the thick silence like a knife and made Billie start, but before she had had the chance to give herself away, Snape’s hand had come up to her mouth and smothered her startled gasp. 

“Take the left corridor. Snape is here somewhere and he’s not on his way to his room. I will take … another one”. 

She knew of course that they were still within earshot, so she was not going to give away which direction she would be heading for. The ticking, however, did not resume. Did she suspect that there was a hiding place here? 

If she pulled the tapestry aside, they would find themselves in a very awkward position, being caught here together. Billie was terrified but at the same time, having Snape with her here also made her feel a little more secure. She had a feeling that, as soon as Umbridge touched the tapestry, she would be stunned or hit by some other spell and probably have her memory adjusted or something.

Fortunately, after what seemed like minutes but, in reality, had only been a couple of seconds, the ticking started again and very gradually died out, and they could breathe freely again

Snape removed his hand from her lips. 

It was still dark of course, so Billie received a slight shock when she suddenly felt his nose against her temple.

“There is a hidden passage behind the armour on the other side”, he whispered in her ear “Stay here while I check if all is clear”. 

She nodded but that went lost in the darkness.

Very carefully, he pushed the tapestry aside, allowing a weak ray of light to briefly illuminate the alcove before he slipped out and darkness came back. 

He returned later than she had expected and without a word, took her arm and guided her to the armour that was standing at a few paces from where they had been hiding. 

The next moment, they were taking the passage way Billie had often taken with Fred. She made a mental note of telling him that Snape knew this shortcut too…

 

They climbed several stairs until they emerged in a deserted corridor that took them straight to the foot of Ravenclaw Tower. 

Billie half expected Snape to leave her alone there, but instead, he climbed the spiral staircase together with her and stopped at the entrance door.

“<i>What came first?”</i>,<i> </i>the knocker asked sleepily.

Billie sighed. “What d’you mean <i>what came first?</i> When?”

But the knocker remained silent. 

“Can’t you ask an old one?” she asked irritably, “I’m too tired to think”. 

“Could it be <i>energy</i>?” came Snape’s silk voice.

And the door opened. 

Billie cast him a questioning look. 

“It all started with a big bang, did it not?”, he said in reply.

With only a little moonlight falling through the tiny window and his face covered in shadows it was impossible to see if he was smiling but Billie supposed he did. 

“You should have been in Ravenclaw”, she remarked. 

“Yes, well…” he said dismissively, “I wish you goodnight”.

 “Goodnight, Professor”, she cast a worried glance at the stairs below. “Will you be all right? You might run into them again”. 

“I have my own ways of escaping unnoticed. But thank you for your concern”.

She blushed a little and when no further explanation came she turned away from him and disappeared through the door.

He waited until it was safely closed behind her and transformed.


	5. Part I Chapter 5

5

 

It wasn’t until she had pulledthe curtains of her canopy bed closed that she felt how tired she was. She nearly immediately fell asleep and awoke when the winter sun was already well on its way to its highest point. 

She checked her watch. It was past ten already and that meant no breakfast. She sighed and turned on her back.

What a strange day it had been. Her stomach made a strange twist when she relived a couple of scenes of the day before. 

Something had fundamentally changed since yesterday. Something had happened which would forever change the way she thought about and behaved towards Snape, but she couldn’t quite put the finger on what it was exactly. Perhaps it was just the combination of all the previous days’ events that had caused this change. 

Or was it the scene behind the tapestry that had caused it? 

She felt her cheeks burn. She was absolutely sure that Snape hadn’t had anything improper in mind when he had pulled her behind the tapestry but it had been a terribly intimate situation anyway... as was their conversation in his sitting room - the mere location had been intimate - and even their argument, the walk in the dark. Nothing had been like the way it had always been with Snape.

And she didn’t know how to feel about it. 

She sighed again. It was complicated. 

She was still lying on her back, pondering on this, when Emily came into the dormitory. 

“Still sleeping, are you,” The girl smiled as she sat down on Billie’s bed. 

“No, I’ve been awake for some time,” said Billie as she moved into a sitting position. 

“Late night?”

“A bit”. 

Emily eyed her suspiciously. “I’ve been to bed round midnight and you weren’t back yet. You weren’t even back by the time I had finished my <i>Jane Eyre”. </i>

“You only had about two chapters to go,” remarked Billie, “It can’t have taken you too long to finish it”. 

“I read them very very slowly cos I didn’t want the book to end. And besides, I lay awake for quite some time afterwards and you still hadn’t returned”. 

“I think it must have been half one”, said Billie, “Or a little later perhaps with the delay we got on our way here”. 

“<i>We…?”</i> asked Emily, looking even more suspicious. 

“Snape walked me home – or <i>back </i>rather”, To her irritation, she felt her cheeks glow again, “And it’s a good thing he did that cos we had to hide for Umbridge”.

As Emily sat staring at her as if she had lost all of her senses,  she briefly explained what had happened.

“So Snape knows our secret passage way?”.

“Yes, be careful there” “And how was he yesterday evening? His usual slithery self no doubt?”

For the first very first time in all these years, Billie was seriously irritated by this reference to Snape and she had to stop herself from snapping an angry reply.

But Emily was her best friend and she hated arguing with her. So instead, she bit her lip, took a deep breath and said, rather casually, “He was quite nice, actually”. 

“Nice… Snape…?”

“Yes, Snape”. It was difficult not to sound defensive. “We talked about my career plans. He explained how you can receive an academic title, like he has done”. 

“He was simply brought in as a teacher by Dumbledore and received the title automatically, just like everyone else, of course”. 

“No, not at all” She really found it hard to keep her patience now. “He had to write a dissertation, just like muggles do, and defend it in front of a special Committee at the Ministry of Magic”.

“Oh. I didn’t know that”. 

“There’s very little we know about our teachers, especially Snape”. 

“Hm… yes, perhaps”. Emily smiled. “So you’re pals now”. 

Billie laughed. “That’s not a word you can use in combination with Snape, is it”. 

“And yesterday morning you could still wring his neck”. 

“Yep”. 

“A bit of a drastic change, isn’t it?”

“I know,” admitted Billie, “I think my outburst set something in motion”. 

“Probably”.  

“Anyway,” said Billie, “It’s time I got up and went in search of Fred”. 

 

She found him back immediately after lunch when he was leaving the Gryffindor table. All morning he had been working on new items for his joke shop with George, and he intended to continue doing that for the rest of the weekend and the Christmas holidays after that.

“But what about your NEWTS?” asked Billie. They were standing at the Hall’s double doors  “Have you found a subject for your assignment yet?”

“We’ve got plenty of subjects in our joke shop,” he said dismissively, “One word with Flitwick and we’ll both pass with top marks”. 

“I’m not sure about that, you know”.

He shrugged. “Who cares about NEWTS when there’s a whole market to conquer and pots of money to earn”.

He sent her a beaming smile. “I’m done with this school anyway. I’ve had enough of the toad and all her silly rules”.

“Yes, haven’t we all,” sighed Billie, “But you still have to graduate, you know”.

“It’s just a piece of paper, Billie” he grinned, “Why you happen to be so serious about a silly piece of parchment is beyond me”. 

“Your silly piece of parchment may come in useful if your joke shop fails and you have to start looking for a job”. 

“Na… it can’t fail. We’ve got loads of customers already. We’re even putting a business plan together”. 

“Hm…”

“By the way, how was Snape yesterday? Did you accidentally drop dragon dung in his coffee?”

“No…l,”.

“Hid a blast-ended skrewt in his toilet?” 

Billie laughed. “No, of course not”. 

“Wait!” said Fred, suddenly grabbing her by the shoulder, “Like a Lorelei, you tricked him into the Ravenclaw tower while you chanted at him and brushed your long long hair and threw him off it the moment he sat foot on your window sill”.

“Stop it!”.

“Or how else did you get rid of him? He’s not here, is he?”

“No he isn’t”. She didn’t have to look back into the Great Hall to know that. As soon as she had entered it, her eyes had travelled to the main table and found his place empty. “But I didn’t kill him or anything. He was safe and sound when I left him”. 

“I’m surprised you went there in the first place after what had happened on Friday”.

“We sorted it out”.

“<i>Sorted it out?” </i>He nearly dropped the box he was carrying, “Are you mad?”

“No, why?” she asked calmly. 

“After all the things he said? You were torn to pieces!”

“Ah yes”. She cast a glance around. Loads of students were filing out of the Great Hall. It wasn’t the best place to discuss Snape. “Well, he had a good explanation. And I think he has learnt from it too… after he got the full blast of my fury over him”.

“Did you shout at him?” 

“I didn’t restrain myself, to put it tentatively”. 

“Good girl!” He grinned, “Serves him right. I’d have loved to be a fly in that room”. 

“Ah well, the most important thing is that it’s sorted out now. I really didn’t feel like changing my subject just because of that”. 

“And what did you do last night then; when you went back?”

“Worked on the potion”. 

“All evening? Or all night? You weren’t back by midnight, were you? I came in search of you”.

“To his office?”

“Yes”. 

“I don’t want that , Fred,” she said seriously, ”There’s no need to come and pick me up – least of all at Snape’s office. I’m old enough to know when I should stop working with him and go back. If you had wanted to see me you should have told me before I went there and I would have tried to finish earlier”. 

“That’s not the point,” said Fred, “You weren’t there”. 

“No, I wasn’t “. 

She had to be careful now. She really didn’t want to cause problems for Snape by admitting that he had invited her into his private quarters, even if that meant that she had to lie to her boyfriend.

“We were outside. In the greenhouses. Looking for knotgrass”. 

“I don’t think you should spend many Saturday evenings with Snape. You shouldn’t be spending too much time with him in the first place”. 

“Says who?” she asked, somewhat prickled.

“Says I. Honestly!”.

“I can judge that for myself, Fred,” she said, clearly irritated now, “You, nor anyone else, should tell me who I can or cannot meet when”. 

“I’m your boyfriend. You could at least spend some time with me on a Saturday evening”. 

“You weren’t even there! You were with George, knocking articles together for your joke shop. What does it matter to you then where I am and with whom?”

“That’s not the point”. 

“That’s very much the point! You behave as if we were a married couple and even <i>then</i> I wouldn’t accept that!”.

There was some sniggering from the students who happened to pass by at that moment, but Billie was well beyond caring.

“Look, we shouldn’t have this conversation here,” she continued, “And besides, I’m fed up with it. You’re trying to make me feel guilty for making an effort to pass these blasted NEWTS, while you yourself spend most of your time inventing jokes. The pot’s calling the kettle black”. 

“Billie, it’s Snape we’re talking about”. 

“Don’t shout his name”. 

“Who cares?” he shrugged, “You can spend all your evenings and nights and days with everyone decent, but you mustn’t be involved with an evil, double-faced git like him”.

“Who says he’s evil?”

“He’s Head of…”

“Yeah, I know,” The last thing she wanted was to draw the people’s attention to Snape’s person again. 

“Well then?”

She shook her head. “You don’t understand and I can’t explain either. In any case, I’ll go on working with him until my essay is finished”.

“Humpf,” he exclaimed disapprovingly, “I don’t like it”. 

“I know and … well…” 

“… and you don’t care”

“That’s not true!” she protested but he had already turned his back towards her and walked away. 

“Fred!” She wanted to rush after him but stopped in her tracks when she caught sight of a black figure that was climbing the stairs towards where she was standing.

His eyes rose to meet hers but he didn’t give any sign of recognition or anything that referred to the day before. She thought that he was going to ignore her and looked back to where Fred’s retreating figure was disappearing from view when, suddenly, softly-spoken words came floating towards her, “Check the hair-restoring potions”. 

She cast him a non-understanding look. The row with Fred had pushed all memories of their last conversations aside. 

“They contain both knotgrass and dittony”, he continued, his eyes resting on a spot somewhere ahead of her. 

But before she could show him that she had understood, he had passed her and entered the Great Hall, where the last of the students stood chatting.

No one seemed to have noticed how he had addressed her. 

Hair-restoring potions… 

She cast a last uncertain glance at the corridor through which Fred had left; thought for a while and decided that she was too angry to go in search of him. She was not going to be bossed about by him and even less so trail behind him like a cast-off dog.

So she turned right and headed straight for the library. 

 

She was browsing the fifth so-called hair restoring potion in a row and still hadn't found anything interesting that would give her an idea of why knotgrass was so vulnerable and how it could be reinforced.

And still there had to be an answer in there. Snape would never have suggested she consult the recipes if there hadn’t been one.

She sighed and took another book from the shelf. “Celtic Potion Recipes”.

There wasn’t a table of content so she was forced to turn every single one of the eight hundred pages in search of a potion that might not even be there.

 

The orange winter sun had long disappeared behind the hills surrounding the castle and her stomach had already roared like a lion a couple of times by the time she finally hit upon a page that bore the title “<i>Hair Restorer, Dittony”</i>

<i></i>

<i>From the many potions that are said to restore hair, only a few are more or less effective. We would like to focus on one potion in particular, the Dittony potion.</i>

 

There was a long list of ingredients and a rather complicated recipe underneath it of which Billie only read the highlights, until her eyes fell on a footnote that was added to the page.

<i></i>

<i>We strongly advise the use of medusa puss as an additive. The potion’s effectiveness has less to do with its ingredients than with the power of their compound, which is made possible thanks to the mixture of dittony and swamphay. Swamphay however tends to dissolve as soon as the dittony is added. Medusa puss prevents this from happening, by fusing together with it, thus reinforcing the swamphay without adding any characteristics of its own.</i>

 

A broad smile spread over her face. 

What worked in a hair restoring potion might very well work in a Polyjuice Potion too… If medusa puss strengthened the swamphay, it might do the same with knotgrass.

She got to her feet and decided to try it out at once. 

But then she realised she didn’t have any medusa puss in her stock – it wasn’t a thing students usually kept - and she wouldn’t be able to ask Snape for any on a Sunday evening either. 

Ah well, tomorrow they had double potions anyway. 

 

“May I take medusa puss from your stock, sir?”

It didn’t take more than a fraction of a second for him to understand that she wasn’t talking about the Wolfsbane Potion she was now finishing.

He took out his wand and muttered <i>Muffliato.</i>

“I take it you have read the Celtic Potion Book, Miss Matthews?”

Billie nodded. 

“Knotgrass is not swamphay”. 

“I know, sir, but their characteristics aren’t very unsimilar, are they? And we have no alternative for the time being anyway”. 

“Hm…” He thought for a moment. “Were you planning to test it on your own?”

“Yes. We don’t have any sessions anymore, do we?”

“I would rather be present when you test it, Miss Matthews. The Polyjuice Potion can react aggressively if an ingredient other than the usual ones is added”. 

“Can I come and see you tonight?”

“No, I have another appointment tonight. I will have to let you know when I am free to see you”. 

“OK”. 

“Excellent wolfsbane potion”. 

“Thank you, sir”, but his warning glance immediately pushed back the smile she was about to display. 

Of course… they were not supposed to be on very friendly terms. 

 

“I’ve got to make it up with him, Emily. This is no way of parting”. 

They were sitting at a nearly empty table in the Great Hall. Most students had left for their classes but Emily and Billie were free after lunch.

It was already Wednesday afternoon and Fred was still not talking to Billie. In DADA, Transfiguration and Charms, the classes they shared, he had sat with his brother as usual, but stayed away from her in the corridor and she had done the same. And during meals, he had headed straight for the Gryffindor table and always chosen to sit with his back towards the Ravenclaws. 

“But what will you do then?” asked her friend, “Drop your sessions with Snape?”

“’Course not. And I don’t think he will ask that of me anyway” said Billie, “It’s very unlike Fred to put his foot down on something, let alone forbid me to do things”.

“He’s probably just jealous”. 

“Of Snape?” Not a week ago she would have laughed aloud at that, but now she could only force a little smile.

“I know. It’s ridiculous,” said Emily. 

“Yes, so I’d better have it cleared out then”. 

“Are you still in love with him?”

 “I think so… I dunno”, she sighed, “Sometimes I have a feeling we’re more friends than anything else. I like to be with him but is that love? I’ve no idea”. She met her friend’s sympathetic gaze. “Are you in love with Roger?”

“Yes”. 

“How do you know that?”

Emily whistled between her teeth. “How do I know that…? I dunno. It feels that way. I still get a funny feeling in my stomach when I see him walk in. And I droodle his name a lot, but that could be because Umbridge’s lessons are so deadly boring. And I’m always looking forward to meeting him alone, of course”. 

The latter was true for her as well: it was always something to look forward to when they had arranged to meet somewhere, mostly in the Room of Requirement. The trouble was that they saw very little of each other these days. 

“I don’t know if he gives me any goosebumps,” Billie said meditatively. “I’m so terribly busy always. I can’t have my mind on anything else than Snape’s extra potions and this Polyjuice Potion”. 

She sighed. “I really hope I will get some more time off now that Snape has given me his notebook”. 

“What notebook?”

“His personal notebook, so that I don’t have to spend all my time in the library, preparing for his lessons”. 

Emily’s eyebrows went high up in surprise. “Did he give you that? Wow!”. 

“Yes, that was really nice,” Billie smiled, “I gave him the full blast of my frustration about not being able to breathe anymore and instead of expelling me, he gave me his notebook”. 

Emily sat back, seemingly impressed. 

“So no wonder I can’t think of him as the biased piece of bad news everyone thinks he is”, Billie added. 

“You’d better explain that to Fred”. 

Billie shook her head. “No, I don’t want to do that. The more people know these things about Snape, the higher the risk that the wrong ears catch the rumour”.

“But Fred’s your boyfriend”. 

“I know. But do you think knowing this will change anything for him? Whatever Snape says or does, Fred will always think it’s part of a hidden agenda. He’d still think I’m wasting the time I should be spending with him instead”.

“So what are you going to do then?”

“Have a chat with him anyway tonight. We can’t go on like this, not speaking to each other for such a stupid reason. And if it ends in a split, I hope we will at least part as friends”.

“Miss Matthews?”

Billie looked down to where the voice had sounded and, to her surprise, stared straight into the pale-blue eyes of a house elf. 

“Oh hello,” she smiled. 

“Professor Snape would like to meet you in his office tonight, Miss Matthews, during dinner “

Emily rolled her eyes. “There goes your chat…” she said in a sing-song voice.

“Erm… thank you,” said Billie to the house elf, “Could you tell him that I will be there?”

“Yes, miss,” and with that the elf disappeared in the blink of an eye. 

“What?” asked Billie when she caught the sceptical look of her friend.

“Should you do that? You were going to talk to Fred”. 

“This is important, Emily. We may have a breakthrough tonight”. 

“Hm…”

“Look, I can talk to Fred tomorrow, can’t I? I’ll ask him to have a word with him during Transfiguration. But I really want to test what I’ve found before the Christmas holidays start. Otherwise, I’ll be reading potion recipes under the mistletoe”.

“Are you still planning to stay at Fred’s place over the holidays?”. 

She bit her lip. “Dunno. Not if we can’t clear it out before that”. 

“So you’d better make sure you see him tomorrow then. It’s more or less your last chance”. 

“Yes, I’ll do that. Whatever happens I will make sure we have talked before the day is over”. 

“Good,” smiled her friend. 

 

“Damn,” she cursed under her breath as she sat peering into the microscope.

“You were saying?”

She looked up at him. “I thought it would last but it’s dissolving again”. 

“So the medusa puss is not fusing with the knotgrass”. 

“No, it isn’t,” she sighed. 

He stood up from his chair and walked over to where she was sitting. 

“But it is slower in dissolving than it used to do?” he asked as he lowered himself on the stool next to her.

“A little”.

“May I?” 

He leaned over her to have a look into the microscope himself, and now that they had been through the alcove experience, Billie didn’t even feel the need to shove up anymore. In a bad temper, she rested her chin in one hand and stared ahead of her.

“The dissolving is slowing down,” he muttered  “but it has not stopped”.

His eyes grew a little larger when he lifted his head from the microscope and met her gaze at a closer distance than he had expected. He marvelled at the disappointment that was reflected in her eyes. 

“Such things are bound to happen in potions, Miss Matthews”, he said consolingly. Billie immediately straightened up. “What works with one ingredient does not necessarily work with another”. 

“But knotgrass and swamphay are so similar,” she said. 

“Yes, and one can see that the medusa puss is really trying to fuse with the knotgrass. Only, it does not seem to be strong enough”.

“And if we added a binding ingredient, sir? Could that help?”

“Perhaps,” he said, “If it is one that, similar to medusa puss, does not add any characteristics of its own to the potion”. 

“But you do think that we should continue using the puss?”

“For the time being, yes”. 

She gave him a sad smile. “Well then I suggest I’ll start looking for something to bind it to the knotgrass when I’m making the Christmas cake”. 

He chose not to comment on that. It wasn’t the first time Billie got the impression that Christmas was no favourite subject of his. 

“I’d better leave,” she sighed, “It’s getting late”. It was again past midnight.

“Before you leave, Miss Matthews, I should like to have a word with you about the Wolfsbane potion you finished on Monday”. 

“Ah yes”. She had completely forgotten about it.

“I have tested it and it was perfect”.

Her face lit up. “Really?”

“I daresay you will not have anything to fear from the NEWT committee’s questions you will be faced with at the end of the year”. 

“Why? Is the Wolfsbane potion part of their programme?”

“Not for the average student, but it is in your case”. 

She frowned. “How come they make that distinction? They don’t know me, do they?”

“They base their questions on a list of potions drawn by myself”. The thin smile was playing on his lips again. 

“The NEWT exams are still half a year away,” said Billie, “I won’t remember all the details about the steps I have taken by the time we get there”. 

“Oh, I am sure you will. Your memory is impressive when it comes to potions”.

“Thank you”, she said charmingly, “I wish it was the same in other subjects”. 

“You cannot be an overall talent in everything”. 

As they were still sitting closer than usual, Billie saw the brown in his eyes again and she wondered if it was because of this that she thought the cold emptiness in them was missing. He gave a normal, if not even friendly impression, and she felt quite comfortable in his presence now.

“What other potions do they have on their list, sir?”

“I will not tell you that, of course, Miss Matthews,” he sounded a little teasing now, “NEWT examinations are meant to be a test case, and in that sense a surprise for the graduating student”. 

“Will I be asked to brew a potion?”

“Most potions are too complicated and their brewing too time-consuming to make that possible, but they may ask you to finish a base they have prepared”.

“I see,” said Billie, “Will you be part of the committee?”

“No, but I will be present as an observer”. 

She frowned. “What would be the use of <i>that?</i>”

“If a student suffers a mental breakdown, the teacher’s presence can help to bring them back on track again”. 

In the case of most teachers Billie could perfectly imagine that, but not in his case. 

Snape, of course, had no trouble reading her mind.

“Be careful not to express your sceptical thoughts, Miss Matthews,” he warned her, but there wasn’t much wickedness in his words. 

She smiled and got to her feet. They were balancing on a thin line between good-humoured teasing and sarcasm that could end in a snappy argument again, with Billie being cut short and thrown out of the office in the worst case. And she wasn’t sure she should be running that risk. She couldn’t afford any conflicts with Snape. As it was, she had already gone a lot further in the way she was dealing with him than students were supposed to do, so she had better not push the limits too far.

“I will see what I can find on binding ingredients during the Christmas holidays, Professor,” she said. 

“Very well”. He stood up from  his stool too. “But do not try to contact me, Miss Matthews. Mail is intercepted and checked nowadays”. 

“I won’t,” she promised, “I didn’t intend to disturb you during your holidays anyway”. 

“Thank you. That is most considerate of you,” His usual sneer had returned. “Would you like me to accompany you back to your House?”

Billie shook her head. “I will be all right, I think. We draw more attention to ourselves if we walk together”. 

“Shall I cast a disillusionment charm on you again?”

“No, because you wouldn’t be able to undo it. It would be a funny sight if I sat in class looking transparent”. 

He frowned. “You could undo it yourself”. 

“Yes, but then I’m not sure what I would look like afterwards”, she grinned, “I’ve never got the hang of it”.

But before Snape could reply to this, they were both startled by the sound of a voice in the fireplace.

“Severus?” 

Professor Dumbledore’s head was dancing into the flames, “Could you come to my office without delay? Is Miss Matthews with you?”

“She is”. 

“Be careful she is not caught on her way to her House. There is no time to escort her I’m afraid, Severus. Perhaps Miss Matthews can follow you as far as this office and then walk the last bit alone. Oh, and it would be good if you could come unnoticed too”.

“I will, do not worry”. 

And with a dull plop, the fire turned its usual form again.

“We have to go”. There was a trace of concern in the dark eyes that met hers. Billie could nearly physically feel how the easy-going, rather informal atmosphere of just a few minutes before had completely changed. 

She wondered what it was that had happened. Probably something serious again. These days, hardly anything positive happened in the first place.

 

It was deadly silent and exceptionally dark in the corridors now that the moon was completely hidden behind a thick curtain of snow clouds. 

Billie found it very hard to see where she was walking. When she tripped over an unevenness in the stone floor, Snape’s fingers closed around her arm to prevent her from falling  and stayed there as they continued their walk towards the Headmaster’s office. 

They moved rapidly but silently. How Snape managed to find his way in this infernal darkness and to walk without making any sound whatsoever was beyond Billie, but she was glad he was here with her anyway.

Her sense of direction told her that they weren’t too far away from the gargoyle anymore. Fearing she should walk into one of the armours that were lining this part of the castle, she stayed as close to Snape as she could and was grateful he guided her with his fingers loosely curled around her upper arm. Until he suddenly stopped. 

“Look, Miss Matthews,” he whispered. 

She wanted to reply that she couldn’t see a thing, but thought it wise to keep quiet.

He moved his hand to her back and gently pushed her towards the opposite wall. “There is another passageway behind this painting. It will take you to the western part of the castle if you keep to the right. It forks after a few yards”. 

“It’s pitch dark in here, sir,” she whispered back. “Can I light my wand in there?”

“If you keep the light as weak as possible. Not more than a nearly-burnt candle”. She heard the sound of a wooden panel being shoved aside and the next moment, he pushed her through a narrow gap and immediately slipped in after her. “Not more than this,” he said allowing the tip of his wand to cast a faint, bluish light on her face and the walls surrounding them. 

“I have to go now,” he muttered. “Be careful, Billie”.

<i>Billie</i>… 

He had never used her first name before. As far as she remembered he had never used <i>anyone’s</i> first name before. She felt a strange, not unpleasant sensation somewhere in the pit of her stomach.

“I will,” she whispered, “Goodnight, Professor”.

 “Goodnight. Enjoy your holiday”. 

“Thank you. You too,”

She thought it wise not to mention Christmas. 

Knowing with certainty that he would miss her dazzling smile in the two coming weeks, he turned away from her and slipped through the gap to the corridor again. Billie felt strangely lonely when the painting closed behind him.


	6. Part I Chapter 6

6

 

“Have you seen, Fred?” 

Emily cast a quick glance around the Great Hall where the students were having their breakfast and shook her head. 

“No, nor George. Perhaps they have overslept”. 

Roger, who was sitting left of Emily, looked up from his plate.

“Haven’t you heard? All the Weasleys have been sent home last night”. 

Billie nearly suffocated in her pumpkin juice. “<i>What</i>?”

“Yes, they’ve been taken out of their beds in the middle of the night and sent home”. 

“But why?”

“I believe their father has had an accident”

“<i>What</i>?” exclaimed Billie again, this time slopping pumpkin juice all over the table. “Is he all right?”. 

“Dunno. Noone has seen any of them”. 

“How do you know about it then?”

“I overheard Sarah Clearwater. She shares her dormitory with Ginny Weasley”. 

“Jeez…” Billie sat back and shoved her plate aside. Her appetite had completely gone. “Arthur… Oh, I do hope he’s all right”. 

“It sounds serious if they’ve all been sent home,” remarked Emily.

“I’ll send Fred an owl”. 

“That’s not the best way of making up, you know”, said Emily.

“I don’t intend to make it up with an owl,” said Billie, “Just check if his dad’s all right”. 

“Owls are being read,” said Roger. 

“Yes, but there’s hardly anything wrong with inquiring after someone’s health, is there,” said Billie. 

“Can’t you ask anyone else who’s close to the family?” asked Roger.

“Harry’s Ron’s best friend,” said Emily, “Perhaps you should ask him”.

“He’s left together with them,” said Roger. 

“Harry was sent home with the Weasleys?” repeated Billie incredulously, “Why? What did he have to do with Arthur’s accident?”

Roger shrugged. “No idea”. 

“Today’s more or less our last day before the holidays,” said Emily, “Perhaps you should wait until you’re safely home again and then send an owl. At least, there won’t be an Umbridge at your place”. 

“Hm… yes perhaps,” said Billie, “And it doesn’t look as if I’m going to spend the Christmas Holidays at Fred’s place either”. 

“And by Friday evening, Fred may have more news about his father than he has now,” said Emily, “If it has been a severe accident they may not know how quickly he will recover yet”. 

“Or <i>if </i>he will recover,” muttered Billie. The memory of the night before had just come back to her, when Dumbledore had summoned Snape to his office. 

So Dumbledore had turned to Snape when the accident had happened. 

She wondered why.

Her eyes travelled to the staff table. Umbridge was wearing her pink ostrich stole again – as if she were on her way to a party. McGonnagle sat chewing on her toast, bearing an expression that couldn’t be further away from the High Inquisitor’s smug face; Professor Sprout and Professor Flitwick had their heads together for a whispered conversation; Dumbledore was absent and Professor Sinistra too; and Hagrid and a couple of other teachers as well… 

And Snape was absent too. 

Was he having a lie-in? Or was he still stuck in the Headmaster’s office? Or had he accompanied the Weasleys and Harry home? 

No, the latter was not very probable; he wasn’t their Head of House and it wasn’t exactly as if a great affection existed between both parties.

For a moment, she forgot about Arthur and Fred as she recalled the things that had happened on the night before. Again, something had changed. It was as if, with every session they had together, they were becoming more and more personal in their relationship, especially since he had now started to use her first name. 

It was a pity the seventh years didn’t have any classes with him today. She tried to make herself believe that she was only looking forward to Potions because it would give her a chance to inquire after Mr Weasley’s condition but that was nonsense. She had been looking forward to his classes for several weeks already.

She received a slight shock when she saw the subject of her thoughts walk in by the side door and join the teacher’s table. Since he more or less had his back turned towards her as he was addressing Professsor McGonnagle, she permitted herself to let her eyes rest on him for a little while. She was experiencing another feeling she had only recently acquired: the feeling that she was sharing something with him which only the two of them knew about. Of course, there was definitely no such thing, but still… 

She really wondered how he was going to spend Christmas this year. Or how he usually spent it. Again, she had the feeling that it wasn’t the merriest season of the year for him. 

“<i>Billie</i>… !”

She shot out of her reverie and stared at her friend in confusion.“Sorry, I wasn’t listening”. 

Emily’s eyes travelled to the dark man at the staff table, but fortunately, she kept every piece of comment to herself. 

“Are you joining us in the library? We still have that essay to finish on spilching”. 

“Yes, of course,” muttered Billie. 

She quickly got to her feet and without a glance back followed her friends out of the Great Hall.

 

Mr Weasley was going to make it. In reply to her letter, Fred had informed her that indeed, his father had been very severely wounded after an attack by a snake and that it had looked very bad at first, but now he was back home and they would be able to celebrate Christmas with the whole family. 

He didn’t invite her to come over and she didn’t make any such suggestion either. So, much to her parents’ delight, she spent the Christmas holidays at home, like she did every year, in the company of her parents, her gran and her brother Peter, with a bunch of uncles, aunts and their children in addition on Christmas day. 

She spent most of the time just enjoying herself by taking walks with the dog, visiting old friends, playing the violin and reading loads of things she had been wanting to read ever since term had started, but the Polyjuice Potion was never really out of her mind. She caught herself examining the various ingredients of the Christmas cake and other dishes, wondering if any of them specifically had a binding function in the recipe. She was particularly interested in the baking powder, the bicarbonate, but she was forced to dismiss the possibility of using it in the potion, due to its leavening characteristics.

 

One day, when she was walking the dog together with her dad, she brought up the issue of the medusa puss and the dissolving knotgrass.

“So the medusa puss fuses with swamphay but not with knotgrass, and as a result of that, it can’t prevent the knotgrass from dissolving as soon as stronger ingredients are added to the potion, is that it?” asked her dad. 

“Yes, that’s exactly the problem we have”. 

“So you’re looking for an alternative ingredient for the medusa puss?”

“No, not really. You see, it <i>does</i> fuse with knotgrass but not strongly enough, so what we need is something that reinforces this fusion, so that it prevents the knotgrass from shrinking when the other ingredients are added”. 

“If that exists”. 

“Yes. If no such thing exists we will of course be forced to look for an alternative ingredient, but then we’ll have to start from scratch again in a journey that may never end. So unless we have tested all possibilities, Professor Snape is reluctant to remove the puss from the potion. <i>Freddie!</i>”.The latter was meant for the dog who had smelled a fox or something and who was now digging a huge hole, throwing tonnes of earth all over the place. 

“I’ve just spent half a day trimming him!” Billie exclaimed.

“And it looks like you’ll spend another one washing him,” grinned her dad, ‘Look at his paws and his underbelly. There’s clods of earth everywhere. Keeping a long-haired white bear in a rural area like ours was perhaps not our best idea”. 

“Wouldn’t want to miss him, though,” said Billie, “I can’t wait until I’ve graduated so that I can spend more time with him”.

“Unless you go and live in London, of course”. 

“Why would I want to do that?”

“Isn’t the Ministry of Magic located in London? And most of the wizard shops?”

“Yes, but I don’t intend to work at the Ministry, nor in a shop”. 

“An apothecary is a shop”. 

“Ah, yes, but Snape suggested to write a thesis”. 

“Mentored by him? Would you join him as his assistant then?”

“I haven’t asked him yet but it is a possibility, isn’t it?”

“Yes, of course. And what about chemistry?”

“Chemistry?”

“Wouldn’t it be helpful for you to study chemistry with me for some time? It might help you with your potions afterwards”. 

She cast him a sideways look. “That’s not a bad idea, you know”. 

“No, I have often wondered if those two couldn’t be combined,” said her father, “Take your knotgrass problem, for example. We may use a substance in our chemicals which could help you there”. 

“Hm… Do you have anything that fuses with grasses?”

“No, but we may have something that reinforces mixtures. A binding ingredient for example”. 

“Yes, I have been thinking of baking powder”. 

“Baking powder is not really reinforcing the mixture, but starches do”. 

“Starches?”

“Yes, like potato starch or millet. Do you think we can test this?”

“Here you mean? No, I don’t think so. I’m not allowed to brew any potions in the presence of muggles”. 

“Well in that case you had better take a few types of starches back to Hogwarts. You could test them with Professor Snape”. 

“Are there any starches with no particular characteristic on their own, apart from the binding element then?”. 

“Millet starch adds very little to a mixture. And rice starch”. 

“Do you have some in stock?”

“Yes, I’ll give you a set of all the things I use. Just remind me before you leave”. 

 

And that is how, on the very first day after the Christmas holidays, Billie nearly immediately went in search of Snape to settle a new date for their next session.

He had warned her not to mix any new ingredients in the Polyjuice Potion in his absence, for fear an undesired or even dangerous chemical reaction would take place. But they didn’t have any Potions classes on Monday and she couldn’t openly address him in the Great Hall or when she found herself surrounded by other students in the corridor, so apart from an occasional glance in his direction during meals she couldn’t do anything else than wait until the next Potion class took place. 

Meanwhile,she took advantage of the occasion to clear things up with Fred. She cornered him immediately after Transfiguration and felt more than relieved when he greeted her with a warm smile. 

“Hello Billiewiggles”. 

The use of his pet name for her was promising. She thanked him with a big kiss.

“How’s your dad?”

“Brilliant. A few scars here and there and a black eye but that’s about all that’s left of his injuries”. 

“But what happened?”

“Got bitten by a snake when he was on duty”. 

“A snake at the Ministry? That’s funny, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, a bit. Anyway, you haven’t come here to talk about my dad, have you?”. 

“No, ‘course not,” she grinned. “I just felt sorry for the argument we’d had before the holidays”. 

“You think it was stupid”. 

“Yes. Terribly stupid”.

“What you mean to say is that you agree with me that Snape is a biased, arrogant, filthy, dirty nitwit”. 

“Erm… no”. 

“No?” 

She could tell that he wasn’t really angry or disappointed – merely teasing her.

“No. He’s helpful, spits out Umbridge as much as we do and he’s quite nice, really”. 

“Fakes it no doubt”. 

“I don’t think so but that’s not the point, is it. What matters is us”. 

“Ah yes, of course”. 

“So perhaps we should leave Snape out of our conversation and spend some more quality time together”. 

“Quality time?” laughed Fred.

“I know, it’s a stupid word. I heard my uncle use the term the other day, but you see what I mean, don’t you”. 

“So what you basically mean is that we should stop talking and make love instead”. 

“A bit like that, yes”, she laughed. 

“Good. I like that I think. It’s the aspect of us I’ve always liked most”.

“So have I,” she admitted, slightly blushing.

“All right, Billiewiggles. When do we meet next? Tonight?”

“Yes, why not?”

“Same place?”

“If Emily isn’t using it”. 

“I’ll tell Roger to stay away from it. We’ve got a higher priority cos we’ve got to reconcile”. 

Before she could stop him he had pressed his lips on hers and was kissing her with a vigour she had seldom felt in him before. It did cause a funny tinkling in her legs.

“See you tonight, Billiewiggles”. 

“You may remember, Mr Weasley, that students are not allowed to find themselves in a perimeter of less than a meter from each other”. 

All day she had been looking for him, hoping to find him alone and agree on a time to meet, and now, at the most inconvenient moment possible, he was standing behind her back. Even if she had nothing to be ashamed of, except for breaking one of Umbridges ridiculous rules, she felt highly embarrassed and irritated and she wished Fred had never kissed her in public.

“A little tricky if you find yourself queuing at your classroom or sharing a cauldron, isn’t it Professor,” Fred sneered.

“I was merely stating the fact, Mr Weasley. I did not invent the rule myself, which does not mean that you are not breaking it of course. Detention would be in place, I think. Shall we say tomorrow at eight?”.

“If Billie’s joining. There were two of us, you know”. 

The black eyes glided towards the dark-blue ones and registered the embarrassment in them.

“Indeed. Miss Matthews, kindly join your friend in detention tomorrow evening. I am in need of an extra stock of medusa puss”. 

He held her gaze a little longer than usual and then turned around and left.

 

“Squeezing out medusas! Nice!” said Fred as soon as Snape had disappeared from view.

Billie didn’t say anything. For her, it was just part of the job to make sure medusa puss was available when they needed it in the potion and she couldn’t blame Snape for giving them detention when a rule was broken; It would at least have looked strange if he hadn’t. 

But she still had a hollow feeling in her stomach. She had hoped her relationship with Snape had moved beyond things like detentions, and especially serving detention for kissing Fred left a bitter taste in her mouth.

 

“Why don’t you attend Harry’s DA classes?” asked Fred as they headed for the dungeons on the following evening, “You’d be a lot safer in Snape’s presence”. 

“I don’t think he’ll hex me or anything, you know,” laughed Billie, “We usually get on very well until you interfere”.

He pulled an ugly face. “You <i>could</i> do with some extra lessons”.

“Definitely. And come to think of it, now that I have less preparation work to do for the Potions classes, I might actually have the time to attend them”. 

“Really?” A wide grin broke across his face.

“When is it again?”

“It depends. The next session is on Thursday but it could be a Monday or any other day in the next weeks”. 

“ But how am I supposed to plan my sessions with Snape if the DA are meeting at random?”

“It’s never on Saturday mornings”. 

“I’m not sure I’ll still be meeting him on Saturday mornings”. 

“Not on Saturday evenings I hope?”

“Dunno… I don’t think so; It’d be suspicious if neither of us showed up for dinner week after week”. 

“Are you still not finished? Jeez… what are you up to with him?”

“Nothing indecent,” she laughed, “It’s just a very complicated thing we’re doing”.

“As long as you don’t invite me to join you, Billiewiggles. Although I wouldn’t mind keeping an eye on things”. 

“Thanks but no, thanks. I can perfectly manage on my own”.

She knocked on the door and was careful to wipe the smile from her face before they entered. 

 

 

“Professor? I wonder if we could have a word”. 

Snape cast an uncertain glance at Fred before he walked over to where she was standing, but Fred was completely absorbed by the trouble his medusa was giving him. 

“Yes, Miss Matthews?”

“I was wondering, sir, if you have considered the possibility of using starches to reinforce the fusion of knotgrass with the puss?”

“No…” he replied slowly, “What makes you think they could serve our purpose?”

“My dad uses them to reinforce chemical compounds. I know that chemicals have very little to do with potions,” she added quickly when she saw him open his mouth in protest, “but since starches have very few characteristics of their own, I thought it couldn’t hurt to give it a try”. 

“Adding non-magical ingredients to a potion like this one is dangerous, Miss Matthews, as I have reminded you on more than one occasion”. 

“I know,” she admitted.

“And what makes you think they would easily merge with the knotgrass or the puss?”

“I have tested that with millet starch. Mixing it with the puss did not work- the millet starch curdled. But when I ground the starch with the knotgrass so that they formed a homogenous mixture and added the puss after that, it dissolved very nicely into a liquid”. 

“But you have not added the liquid to the Potion I hope”. 

“No, not at all. I was hoping we could do that during our next session”.

“Hm…” He thought for a while, “I am not quite sure when the next session could take place”. 

A tiny muscle in the corner of his mouth twitched when he saw a shadow of disappointment glide over her face. It briefly occurred to him that she would also benefit from the Occlumency lessons he was planning with Potter.

“I have a new obligation on Monday evenings and as we discussed before, our previous appointment on Saturday mornings will not be possible anymore. As it is, the whole weekend has become unsuitable for such a meeting”.

She really didn’t look happy. Snape couldn’t recall the last time he had met a student who was disappointment that a private session with him had proved to be impossible. It could very well be a first even.

“Are you free on Thursday evening?” he suggested.

“Erm… I was hoping to… work on Defence Against the Dark Arts, sir, but if that would be the only possibility, I can of course change my plans”. 

“No, it is imperative that you should prioritise improving your defensive techniques”, Again this firmness about the importance of DADA… 

 “I wouldn’t mind working on the potion tonight, when we are finished here, Professor”. 

He shook his head; “The work is too delicate and important to have it finished in a hurry,” he said, “Could you stay longer after our Friday class?”

“Yes”. 

“I will think of a context that would justify your staying behind”, he said and to her surprise, he gave her the tiniest of smiles, “Do not be shocked when you find my method a little drastic, Miss Matthews. You will remember why it was done I hope”.

“Yes, of course,” she said and she couldn’t help smiling, which didn’t pass unnoticed by a sour-looking Fred.

 

When the last hour of term was moving towards its end, Snape swept towards her and cast a seemingly uninterested look into her cauldron, where the first mixture of a mandrake potion lay shimmering. 

The next moment, he had already turned away from her and moved his gaze towards Emily’s mixture, when all of a sudden, for no reason at all, the support from underneath Billie’s table snapped in two and the two cauldrons, notebooks, quills and handbooks fell to the floor, splashing lukewarm mandrake sap all over the place and soaking their school stuff in seconds.

With a look of incredulity on her face Billie turned to Snape, who stood staring at the mess on the floor with his lips twisted in sheer contempt. At that moment, the bell that announced the end of the lesson sounded.

“That will be extra time for you, I believe Miss Matthews. We cannot afford to lose the mandrake puss. You will have to manually clean this mess and make sure you recover as much of the mixture as possible”.

“Can I help Billie, sir?” offered Emily who looked rather shaken with the incident.

“No, Miss Wildsmith. Noble as your intentions may be, Miss Matthews has only herself to thank for this. There is no need to trouble a fellow student with the results of her clumsiness”. 

There was a sniggering coming from the corner where a couple of Slytherins stood watching the scene, but they quickly sprang into action when Snape’s voice sounded.

“Place your cauldrons on the window sill so that the mixture can ripe during the weekend. We shall continue on Monday morning”. 

The sounds of shuffling and low voices immediately filled the dungeon as people started to collect their stuff and carry their cauldron to the place Snape had indicated. Most of them cast curious glances at the mess on the floor. 

Billie patiently waited for them all to leave. She wasn’t going to sink to her knees and mop up the mess, observed by an audience. The task was unpleasant enough as such.

But then her eyes caught sight of the sodden handbooks and quills in the middle of the puddle and she leaned over and took out her wand to summon them back to her before they were ruined altogether.

“I would not do that if I were you,” came the soft voice behind her. 

A few students were still shouldering their schoolbags on their way towards the exit, but they didn’t seem to be aware of Snape’s voice.

He handed her a pair of rubber gloves. “Mandrake puss is not poisonous but it can cause serious injuries if you happen to have a small wound”.

“Thank you,” she muttered. She caught the books in her hand but they were sticky with the thick, green substance of thepuss. She cast an uncertain glance at Snape.

“Can I use a vanishing spell on them?”. 

“Yes, but name the mixture. Just to be on the safe side. And do it in the corridor. As I said, I do not want to waste any of this valuable puss, even if it was spilt on the floor”.

“Your strategy was a little drastic, sir”. 

“I know,” he admitted. Even if his face was completely immobile she received the faint impression of a smile, “But it was the only scenario I could think of that would not raise too much suspicion”.

She smiled and disappeared through the door to the deserted corridor.

“<i>Mandragora evanesca”</i> she whispered. 

The sticky substance disappeared immediately but the books’ pages were still ruffled and thick from the humidity. Fortunately, the content was still legible. 

Billie supposed the books would do until the end of term.

She went back to the classroom and stopped when her eyes fell on the spic and span stone floor. 

“Have you cleaned it up yourself?” she asked in surprise

“Of course,” said Snape matter-of-factly, “It would have been unjust to have you remove it when you were not to blame for the incident”. 

Hearing Snape pronounce the word <i>unjust </i>was another first… 

“But you removed it?”

“No, I transferred it to your cauldrons. They are the ones on the far left of the window sill”. 

“Thank you, sir,” she smiled. 

“Now back to our potion. I have kept everything in my room. Did you bring anything with you?”

“Yes, I prepared the mixture with the starch”.

“Well, take your bag with you then”.


	7. Part I Chapter 7

7

 

“So this is the mixture of knotgrass with a starch,” Snape said as he studied the green paste in Billie’s mortar. “Which starch did you use?”

“Starch from parboiled rice”. 

“Any specific reason why you chose that one?”

“It’s the most neutral type. It works quite well with most chemical compounds”.

“And you have added the puss already?”

“Yes, last night. As far as I can see, the fusion is complete now”.

He took a spoonful of the mixture, walked over to the microscope and trickled a few drops of it on the glass plate. Then he sat down on the high stool and looked into the eyepiece.

“Yes…” he muttered, “All ingredients appear to have completely merged”. 

He looked back at her. “But that is not saying anything about their effect in the Polyjuice Potion”. 

“No, “ she admitted. 

“Good,” He straightened, “Then I suggest we mix them together at once. But not until we have taken the necessary precautions”.

“What reaction do you expect, sir?”

“It could be anything,” he said, “From a low hiss to a powerful explosion. How much starch did you add to the knotgrass?”

“Only a few grammes – two or three pinches”.

“Yes, well, … potions are unpredictable”. He handed her a mask, gloves and what looked like a rubber bag.

“What is this?” she frowned.

“An apron… I know it is not the most elegant attire, Miss Mathews,” he added when he saw her scowl, “but I do not suppose you value your school uniform so little that you would not feel sorry if you ruined it”.

“I wouldn’t bet on that, sir,” she muttered, and when she caught his raised eyebrows she added, “… not after eight years, I mean. I’ve grown a little tired of it”.

“I see, well be that as it may you still have about six months to cover until you can lay it aside, so I suggest we protect it a little”. 

She pulled on the gloves and the apron without further protest. After she had tied the strings together on her back, she looked down and couldn’t help feeling immensely ridiculous. The rubber apron was covering her entire body up to her toes. Even the tips of her boots were hidden behind it. Snape was wearing the same type but his apron didn’t contrast too much with his usual black robes.

“Can you hold the mask when you are adding the mixture to the potion?” he asked.

She nodded. 

“Very well, then”. His gloved hand closed around the mortar that contained the knotgrass-starch mixture. 

“Take the pestle,” he said, “I will hold this for you”.

He placed the mask in front of his face and Billie followed his example. Then, with slightly trembling fingers, she took the pestle as Snape brought the mortar to the rim of the cauldron, met his eyes, by which she indicated that she was ready and ladled the mixture into the base of the Polyjuice Potion.

The cauldron immediately started to hiss and steam and thick bubbles appeared on its surface in seconds and angrily popped open. 

Snape put the mortar down, took out his wand and pointed it at the cauldron, but the mixture did not seem to rise any further than an inch from the rim. 

Still, with each plop the bubbles made, drops of potion were spat out, some of which landed on the table surface. When a large one sprang up towards Billie’s face, Snape instinctively pushed her away from it. 

The mixture kept splashing and roaring, sending a thick cloud of steam through the room but very gradually, it became less violent, less threatening, until it was barely more dangerous than a peacefully rippling cauldron of pea soup.

Only then did Billie realise that Snape’s hand was still resting on her shoulder and he seemed to have become aware of it too because the next moment, he took it away and stepped away from her to inspect the content of the cauldron, still holding his mask in front of his face.

“We will have to wait until it has cooled down before we can test it,” he said carefully studying the hot substance.

Billie took a step towards him and peered into the cauldron too. 

“It looks very much like the Polyjuice Potion,” she remarked, “The same colour- the same thickness. I had expected it to be a lot thicker, due to the starch”.

“Yes, I had expected the same,” agreed Snape, “but it does not look as if the starch has caused that effect”. 

He took off his mask and his eyes met hers. “Shall I test it in the morning and send you a message about the outcome?”

“Couldn’t I test the potion myself, sir? Do you think it has to cool down until the morning? The potion only needs about an hour normally”.

“I suppose it will need more time than the normal potion. It is after all a lot stronger… if the fusion was successful, that is”. 

“Hm…”

“But you may test the potion yourself,” and this time, there was no mistaking the smile that played on his lips. “If you are prepared to come back after dinner. It will be easy for you to do so. I happen to know that Professor Umbridge as well as her Inquisitorial Squad have left the castle tonight and will not come back until the start of the Quidditch game tomorrow. And should anyone else have questions, you can always tell them that you are serving detention with me for the mess you have caused earlier today”. 

“What time should I come to see you, sir?”

“Eight?”

“Eight is fine,” she gave him a brilliant smile. 

Long gone were the days when she would have been pissed off because of another ruined Friday night. She couldn’t possibly stay in the common room for a few drinks with friends or a date with Fred when they were on the verge of a breakthrough, a breakthrough that may have been the result of her own brilliant idea. 

“If I am supposed to serve detention I suppose I should still be wearing my school uniform then?”

“You told me you have grown tired of it”. 

“Yes”. 

“In that case you are free to choose a different attire. It is after all Friday night”.

“Thank you, sir” she smiled.

“Shall I walk you back?”. 

“I’m not sure…” Billie hesitated.  

“You have been in my classroom to mop up the mandrake puss,” he said, “That, and the fact that the majority of the students are already at table, will make it inconspicuous if we are seen walking to the Great Hall together”. 

“Yes, that’s true,” said Billie.

“Very well then. Do not forget to take your schoolbag”. 

 

The corridors were indeed silent. As they climbed the stairs to the ground floor where not a single sound was heard, Billie decided to bring up the subject of her future career. 

“Sir, do you think it would be interesting for me to study muggle chemistry for a while?”

He cast her a sideways glance. “Why would you do that?”

“My father made the suggestion. He thought it might give me a different insight in potions if I had that background as an extra’. 

Snape slackened his pace somewhat.

“You know that I think very little of combining potions with muggle chemistry, Miss Matthews”. 

“I know. So you don’t think that I should do it?”

“It never hurts to learn a little more of a discipline that bears similarities with potions,” he said with a slight hesitation, “On the other hand, you have barely scratched the surface of the art of potion making. There is still a lot for you to learn. It would be a shame to not use your time to that purpose first”. 

“But how can I do that, sir? Should I go to Beaubâtons?” She caught his glance again, “Or can I work as your assistant?”.

He cast a quick look around before he shifted his gaze to her again 

“I am not sure that now is the right time to discuss this,” he said softly. 

They continued their walk in silence for a while until he suddenly asked, “Would you <i>like</i> to work with me?”

“I have been thinking about that a couple of times lately”.

“Hm… I <i>am</i> exigent”.

“I know,” she chuckled.

They had nearly reached the Great Hall now.  

 “I will take the side door, Miss Matthews”. He stopped when they came at the double doors and looked back at her.

“I cannot promise you anything” he said, more softly even, “As it is, I would advise you to consider other options as well”. 

“Why?”

“My position is rather difficult at the moment”. 

“Oh…” Billie looked down. “I see.” Of course… She would still be muggle-born next year, and in the present climate it would be impossible for the Head of Slytherin, or even any other teacher at Hogwarts, to seek the assistance of a mudblood. 

The mere injustice of it all sent tears of fury to her eyes. 

The lump that had appeared in her throat at the same time did not get any better when she felt his long fingers on her arm.

“We will come back on this, Billie,” he said, forcing her to look up. “First things first. You have your NEWTS to think of at present”. 

She nodded.

“If the experiment is successful, you will have built quite a reputation,” he added, as if he wanted to cheer her up a bit. 

There was a strange look in the eyes that rested on her. 

Then he took away his hand and nodded at the double doors. “You had better go in now. I will see you later-on”.

“Yes. See you later, sir,” she whispered. 

 

Most students only had eyes for the crispy fish and chips the house elves had cooked for dinner. 

Billie squeezed herself between Emily and Cho Chang. 

“Oh, there you are!” said Emily, “How did it go?”

“What?”

“Removing the puss of course”. 

“Excellent,” she said as she transferred a small piece of cod and a handful of chips on her plate. She wasn’t in the least hungry. She still felt the lump in her throat and her stomach was twisted too. 

“You took a long time,” remarked Emily, “Or did you stay for your potion?”

“Yes, that was the intention all along,” said Billie under her breath. The risk of being overheard was not very big but still… 

“Ooo,” mouthed Emily, “So you made the table collapse on purpose?”

“<i>He</i> did it”. She couldn’t help grinning when she saw Emily’s dumbfounded face. “Watch out. You’re spilling ketchup”.

She cast a quick glance at the main table but Snape had not joined his colleagues yet. In fact, it wasn’t until the dessert was being served that he showed up. 

He was clearly very careful not to draw anyone’s attention to any contact he might have with Billie if he could help it, even when Umbridge and most Slytherins were absent. 

If that was the type of conditions muggle-borns would henceforth be living under, the future did not look too bright…

 

 

“Come in, Miss Matthews”. 

“I’m sorry I’m late, Professor, but I had to hide for Peeves”.

 “Why? What did he do?”

“He was blocking the entrance to the Great Hall with wooden blocks. So I had to make a detour to avoid being seen”.

“How did you manage to get to the sublevel then?”

“I took the stairs at the back- the ones next to the kitchen”. 

Snape sipped from the mug he was holding and crossed his arms. “I had no idea the students knew that entrance?”

“Erm… well… I… someone told me”. 

“Mr Weasley no doubt,” he sneered.

She preferred not to go there and he didn’t seem to expect a reply either. Instead he said, “We will go upstairs again. The office is far too cold now”.

The temperatures in January were indeed exceptionally low this year. Ever since Christmas, the Hogwarts grounds had been covered in thick layers of snow and in the corridors inside, where no fires were burning, you had to be careful not to slip over the rime-covered stones.

“What does the potion look like?” she asked as she joined him at the table where the cauldron stood shimmering.

“Not dissimilar to the normal Polyjuice potion,” said Snape, “It looks promising”. 

“So you think we can do the hair test today?”

“Yes, I think so”. He sat down on one of the two stools, leaving the one at the microscope to Billie.

Right. So this was going to be the moment of truth. If the dark hair turned blonde, or vice versa, the potion would work. If it didn’t… they would have to start it all over again.

“Please go ahead, Miss Matthews”. 

“Erm… “ she sat down on the other stool, “I need hairs”.

“You will find them underneath the glass plate”.

She lifted her eyebrows. 

“I saw no reason to waste time,” he simply said. 

She smiled and leaned over to the cauldron to take a spoonful of potion. Then she carefully removed the glass plates from underneath the microscope, shoved them aside, ladled just a few drops of potion on it, made sure that the hairs were still in place before she closed the glass plates again and put them back. The glass plates didn’t seem to fit , though. She had to turn them around a couple of times before they clicked into place.

Then she cast a quick glance at Snape, as if she was seeking courage to face the failure she was likely to be confronted with, took a deep breath and peered through the eyepiece.

One black hair… and a blonde one… Black left, blonde right… yes, that was the way she had placed them… and nothing happened… The potion normally worked immediately, also when they tested it on hairs.

She waited a couple of seconds more but still nothing happened. The black stayed as black as it could be and the blonde didn’t change either… If only it grew a tiny shade darker… or received black spots or stripes on it but nothing, absolutely nothing changed…

She cursed and angrily pushed the eyepiece away from her. 

Snape calmly met her angry glance. 

“It doesn’t work!” she spat out, rather superfluously.

“That is not possible…”.

“You can have a look for yourself, sir. The hairs haven’t changed”. 

He looked at her for a moment or two, as if he wanted to make sure she wasn’t joking and came to his feet. Billie automatically made room for him.

He looked into the eyepiece; played a little with the adjuster and looked up again.

“You say they have not changed…?” he asked her.

“Yes”. 

“But they have”. 

“Have they changed <i>now</i>?” asked Billie incredulously, “But… in these few seconds you mean?”

“I cannot tell when the transformation took place but they <i>have</i> changed”, said Snape calmly.

She very nearly pushed him aside to have another look. 

What was he saying? 

As soon as she had looked through the eyepiece she saw exactly the same image she had seen before. 

“But the black hair is still black and the blonde still blonde!”. 

“Black to the right and blonde to the left, is that correct?” asked Snape.

“Yes, black to…” and then she stopped herself and lifted her head from the microscope. 

“You’re right!” she exclaimed, all excited now, “The black one wasn’t on the left, it was on the right side! So that means… that means that the potion <i>works</i>!”

“So it seems”. 

It sounded neutral but there was unconcealed admiration in the black eyes now. 

“Congratulations, Billie,” said Snape, “If the test with the hairs is representative for the real characteristics of the Polyjuice Potion, and we have no reason not to believe so, you will have made the largest achievement a NEWT student has made in this school for decades”. 

Billie was staring at him with her eyes wide open. 

“It works…!” she muttered, “I can’t believe it… “.

“We will of course only be able to tell for sure after we have tested it on persons”, said Snape matter-of-factly but his even voice made a strong contrast with the expression on his face, in which the otherwise so cold and empty eyes were glowing with appreciation. 

“Shall I test it on myself, sir?” asked Billie. 

Snape crossed his arms and pondered on this for a moment. 

“I am not sure,” he said slowly, “You know that I am not in favour of testing potions on human beings. The risks are too high”. 

“But the Polyjuice Potion can’t be tested on animals either, can it?”

“No, not at all…” He bit on his lip, which was a very unusual sight for a usually very confident Snape.

“I think I will bring this matter to the Headmaster’s attention,” he finally said, “As it is, using students for experiments, especially when it comes to potions, is forbidden. However, since we do not have an alternative, I would like Professor Dumbledore to decide how we should proceed with this. Also, Billie…”

And now he looked very serious, “I am not sure if you realise this but if this new recipe proves to be successful, we will have developed a weapon which had better not fall into the wrong hands. Professor Dumbledore is the only person who can decide if and how these results should be made public”. 

Billie wasn’t sure she liked the sound of that. Did it mean that her improved recipe would be kept between these walls? 

“Let us first see if indeed the transformation lasts longer than the original one,” said Snape, “It may be premature to alert the Headmaster if we are not even sure the potion is indeed more powerful”.

He peered into the microscope again. “The hairs are still transformed. At least, that is a good sign”.

He looked back at her. “I suggest we wait for an hour, which is the usual time the potion lasts, and see if the transformation has been maintained. If it has, we will arrange for a meeting with the Headmaster”. 

 

“I would like to come back on what you told me before dinner, Miss Matthews,” said Snape after he had handed her a mug of tea and sat down opposite her. “About your future career”. 

“Oh,” said Billie.

“Am I correct in assuming that you were rather taken aback at my hesitation to accept you?”

Billie bit her lip. She met his gaze and since she found little threatening in the dark eyes that rested on her, she decided she could be open with him.  

“What perspectives do I have as a muggle born, sir?”, she asked. “I can’t help thinking that whatever choice I make will leave me with no chances of a job or an apprenticeship anyway. Already the secrecy with which we meet for this potion is saying it all”. 

“Our situation is not a usual one, Miss Matthews,” he said, not unfriendly, “Maintaining a certain discretion in my dealings with you may seem unpleasant to you but is a precaution I must take purely out of my rather unique position. It is not a thing any other wizard is forced to do, however”. He paused. “Still,“ he continued after he had studied her for a while, “You must have a feeling of the present climate. It is changing and not to your advantage”. 

“You mean here at Hogwarts?”. 

“No, not necessarily at Hogwarts”, he said slowly.

“In the wizarding world then? Are you saying that things are changing that specifically affect me as a muggle born?”

He nodded. 

Although she had expected something along those lines, it was as if an iron claw closed itself around her stomach. Fearing something was one thing, but seeing it confirmed was another. 

“Is he really back, sir?” 

He took a sip from his cup and looked away. 

“You have heard Professor Dumbledore after the Triwizard Tournament last year” he said dismissively, “We must not question the words of our Headmaster”. 

“Then what should I do?”

His eyes shifted back to hers. “Well… as a start and as I have said before, you should finish your work on the Polyjuice Potion and receive excellent marks for it and graduate”.

“And after that?” she asked and when he didn’t immediately answer, “Is there a point in receiving whatever marks when I won’t have the chance to prove myself in the wizarding world?”

“I have not said that you will not have the chance to prove yourself”. 

“The opportunities will be low in number if You-Know-Who is back”.

Snape sighed and put his cup down. He straightened a little in his high-backed chair, as if he wanted to stress the point he was going to make. 

“Listen, Miss Matthews,” he said, “At this very moment, there is absolutely no reason for you, or any other student, to panic. Even if the situation is evolving… into a particular direction, life will continue the way it has been before and probably for a considerable time still”. 

“But you said…”

“… which does not mean that you have to be careless or hide your head in the sand,” he continued with a certain stress and a flash in his eyes that warned her not to interrupt him again. “Caution is advisable but if you like to further develop your magical skills after your graduation from Hogwarts, you are still entirely free to do so”. 

“As long as it’s not potions,” she said rather bitterly.

“Why should you not be studying potions?”

“Because you can’t mentor me. And I don’t know any other Potions masters in Britain”. 

She was right. All his predecessors had either retired or were dead.

“From what you told me before, I understand that Beauxbâtons could be a perfect alternative, since you are partly French-speaking”.

“I don’t want to go to France,” she said curtly, “All my friends are here. And I don’t intend to run away if things go bad”. 

“It is not a matter of running away. It is making the best choice for your career”.

For a few moments there was a silence during which they simply sat studying each other. He looked his usual calm, imperturbable self although his usual mask of indifference had fallen off somewhat and was revealing a face that bore a nearly sympathetic expression. Billie’s dark-blue eyes reflected the concern, frustration and fear that were competing inside of her.

“Forgive me, “ he said after a while, “I should not have advised you to work on your potions first. Perhaps you should indeed study muggle chemistry for a  while”. 

“Do you mean that I should make sure I’m safely out of the way?” 

“It is too early to jump to conclusions, Miss Matthews,” he said firmly, “And once again, I must ask you to be discrete about this conversation”. 

“I’m tired of being discrete,” she snapped, as she stood up, “Besides, if what you are saying is true about You-Know-Who, I had better spread the word so that we can all prepare ourselves”. 

“No, you will do no such thing!” He had risen out of his chair too and was now standing at just a few inches from her. There was no mistaking the danger in his voice now. “Remember your place, Miss Matthews, and the conditions prevailing in this castle. You are not going to risk your own, and even less so <i>my</i>, position by spreading rumours and causing panic”.

“But…”

“Should there be any concrete danger for the students, the Headmaster will be the person, the <i>only</i> person, to warn you and to decide on necessary actions. It is neither your place nor anyone else’s to do that in his place!”

“And what if he leaves?” The tears that had suddenly come into her eyes caused her voice to tremble too, but she couldn’t stop herself. “Already he has been pushed aside by Umbridge in her role of High Inquisitor!”

‘Professor Dumbledore will not easily be removed. He is a little more powerful than Professor Umbridge”. His tone was curt but there was a certain softness in the black eyes and the pressure of his fingers that had suddenly closed around her arms felt reassuring. “Do not assume too much, Billie. As I have said before, there is no reason for you to panic at present”. 

“Students are being tortured, Professor,” she whispered, “She makes them carve lines into their hands”. 

“I am aware of that and that is exactly why I want you to be careful and to remain silent about the nature and the content of our conversations”. His hands were still resting on her arms as he said this. Billie’s eyes were glistening with tears. He deeply regretted causing such distress with her, but he couldn’t pretend nothing was the matter either… not when she was going to be amongst the first victims of the Dark Lord’s strategy.  

Strange how he always managed to play his double role perfectly but failed to do so every time things came to a head with Billie.

“Your first concern should be to be able to leave this school as soon as possible,” he said, “and, whilst you are staying here, to refine your skills as much as possible, especially when it comes to defending yourself”. 

Billie nodded. 

He released her. “Shall we have a look at another potion while we wait for the outcome of our experiment?” he suggested, “I have prepared a new base for the Wolfsbane potion on which I would like to have your opinion”.

She didn’t know if his suggestion was meant to cheer her up, but it had that effect anyway. She smiled, discretely wiped her tears away and followed him towards his mahogany desk, on which a small cauldron stood shimmering. 

They spent the next hour mixing and chopping the ingredients that would take the potion to its next stage.

 

“It looks good, Professor”. 

Billie drew her gaze away from the microscope and gave him a broad smile. “The hairs are still transformed”. 

He leaned over to have a look himself.

“So it seems… “ he confirmed, “There does not seem to be any change yet”.

He checked his watch. “And it is close to an hour and a half since we added the hairs to the potion”. 

His eyes found hers. “Congratulations. It looks like you have been successful”.

Billie positively beamed. Even if they had no idea how quickly the effect of the potion would be neutralised, they had taken an important step in the right direction today… thanks to her starch.

“What shall we do now, sir?”

“We should be able to register the exact time when the transformation stops”. 

“Shall we take it in turns to keep an eye on it?”

“This could easily take all night. I do not think that is advisable, Miss Matthews”. 

“I really don’t mind staying awake, sir,” she assured him, “I won’t be able to sleep anyway. I’m far too excited”. 

He shook his head. “You need to rest”. 

“But tomorrow is Saturday, sir. I could make sure I’m back before the others awake and have a lie-in until after breakfast”. It wouldn’t raise any suspicion. She had done it several times already… after a clandestine late night with Fred.

He cast her a curious glance. “Well, in that case… I shall wait with you,” he said. 

“There’s no need for that if you had other plans, sir,” she hastened to say, “If you allow me to get a book from my room, I can stay here and read a little while I keep an eye on the potion ”. 

“It’s close to ten now,” said Snape, “I prefer not to have you walk to your common room at this time of night”.

His gaze shifted towards the sitting room. “Do you think one of my books could interest you? I have quite a collection of classic novels”. 

“Yes, I think so”. 

“Any favourite authors?”.

“Scott, Victor Hugo, George Elliot…”

“Hm… the romantic ones” He didn’t disapprove of her taste. “Nothing magical?”

“Nick Horntail. But he hasn’t published any new books lately”.

“And what about the infamous Shirley Sheridan?” There was a bit of his old, familiar sneer in his voice now.

“I used to read her occasionally. But she’s not my favourite”. 

Shirley Sheridan was quite popular with the female students- especially the younger ones. Girls from Billie’s age, however, had mostly grown out of the soppy, boarding-school thrillers she wrote. 

“Very well. If you are quite sure you wish to stay, I suggest we move the microscope and the potion to the sitting room. We will be more comfortable there”. 

She helped him carry everything to the room next door. 

Snape pointed his wand at the hearth, in which the remnants of a few wooden blocks lay glowing. He sent a jet of oxygen at them after he had flown a few fresh ones in and a warm glow instantly spread over the room.

“The classic novels are on those two bookshelves over there. I am going to open a bottle of wine. Would you like to share?”. 

“I thought you weren’t allowed to serve any alcohol to students?”.“I am not. Nor am I allowed to have you here”.

A thin smile was playing on his lips. “However, I prefer to interpret these rules as <i>school</i> rules, valid within school hours, which Friday 10 pm is not. Furthermore, you have long come of age. I see no reason why an adult would not be allowed to pay me a visit for a chat and a glass of wine… which does not mean that you should spread the word about this or that I encourage you to start drinking”.

“Don’t worry, sir,” she smiled, “I do like an occasional glass of wine, and as far as I know I don’t have a drinking problem, so I will gladly share a glass with you”.

He had a nice collection of muggle novels in alphabetical order there, ranging from Austen, over Beckett, Camus, Dostoyevski and Poe to Waugh, Wilde and Woolf. 

Billie chose a collection of Edgar Allen Poe’s Tales. If she was to constantly keep an eye on a potion whilst reading, she had better stick to short stories.

“Do you feel comfortable performing the first checks on your own?” asked Snape who had come back into the room carrying two glasses of dark-red wine, one of which he handed to her. “I would like to finish an experiment with the wolfsbane potion first”.

“Yes, of course”.

“Please make yourself at home. The armchair is the most comfortable seat”. 

“How often should I check the hairs, sir?”

“A look at them every ten minutes will do, Miss Matthews. Or shall we say…” His eyes shifted to the cover of the book she was holding, “… every five pages?”

“If I’m not lost in the thrilling of the story, that is,” she laughed.

“I find them quite predictable, to be honest”. 

“Yes, I see what you mean”, admitted Billie,” Someone’s always bound to be walled up, or buried alive if I remember well. But short stories are about as far as my concentration will reach tonight, I’m afraid. I don’t think I will be able to lose myself in a complete novel now”.

“I will stay in the room and remind you, should you lose track of time,” he said, “As it is, we do not need a hundred percent exact time. Just an indication of how much longer your mixture lasts than the usual one”. 

And so Billie installed herself in the armchair next to the tripod table that carried the microscope, while he went to sit at his desk at the other side of the room. 

 

For a long while, the only sound that was heard in the room was the crackling of the fire, the turning of a page and the soft thuds of Snape’s mortar. Billie checked the hairs every ten to fifteen minutes but nothing changed. 

When she had done so for what was probably the tenth time, she took a sip from her glass – the wine was too heavy to drink more quickly than that – felt that she was getting a bit tired and stretched her stiff back. From out of the corner of his eye, Snape saw her move and looked up. 

“Any news?” he asked. 

Billie shook her head. “No. I have started to ask myself whether there is still some life in the hairs at all. They seem to be stuck in their present state”. 

Snape came out of his chair and walked over to the microscope. 

“I cannot see if they are stuck or not,” he said after a while, “But I see no reason why they should not transform again after a while”. He cast her a searching glance. “Are you tired?”

“No, not at all”. 

“Would you not prefer to retire?” he asked, “We can always repeat the test later”. 

She shook her head. “That would mean starting from scratch, sir. Unless <i>you</i> would prefer to call it a day”. 

“I still have some work to do”. 

“So you don’t mind my staying here?”

“Not in the least,” he said. 

Billie smiled, and since she felt her cheeks turn a light shade of pink, she stooped to pick up her book from the side table and sat herself in the arm chair again. Snape turned back to his desk. 

 

She hadn’t been completely truthful. She did feel a little tired already. As soon as she had picked up her book and started to read again, she felt it hard to concentrate.

After a while, she cast a look at the other side of the room where Snape seemed  completely absorbed in a piece of parchment. So she slipped out of her shoes and tucked her feet underneath her to make herself a little more comfortable. 

From over the rim of her book, she cast another glance at Snape to see if he had noticed her movements, but he was still reading his notes with one hand holding the roll of parchment and the other one playing with his half-empty wine glass. 

He did have beautiful hands. Billie had often observed them when they were working together. Hands were always the first thing she looked at when she met someone, just like other people paid attention to the colour of one’s eyes or the evenness of their teeth. And without its usual sneer playing on it, his face was not unattractive either, especially when it relaxed into an amused or friendly expression as it often did nowadays – in the confinement of his office or this room, that is. 

She continued her reading and occasionally checked the hairs, but her eyelids grew increasingly heavy in the silence of the room and with the warmth coming from the fireplace next to her. Her reading slowed down – stopped for a second as she blinked – stopped again as she blinked a little more. The more she blinked, the more difficult she found it to open her eyes again, until at one point, she decided it couldn’t hurt to keep them shut for a few seconds and so she dropped off altogether.

 

Snape brought his glass to his lips and when he realised it was empty, straightened and got to his feet. 

His eyes fell on the immobile figure near the fire and then he remembered that he hadn’t heard her move for some time yet. Very carefully, he put down his glass and glided over to where Billie lay sleeping.

Since she had probably not checked the hairs for some time, Snape sat down on the seat next to her, pulled the microscope towards him and peered inside. 

Nothing had changed.

He looked a little closer in detail. 

Something was moving however. There was a small change in the design – a changed pattern in the dark one. This could mean that the re-transformation had started. 

They had better keep a close eye on the hairs now.

He looked up.

Billie was still more or less in a sitting position, with her head resting against the seat’s side and her legs pulled up underneath her. If she was to stay like this for a longer time, she would end up with a painful back and sour limbs. 

He leaned over to her and very gently fished the book that had sunk into her lap from between her fingers and lay it on the table. 

She seemed to be in deep sleep. 

He supposed he should wake her up but he didn’t have the heart to do so. She looked so peaceful. 

He got to his feet, took out his wand and very carefully levitated her and lowered her into one of the couches. 

She shifted a little when her body touched its soft cushions and Snape held his breath when her head sank into the pillow that sat leaninig against the arm support, but she didn’t wake up. 

He looked down at her. 

She had swapped her school uniform for more elegant wizard’s clothes: a long-sleeved top that nicely followed the curve of her upper body, with matching, a little more loosely-fitting trousers, over which she was wearing a heavy dark-red robe. Nice, but not altogether warm. 

He walked over to the other side of the room, opened the door to his bedroom and took a blanket that was casually hanging over one of the longue-chaises. 

He carried it back to the sitting room and gingerly draped it over the whole length of her sleeping form. 

With her eyes closed, her eyelashes looked even longer and thicker than he had thought they were. Once again, it struck him what a beautiful young woman she was with her mysterious eyes, that dominated her regular features, the full lips and her absolutely amazing hair. Merlin, how her hair was unique… It was nearly completely hidden underneath the cover now, but he had admired it many times before : thick, but not bushy – curly, but not frizzy - blonde, but not in an ordinary way – and long long long… It had to weigh tonnes. 

In other circumstances… 

He decided not to go there and turned to the microscope again. The hairs were clearly changing now. The black one had turned a few shades lighter and the blonde one was turning dark again. 

Severus checked his watch. It was now a quarter to two, about five and a half hours since they had dropped the hairs into the potion. That was a considerable improvement – good enough to take it to the Headmaster.

Snape lifted his head from the microscope and rested his eyes on Billie again. She should have the honour of presenting this to Dumbledore herself. It was her achievement.

But now was not the time, of course, and watching her breathing so regularly made him sleepy as well. It had been a long day, and tomorrow he had to be fit for another visit to the Malfoy Manor, during which he wasn’t quite sure what would happen. The Dark Lord had never shown any signs of doubting Snape’s loyalty to him but then again… the Dark Lord wasn’t an open book. He could praise you and kill you with one and the same move.

So what should he do about Billie? He couldn’t retire to his room and leave her here. She wouldn’t know what to do when she awoke. On the other hand, she was a mature, intelligent young woman, so she would probably just get up, leave the room inconspicuously and have a good excuse at the ready in case she ran into a teacher. 

Or she might sleep through the rest of the night; be found out and accused of having spent the night in Snape’s room by whoever added two and two, which would definitely be the worst-case scenario for both.

He was still pondering on this when her eyelashes suddenly fluttered and her head and shoulder shifted a little. With slow movements but her eyes still closed, she started to stretch her stiff muscles underneath the cover. Then she opened her eyes and blankly stared into Snape’s black ones for a moment or two before she fully realised where she was and why. That was when she sat up.

“God! Have I fallen asleep?” she muttered, rubbing her tired eyes.

“Yes,” said Snape simply as he sat down on the couch opposite her.“I’m sorry,” she said, her voice still a little thick with sleep. “What time is it?”

“Close to two”. 

She looked down at the blanket that was still covering her. “Funny… I can’t remember how I got here. I didn’t have that much to drink, did I?”. 

“Were you wondering if you had been intoxicated? No, not at all, I think. You just fell asleep. And I am rather good at levitation, as it happens”. 

“Oh, I see…” she said. 

“Your potion has just started to wear off”, he said, sounding slightly amused. A few strands of hair had come loose from the clip in her neck and were now half covering her eyes. He quickly looked away. She looked too sweet to be good.

“Really?” She pulled away the blanket and threw her legs over the side of the couch, causing her bare feet to sink into the thick carpet as she got to her feet.

“If the transformation of the hairs is indeed representative for the real potion’s effect, “ said Snape as she was peering through the microscope, “you will have reached a major breakthrough. I am impressed”. 

“Thank you,” she smiled as she looked back at him, “but we don’t know that yet, do we? Not until we have tested it on a real person”.

“Who would you like to turn into, provided the Headmaster assents to such an experiment?”

 “I dunno… “ she said, “Emily perhaps? She’s my best friend. And she knows what we have been working on, so I suppose she won’t mind”. 

“And if she does?”

“If she does, it will have to be tested in secret”.

“Very well… Be that as it may, we first need instructions from Professor Dumbledore on how to proceed. And since the success of this project is entirely your accomplishment, I suggest we meet the Headmaster together,” he continued, “Are you willing to join me?”

“Yes, of course. If you think it is safe to do so”. 

“It never is these days, but I will see if the Headmaster can come here instead”. He got up. “Is the re-transformation complete now?”

“Yes”. 

“Good. Then I suggest we leave it at that”. 

Billie stood up too and handed him the blanket she had been folding. 

“Thank you for having me here, Professor,” she said somewhat to his surprise, “And for taking over when I fell asleep. I’m sorry I kept you away from your own work”. 

“But you did not, and you were most welcome. The pleasure was indeed mine,” said Snape and now, a full-grown smile was playing on his lips, “It does not often happen that a student’s experiment succeeds. Witnessing that on the rare occasion when it does happen can never be a punishment”. 

Billie returned his smile and to cover her discomfort at his praise a little, she shifted her gaze towards his desk. 

“How are you proceeding with the Wolfsbane Potion, sir?”

“Hm… regrettably, my theory does not seem to work”. 

“What theory?”

“I have been working on a simplified process for some time but I do not think such a thing will be possible,” he lifted one corner of his mouth in self-mockery, “Potions have a will of their own. It is extremely difficult to change the recipes, except if you are exceptionally gifted, blessed with a creative brain and the right strike of genius at the right time, not unlike yourself, but with an enormous amount of luck added to it”. 

“I doubt I should be as gifted as you, sir,” muttered Billie, slightly blushing, “When it comes to simplifying the Wolfsbane potion, I wouldn’t even know where to start”.

“I could give you some background information that would launch you in the blink of an eye. However, it is far too late for that.” said Snape, “I had better walk you back to your House now”.

Billie checked her watch. “Shall I go alone?” she suggested, “I don’t think I will run into many people at this hour”.

“I would not bet on that, Miss Matthews “

“It would raise suspicion if we were now seen together, Professor. A detention never lasts until after two a.m.”. 

“No, that is correct, “ he admitted, “In that case, I think you had better go alone, as you suggest. I do not expect you to meet anyone now that the High Inquisitor has left the building, but do be careful anyway. And do not spread the word about your success tonight.”.

“I won’t. Goodnight, sir”.

 “Goodnight, Billie”. 

The use of her first name still made her insides jump. She turned away from him for fear his all-seeing eyes would notice the effect this had on her, and legged it for the door, but she was stopped by his voice before she could slip away. 

“I will inform you as soon as the Headmaster has appointed a date for us to visit him”. 

“Thanks”, she smiled. 

She left the room, slipped down the stairs, through his office and classroom to the corridor, where all was quiet. 

Very careful not to make any sound, she hurried through the darkness and didn’t stop until she had reached the secret passage. Then she let a sigh of relief, took a few moments to catch her breath and finished the last of her route without the slightest problem. 

When she pulled her blankets over her head, it took her just a few seconds to fall into a deep sleep.


	8. Part I Chapter 8

8

 

She awoke just a few hours later, when the other girls in the dormitory got up and started to scramble through the room, rummaging in their trunks and wardrobes in search of proper clothes for the Quidditch game. 

Billie checked the little clock on her bedside table – barely six hours had passed since she had left Snape’s office but she wasn’t in the least tired anymore. The success of the evening before seemed to have giving her extra energy. 

She was dying to tell Emily about it but that was impossible in the presence of their roommates and the atmosphere at the breakfast table was so lively that it didn’t even cross her mind to try it there. Finally, it wasn’t until the deadly-boring match had come to an end – with a comfortable victory of the Ravenclaw team – and with the other students filing out of the stands that Billie saw a chance to corner Emily. 

“It worked!” she said 

“What? The potion?” asked Emily, “Really?”

“Yes! It lasted for more than five hours!”

“Wow!” Emily looked impressed, “Jeez… you’ll have top marks!”

“Only for potions, though…” grinned Billie, “If Dumbledore approves, we’re going to test it for real soon”. 

“What do you mean ‘for real’? Are you going to drink it yourself?”

“There’s no one else who can do it, is there?”

“What about Snape? Why doesn’t he do it? It wouldn’t be a big loss if he poisoned himself with it”. 

“Em!”

“No, honestly!”

“And who should Snape turn into? Me?”

Both girls burst out laughing.  

“What’s the joke, Billiewiggles?” asked Fred, who came running at them from behind, “Ravenclaw leading the competition?”

“No,” Billie hiccupped, “It’s nothing”. 

“<i>Nothing</i> like in : ‘<i>Mind your own business</i>?’” He threw an arm around her, “That’s not very nice!”

“Hei!,” said Billie as she poked him in the side, “I haven’t said that! We were just imagining Snape in my clothes”. 

“Yek! What on earth for?” He looked genuinely shocked.

“In fact,” said Billie, glancing around to check if anybody else was listening in, but apart from George, no one had joined them, “We were wondering if he should take my body with the Polyjuice Potion”. 

Fred instantly stopped in his tracks. 

“Are you mental? Let Snape possess your body? Never!” 

He looked quite angry. “You won’t let him, will you? Jeez… <i>Snape</i>…” He couldn’t even finish the thought. 

“Don’t worry,” laughed Billie, “We weren’t serious. Of course he wouldn’t do that! I don’t think it’s even allowed to have a teacher take a student’s body”. 

“Especially from the opposite sex,” agreed Emily, “Far too intimate, if you ask me”. 

“Exactly,” said Billie. 

“What a relief!” said Fred who had resumed his walking again, “Well, after the shock you’ve given me, another visit to the Room of Requirement is in place, methinks”. 

“Tonight?”

“Yep. Unless you need it?” The latter was addressed at Emily. 

“No, Roger and I fell out,” the girl replied in a tone that she might as well have used to comment on the nice weather, “You can have it if you like”. 

“Good!” said Fred looking quite pleased, “I’ll make sure the git’s name won’t pop up into our conversations anymore!”

“That’s hardly for you to make sure, is it?” said Billie sarcastically.

“Believe me. After tonight you will only have eyes for me,” said Fred and with a rather smug grin on his face, and a last kiss on her lips, he and George walked away. 

 

“Is it true?” asked Billie after the boys had left, “about Roger?”

Emily nodded. 

“What happened?”

She shrugged. “Not much. That’s the whole point. It’s always Quidditch, isn’t it. Everything is focused on Quidditch: matches, training, individual training, games… even most topics of conversation. In the end, we couldn’t even meet without one of his team mates joining us. I’m fed up with it, really. So I’ve told him that”. 

“Oh, bet he didn’t like that”.  Roger Davis was generally known as a very devoted, if not obsessed, Quidditch fan and player. 

“No, not at all,” Emily sighed, “But what’s the point pretending nothing’s wrong? I think he’s just not ready for a serious relationship”. 

She looked sideways at Billie. “You have to be careful with Fred, you know. You’re not spending a lot of time together either, are you”. 

Billie sighed. “I know”. 

The funny thing was… it didn’t really bother her that she spent so little time with Fred. Of course it didn’t bother her when she <i>was </i>spending time with him, but she didn’t exactly feel lost when they happened not to see each other all week.  Was she to draw conclusions from that, she had often wondered. But she always concluded that she couldn’t do that. He was such fun. She was still terribly fond of him. And his parents were so terribly warm and welcoming. 

No, after the Polyjuice Potion was finished, and that was going to be very soon, she would focus all her attention on Fred again. 

 

As Snape was to bring up the matter of her successful experiment up to Dumbledore, but gave no sign of having done so in the next days, there was nothing else for Billie to do when it came to the potion than to wait until the Headmaster gave his green light for proper testing. 

And although she was eager to see if her experiment really worked, the break in her visits to Snape’s office gave her some very welcome extra time she could spend on other subjects. With the Christmas holidays long forgotten, the workload was seriously increasing. It was as if every teacher, except for Umbridge of course, tried to pump as much information into the seventh years as possible before the students graduated and swarmed out into the increasingly darkening wizarding world. 

Billie and her classmates were so busy doing research and writing essays that they hardly had time for anything else. However, no matter how busy they were, there were two things they never failed to do every day: reading the Daily Prophet and Luna’s smuggled-in Quibbler, and discussing the present situation, for things were rapidly going from bad to worse at Hogwarts and outside. 

 

One day, a little less than two weeks after they had tested the potion on the hairs, Billie was sitting in the library, scribbling down a few data on the origin and various types of the Patronus Charm, which she had found in a very old, thin book called <i>Defensum</i> <i>Patrocinium,</i> when a shadow fell over her roll of parchment. 

She looked up to find Snape looking down on her.

“Goodday to you, Miss Matthews”. 

“Goodmorning, sir”. 

“You may have been wondering why you have not been informed about the Headmaster’s decision yet?”

“I have a bit, yes”, she admitted.

“Professor Dumbledore has frequently been absent of late. As it is, I may not have the chance to discuss the matter with him very soon”. 

She nodded. “That’s alright, sir. I’m quite busy anyway”.

“How far have you come with your essay?”

“Do you mean my NEWTS essay?” She put down her quill to give him her full attention, “Not very far I’m afraid. I have kept my notes, of course, but they’re not transferred into a well-structured text yet”. 

“I see. Be careful not to run out of time. Your essay is the only thing that will be marked. That, and your presentation of it to the jury”. 

“I am aware of that, sir”. 

He cast a look around before his black eyes settled back on her again. “Notwithstanding the time issue, I would advise you not to write too much for the time being”. 

She frowned.

“What I mean by this, Miss Matthews, is that, perhaps, you should not include the introduction of the millet starch yet”. 

“Oh,” she uttered, a little taken aback.

“Not until Professor Dumbledore has commented on your work, that is,” he explained. He cast another look at the students around them but none of them was watching them. They all seemed absorbed in the thick books they kept their noses in. Billie assumed Snape had cast the Muffliato spell again. 

“However, should you have the time to perform a few more tests, your work would become more valuable even,” continued Snape. 

“Do you mean that I should test it on other things, sir?”

He shook his head. “No, what I mean is that you have not precisely defined what the best proportion is for the starch in the potion. We know that, with the amount you have added last Friday, the potion lasts approximately four hours longer than the usual potion. It would be interesting to see if this time could be prolonged still… let us assume up to eight hours. I would not attempt to make it stronger”. 

Billie nodded. 

“Given the present circumstances,” said Snape, “I suggest you do this testing on your own, this time. As soon as you have finished your work, you can arrange for you to meet me and discuss your results”. 

“I see…,” said Billie, “How much time do I have for this, sir?”

“The work you have done so far is a good enough base for your NEWT essay to help you graduate with good marks. Let us say that the work you will do after today will help us even better to achieve the objectives we intended to achieve with the improved potion”. 

“You mean that I should not include these findings in my essay?”

“Probably not, but we will discuss this matter further in the course of the next weeks”. 

Billie nodded, but Snape’s trained eyes immediately detected the reservation in hers. 

“You do not think this is a good idea, Miss Matthews?” he asked with one eyebrow raised. 

“Erm… “ she looked away from him. 

If what he was saying about her marks was true, she couldn’t really have an objection to his proposal. 

Only… she wasn’t so sure she trusted this anymore. She only had his word for it that Dumbledore knew about her work and that it was all done on his initiative. Could it be that in those… what was it, ten? … days, Snape had never had a chance to talk to Dumbledore about such a small thing as whether it was OK for her to test the Polyjuice Potion on herself or not? It seemed very unlikely… 

Unless Snape had never intended to discuss this with the Headmaster in the first place.

For once, however, Snape interpreted her hesitation wrongly. “I perfectly understand that not mentioning a certain outcome of your work in your NEWTS essay may not be in line with your personal ambitions, Miss Matthews”. 

So he thought she was just disappointed because she feared she would miss out on top marks. Well,… if his plans were indeed less noble than he claimed they were, it was perhaps safer if she just behaved as if she was only worried about not being sufficiently rewarded for her work. It couldn’t hurt to play the naïve part for once. 

She therefore nodded, and carefully avoided all eye contact by picking up her quill again.

Snape slightly lifted his eyebrows but did not comment. Instead he said, “I would advise you to first write as much as you can on all the work you have done until the introduction of the starch, so that your essay only needs a conclusion or, in the worst case, a description of our latest experiment for it to be ready to be presented”. 

His eyes curiously ran over her impassive face before he nodded some kind of greeting and then he sweeped away, leaving Billie more puzzled and suspicious even than she had been before.

 

Several weeks passed during which she barely had the time to start writing, let alone work further on the potion. Snape, however, didn’t seem to be bothered. He barely looked into her direction during class, even though she was still following a different programme from her classmates, and on the few occasions when she addressed him or when he was inspecting the content of her cauldron, he never asked anything or said anything on the subject of her NEWTS.

And then, one day, Umbridge and her Inquisitorial Squad broke into the DA, which Billie had been attending for a couple of weeks now. As a result of this brutal invasion, the valuable things she had barely started to learn under Harry’s skilfull teaching were instantly stopped, and with that, the illusion that she might be able to defend herself against Dark wizards after she had graduated. 

More or less together with it, another illusion was melting away like an ice cake on a potbellied stove: her hope that one day, Dumbledore would contact her to discuss the Polyjuice Potion with her and with it deliver proof that Snape’s intentions with the project had been completely noble.

 

Dumbledore’s sudden disappearance from Hogwarts, immediately after Umbridge’s raid on the Room of Requirements, had of course everything to do with that. Now that Umbridge’s terror reigned over the school in full force, it felt as if all hope had disappeared from Hogwarts, both for the students and the staff. McGonnagle’s face had never looked sourer before; Sprout seemed so absent-minded that she constantly mixed up classes- ordering the seventh years to pot flitterblooms, for example, which was basic first-year stuff; and Flitwick and the other Umbridge-unfriendly members of staff had abandoned all discussions about topics outside of their curriculum in their classes.

 

The students found a lot of comfort in sharing the same enemy, and yet, Billie couldn’t help feeling lonely at times, especially on the rare occasions when she wasn’t preoccupied with her essays and other homework. Emily buried herself in books in an effort to forget her broken heart. And with Dumbledore gone, Fred and George had become obsessed with their plans to bring the Umbridge woman down from her throne, in the, for her, most embarrassing and painful way possible. Those plans were of course very hush hush and Billie supported them completely, but she felt a stab of jealousy every time she noticed how Lee and other Gryffindors were easily let into the twin’s confidence, when she was never made part of their plans. On the few occasions she had pointed this out to Fred, he had merely laughed her objections away, and with all the workload and worries she had, she didn’t really have the energy and courage to further discuss it anymore. 

 

But that, together with her worries about Emily’s well-being and her rapidly cooling-down relationship with Fred, was not Billie’s biggest concern. What she was most depressed about was that Snape behaved as if there had never been anything like an improved Polyjuice Potion and a collaboration with Billie before. It hurt her, even if it was clear from the look on his face that he was not in the best of moods himself.

 

One day, she sat in a nearly deserted Ravenclaw common room, mixing the base for an Unquous Unction. Emily was having a hopefully good talk with Roger somewhere outside – it was a beautiful spring day – and the rest of her year were either stuck in classes, if they had chosen other subjects than Emily and Billie, or they were sitting in the library or anywhere else well out of reach of the Inquisitional Toad and her Squids, as Fred called them.

Billie was turning up the heat underneath the cauldron when her eyes fell on a small puddle of potion on the table.

She frowned. 

The ingredients hadn’t been liquid when she had added them to the cauldron – the Diricawl eggyolk which turned the mixture fluid, only melted at forty degrees.

She stooped to have a better look at the puddle and then saw drops of potion trickle through the cauldron’s belly. There had to be a hole in it. 

She sighed irritably. She should have replaced her cauldron ages ago. It had already been rather worn when she started her seventh year again in September, and all the extra brewing she had done lately had of course ruined it completely. 

The trouble was that she could not interrupt the brewing process at this stage, or all her work would become useless, and she definitely had no spare time left to start it all over again. 

She wondered if she could borrow someone else’s cauldron but she immediately dismissed that idea; most students only had one and the ones who had more than one were seventh years who couldn’t possibly spare one. Billie had three, but two of them contained a finished and a half-finished Polyjuice Potion.

Well, the only thing she could do was to go down to the dungeons and ask Snape if she could use one from the students’ stock. The idea of meeting Snape in private made her a little nervous, but she had no other choice, and furthermore, there was a tiny shred of hope that he had met Dumbledore and would tell her to go ahead with her essay and experiments. 

She lowered the fire underneath the cauldron a little, sent a poorly performed sealing spell at the spot where the cauldron was leaking and hurried down the stairs, through the shortcuts, hoping she would be back before the potion was ruined altogether.

 

She had just arrived at the top of the last flight of stairs when her eyes caught sight of black robes that were just sweeping over the very last step before they disappeared behind the corner. 

Billie didn’t think it was appropriate to call after him, so she quickly went in pursuit, but just as she was going to take the last two steps and his office came in sight, she froze with one foot still in mid-air. 

Through the open door of his office came the sounds of a sort of argument. She received a severe shock when she realised Snape was actually shouting. 

It sounded as if he was throwing a poor student out of his office.She didn’t dare to come nearer. In fact, she found her presence quite embarrassing to whoever was being scolded, so she pushed herself against the wall, in a stupid effort to look inconspicuous of some sort, nervous about what was going to happen next. 

A boy came hurrying through the door but before she could marvel at Harry Potter’s presence there, she received another tremendous shock when the loud sound of shattering glass caught her ears. 

The frightening thing, however, was not the sudden sound of the breaking jar. 

The frightening thing was the realisation that Snape, the very definition of undercooled restraint, seemed to be beside himself with fury in a way that had not only made him shout, a thing Billie had never heard him do before, but had also caused him to throw a jar at a student’s head. 

What on earth had happened in there? 

Harry seemed quite shaken when he shot past her. She didn’t even think he had seen her. 

 

As the usual silence came back to the corridor, she shot an uncertain glance at the open door and the thousands of glittering fragments on the stone floor around it. The jar had contained living things apparently, because the glittering fragments were now wriggling on the floor like worms or ants or something. 

Whatever had happened, this was definitely not a good moment to pay a visit to Snape. And the last thing she wanted now was to be seen by him, so it was high time she left. 

Fortunately, he wasn’t facing the corridor. For as far as Billie could see, he had his back turned towards her. It looked as if he was leaning his hands on the table, from which a strange, silverish light was shining. His whole body, with the slightly hunched back and the high shoulders, expressed despair now – or grief – or anything else that he probably did not want to share with her. 

So she turned on her heels and careful not to make any sound, followed Harry up the stairs to the ground floor from where she could escape to the stairs and corridors that would lead her back to Ravenclaw Tower. 

 

What had Harry done that had caused such distress with Snape, she wondered? The Potions Master had displayed a fury that could not have been caused simply by a student sneaking into his office, unless Harry had seen something, or done something that Snape didn’t want him to see or do. Something about Snape’s double life perhaps? 

What had Harry been doing in Snape’s office in the first place? It was close to curfew already. Had he been serving detention? But then, why had Snape left him alone at first? 

She couldn’t find a single plausible answer to any of these questions and decided to let the matter rest. After all, what did it matter to her what Harry was up to and why Snape threw jars at him? She decided to ask Snape for a spare cauldron in his next class on Friday and hoped her own patched-up one would hold till then.

 

“Miss Matthews?”

Billie, who had just shouldered her schoolbag and was ready to leave the glasshouse, looked round at Professor Sprout. 

“I don’t believe I have received your essay on the breeding of mandrakes”.

“Oh!” said Billie. 

She put down her bag and shuffled towards the Herbology teacher. “I erm… I haven’t forgotten, Professor”. 

“You should have handed it in yesterday”. 

“I know. I’m sorry I’m late. But I haven’t been able to finish it yet”. 

“Snape still pushing you with his special potions, is he?”

For a split second, Billie thought Professor Sprout knew about the Polyjuice Potion, but then she realised that the Herbology teacher was referring to the individual programme she was following in his lessons.  

“Erm… not really,” she hastened to say, “I mean, yes I am still brewing potions on my own, but I don’t think Professor Snape is to blame. It’s just been very busy for us”. 

“The thing is, Miss Matthews, Professor Umbridge is scrutinising our class preparations, the homework we order our students to make and the exams we give them, as if it were bacteria under a microscope! If she notices that essays are missing, for example, she might call me negligent and use it as a reason to push me aside and replace me”. 

“Seriously?” asked Billie. “But that’s terrible!”

“Yes well… least said soonest mended. Anyway, would you mind handing it in as soon as you can?”.

“Yes, of course. I’ll try to have it finished tonight,” promised Billie. 

“Can you put it in my tray then?”

“Your tray?” 

“The one in the staff room”. 

“Oh,” said Billie, “Will you be there tonight?”

“No, I won’t,” said Professor Sprout, “and more importantly, Umbridge won’t be there either. I’m meeting her in glasshouse three tonight at eight”. 

“In that case, I’d better make sure I have it finished by eight”. 

“Yes, please. If you don’t mind”. 

“OK,” said Billie, “I’ll go straight to the library then”. 

“Thanks”.

“Professor?” asked Billie when she had reached the door, “I’m struggling with the mandrake cuttings. Would you happen to know which book I can consult to find some more information on them?”

“Yes, try the Ex Floribus, the eighteen thirty-one edition”. 

“OK, thank you, Professor”. 

 

She was infinitely grateful to Professor Sprout for providing her with that tip. In less than an hour, she had managed to add twenty inches of parchment to her essay and write a conclusion that, in her opinion, really made sense. 

With a mixture of satisfaction and relief she packed her books and headed for the staff room. 

 

She knocked, but all was quiet. 

Very carefully she opened the door and entered. 

She had been here before a couple of times but she hadn’t come further than the door and the teachers’ trays on those occasions. It was a magnificent room, though; dominated by a huge mahogany table in the middle that was lined with several tens of arm chairs. The decoration was relatively sober, with plain, dark-red velvet curtains at the four windows and a single carpet at the fireplace, on which a couple of comfortable leather seats sat shining in the light of the flames. As opposed to the previous times she had visited it, the room was completely empty and covered in a deep silence now. She saw a couple of parchment rolls and handbooks on the table and a black robe over the back of a chair near the fireplace, but that was all that was left of the teachers’ possessions. 

She cast a glance at the bulletin board. It was packed with exam schedules, copies of all sorts of Ministerial decrees and memos, all issued by Professor Umbridge of course. One of the memos said that teachers were responsible for their students’ behaviour at all times and would be subject to an enquiry if they showed a lack of discipline in their classes and houses. Another one urged them to report all their out-of-hours activities to the High Inquisitor. And for all visits and activities they planned outside of Hogwarts, the High Inquisitor had to receive a detailed description of the purpose, the location and the time of the activity and grant permission. Non-reported or unpermitted actions would be considered as “subversive” and be the subject of a Ministerial hearing.

Billie wondered how the teachers felt about those restrictions and if they discussed these silly rules amongst each other. Would they abide by them in silence? Or show rebellion simply by ignoring them? She couldn’t picture Professor McGonnagle or Snape standing at Umbridge’s desk holding a form to request permission for a visit to the Three Broomsticks. It seemed preposterous.

And then she started heavily as the door burst open and none other than Snape came sweeping in. 

 

As soon as he had spotted her, he very carefully closed the door behind him and came to stand in front of her.

It was difficult to precisely define the expression on his face, but whatever it was, it was definitely unpleasant…

“Miss Matthews…?” he said softly, “Now what could be the reason for your presence here when you perfectly know that this room is out of bounds to students?”

She swallowed hard, painfully aware of the sealing charm he had cast upon the closed door. Not that she expected him to attack her or anything, but being locked up with him when he was clearly angry was not the most reassuring situation she could think of. 

“I… I came in to put my essay in Professor Sprout’s tray” she said.

Snape was a master at sceptically raising one eyebrow and at the same time killing his victim with the look he gave them.

“Really…” he said softly, “You may be surprised to hear that I find this hard to believe. Perhaps you would allow me a glance at that essay?”

With trembling fingers she rummaged in her school bag and handed him a roll of parchment. 

“Is this your essay?” The black eyes shifted back to meet hers after he had briefly scanned its content. 

She nodded. 

“Herbology still not your favourite subject, Miss Matthews?” he asked rather sarcastically as he handed it back to her.

“There wasn’t much time to study mandrakes more in detail, sir,” said Billie, a little piqued.

“Does that mean that your NEWTS essay has absorbed all your attention?”

“No, not really,” she sighed, “My essay is not progressing as I wished it would”.

“Why is that?” The mild sarcasm he had displayed before was now being replaced by a hint of concern.

“I don’t know…” she hesitated, “It’s difficult to describe what we have been doing when I’m not allowed to tell the whole story… In fact, I don’t even know exactly what I can or cannot say”. 

“Did I not tell you to stop at the point where you started to think about mixing starches in the potion?”

“But that doesn’t make sense, sir. It makes my work look ridiculously pointless if I stop there and furthermore, what guarantees do we have that the steps I describe before the introduction of the starch will not lead the reader to that solution himself?”

Snape couldn’t immediately think of a suitable reply, especially when his all-seeing eyes detected the reservationhe had seen in hers before.

“It may not even be a good idea to merely bring the subject up, these days,” Billie continued. 

He lowered himself on the edge of the long table behind him and sat pondering on this for a few moments. She was right. And with his and her specialised background, he wasn’t sure they were the best persons to judge when it would be safe to break off the essay. The members of the NEWTS jury were no fools. They might draw conclusions which he hadn’t thought them capable of.

He should have been able to discuss this with Dumbledore. After all, it had been the Headmaster’s idea to work on that potion in the first place. He was the only person who could or should decide what to do next. 

Snape had to pay him a visit – there was no other option. And whilst he was with Dumbledore, they might as well test it – it was always good to have Dumbledore around when you had no idea how an experiment would end. 

But that meant that he would have to take Billie with him.

He carefully studied her. Could he do that? 

They would be running high risks and if they were seen together he would be in serious trouble. On the other hand, tonight might be the best night to escape from the castle. A storm was building up outside which would only increase in power during the night, and that could give them a perfect cover.

He pondered a little more on this but couldn’t see many flaws in the plan, and straightened. 

“Meet me in two hours at the foot of Ravenclaw tower, Miss Matthews. On the outside of the backdoor, I mean”, he said so softly and so unexpectedly that she wondered if she had heard him correctly.

 “And bring your notes with you,” he added.

“But… <i>why</i>?” Billie stammered.

“That is of no importance at present. Could you leave the tower and wait for me there without being seen?”

“Yes… yes I suppose I could,” said Billie unconvincingly.

Was that fear he detected in her eyes? 

He held her gaze for a moment, but she kept looking away so he wasn’t sure he had seen it correctly. 

What should she be afraid of? She surely didn’t think…?

“I cannot tell you anything more that would ease your mind, Miss Matthews”, he said, “So I will have to ask you to trust me,” .

“I find that difficult, sir,” she said hesitatingly.

“Why is that?”

It took a long while before she replied because she had no idea how to formulate her suspicions without getting him in a foul mood. She was still painfully aware of the sealed door.

But there was something in the dark eyes that gave her a little more confidence. He was definitely not in a foul mood now, on the contrary. He looked genuinly interested. Concerned even.

“Erm… the thing is…” she began, “I’m… I’m not sure what your intention is with that potion, sir. It could be that, … you know…, that you were not working on it for Professor Dumbledore”.

The black eyes, that were still resting on her, grew a little bit wider, but apart from that there was absolutely nothing that showed he was angry, or shocked, or offended. 

There was only a painful silence that lasted a couple of horrible seconds until the softly spoken words sounded next.

“The Dark Lord does not need a Polyjuice Potion to rise to power, Billie”.

The girl visibly started, but at the same time, his blunt remark and the use of her first name again removed the last bit of her suspicion. She realised that she would probably regret this; that she was definitely hopelessly naïve but she preferred not to think too much about it anymore, and so she nodded.

“Ten p.m. then, sir?” she asked in a little voice.

“Yes, ten p.m. And bring a good cloak with you,” he said as he stepped back, “I believe it is going to rain tonight”.


	9. Part I Chapter 9

9

 

And that was an understatement. 

As Billie stood waiting for him at the backdoor a couple of hours later, she had to keep her hooded face down and her back turned against the wind to prevent the pouring rain from drenching her in seconds. Her long cloak kept her warm and dry, for the time being, but the rain that came streaming off it formed puddles at her feet and very soon, the water started to trickle through her boots. She barely managed to look up when the backdoor opened and another cloaked figure stepped outside to be hit by the full force of the elements.

“Excellent weather for our trip, Miss Matthews,” came Snape’s silk voice, “At least, we will hardly run the risk of being seen by whoever deems it necessary to take a stroll at this late hour”. 

Despite her discomfort, Billie couldn’t help smiling. 

“Follow me,” he muttered. 

He took her along the shadows of the castle’s walls to the edge of the Forbidden Forest. 

Where the first trees nearly bordered on a protruding wall, he waited a couple of seconds; listened intently, but over the roaring of the storm and the pouring rain it was difficult to hear anything alarming and so he grabbed her arm and pulled her out of the shadows straight into the Forest, where they were immediately wrapped into an intense darkness. 

Snape cast a look up, but even if there had been a window in this part of the castle and someone had been standing behind it, Billie was sure they wouldn’t have been able to see anything. There was no moon and it was raining so heavily that even in broad daylight, she doubted they would have been very visible in their dark cloaks. 

“Stay close to me,” Snape whispered after a while. 

Billie didn’t need much convincing. The last thing she wanted to do was to get lost here and since it was impossible for her to see Snape’s figure in this impenatrable darkness, she stretched her hand and clawed her fingers in the wet fabric of his cloak. 

She was glad she had done so, for Snape moved through the Forest with a  speed that was stunning in this blackness. At first, when the trees were still standing at quite some distance from each other, she found it not too difficult to keep up with him, but as the Forest grew denser and it became impossible to walk alongside of him, it became quite hard not to lose each other. 

Again, she wondered what sort of eyes he had. It seemed unbelievable that he managed to get them through this pitch-dark wilderness without having them break their legs over roots and fallen trees, or painfully collide with a trunk or a set of rocks they slipped past.

Then she suddenly felt his ice-cold fingers close around hers and at a much slower speed now, he steered her through the brambles and the tree trunks; through puddles of rain and muddy patches; deeper and deeper into the Forest. 

 

After what was probably just an hour, but felt like many more, they came at a clearing. Not that the darkness was less dense here, but Billie recognised it as such because there was suddenly room enough for them to comfortably stand side by side. 

“Take my arm, Billie,” said Snape. 

Billie removed her fingers from his and rested her hand on what she thought was his arm, wondering why he asked her to do so. 

“Firmer,” he said, “We are about to disapparate”. 

“Oh,” she said. 

She wasn’t a great fan of apparition and least of all side-apparition. The only time she had tried it she had thought she was going to suffocate and when they had finally landed, her head had painfully collided with Fred’s, leaving her with a very unelegant bruise that had coloured her brow for the bigger part of a week.

She slipped her arm underneath Snape’s and pushed herself close to him, bracing herself for what was to come. 

The next moment, she had the feeling they were being forced through a very tight bottleneck together but it was over before she had had the chance to panic. 

As soon as she was able to gasp for air again, she released her grip on his arm somewhat and opened her eyes. 

 

They were standing in a deserted street of what seemed like a picturesque English village.

On both sides stood small Elizabethan houses leaning against each other with their crooked timberwork and uneven walls illuminated by gas lights.

“Where are we?” she whispered. 

“I cannot tell you that,” said Snape, “Come. We must not stay here. Keep your hood on”. 

She took her arm away from his and followed him through the narrow streets of the village until they came at a place where a low, rusted gate was sadly hanging from its hinges. Behind it lay a small, overgrown front garden that led to a house that was nearly completely covered in shadows.

The gate creaked as Snape’s wand forced it open to let them in. Then, with a quick glance around to make sure the coast was clear, he stretched his hand and softly knocked on the wooden door. 

Billie wasn’t nervous or anything. Even if she still had no idea what Snape was up to and who they were expecting to meet, she felt strangely confident in his presence. 

Still, she felt quite relieved when the door opened to reveal the long silver beard of Hogwart’s Headmaster... or rather Hogwarts <i>previous</i> Headmaster.

“Ah Severus,” Dumbledore smiled, and immediately stepped aside, “Please do come in. We should not remain in the open for too long, I think”. 

“Goodnight, Headmaster,” said Snape, gently pushing Billie ahead of him into a narrow hallway, “You know Miss Matthews, of course”. 

“Of course,” smiled Dumbledore, “How wonderful to see you, Miss Matthews. Please hand me your coat. It looks a bit wet, I must say”.

“Thank you, Professor,” said Billie, grateful to be able to take off the drenched thing and marvelling at the Headmaster’s gallant gesture. She smiled when a line of steam came floating out of the cloak’s folds after Dumbledore had tapped it with his wand, apparently to cast a drying spell on it.

“Thank you, Dumbledore, I can take care of that myself,” said Snape dryly when the elder man motioned for him to take off his cloak too. 

“Sit down, sit down,” said Dumbledore as they entered a tiny room that was only lit by a single candle and the light that came from the glowing embers in the fireplace. 

The place smelled musty and badly aired, a bit like the old flat Billie’s grandmother used to live in in France, in the last years before she died, and it looked a bit like it too: two worn seats covered in hand-knit plaids; a handful of old chairs around a rickety table; a colourless cabinet in the corner and dust everywhere.

“You must excuse our host,” said Dumbledore, “She has retired already”.

“Naturally,” commented Snape, “It is well past midnight”. 

Was it? Billie cast a look at her watch but its digits were not visible anymore due to the condensed rain water that was covering its glass from the inside.

She wondered who their host was. Judging from the way the room was furbished and the yellowish pictures in the many frames on the walls, she supposed it had to be an elderly lady.

“It is indeed rather late, Severus,” said Dumbledore, as he pulled an old armchair closer to the fire and sat down on it, motioning for them to do the same, “But as it is, Bathilda has only just retired. She is remarkably strong for her age”. 

Bathilda… Billie did not recall having heard the name before and yet it didn’t sound completely unfamiliar either.

“Really?” said Snape, “Rumour has it she is rapidly declining”. 

“She is not as healthy as she used to be,” admitted the older man, “But still surprisingly sharp at times. Anyway, I do not suppose you have come through this dreadful weather at this late hour to discuss our friend’s health. May I offer you a glass of mead, to send the chill out of your bones, so to speak?”

“No, thank you, Dumbledore,” said Snape with a meaningful glance at the glasses in the cabinet opposite them. 

From where she was sitting, Billie couldn’t tell what state they were in, but judging from the foul look Snape was sending them, she had a suspicion they would not be too clean.

“Miss Matthews?” asked the Headmaster.

“No, thank you, Professor,” said Billie. She could have done with a drink to warm her up but she preferred to trust Snape’s judgment, so she moved a little closer to the fire instead. 

“Well, “ said Dumbledore in a pleasant tone, as if he was going to embark on a long story to fill a dark and cold winter night. “Professor Snape has told me that you have made quite some progress in the improvement of the Polyjuice Potion, Miss Matthews. Is that correct?”

“Yes, Professor,” admitted Billie, “At least, that’s what we think. We only have the results of the hair test so far”. 

“The hair test?” 

“Miss Matthews developed the idea of testing the Polyjuice potion on hair,” explained Snape, “which, I must admit, has proven to be quite a reliable test”.

“Excellent,” smiled Dumbledore, “And now you are eager to test it for real?”.

Billie nodded.

“How much longer does the transformation last?”

“About five hours, I believe”, she said with a glance at Snape, who nodded in agreement. 

“That is indeed impressive,” said Dumbledore approvingly. “And to achieve this, you added a combination of starches and swamphay, am I correct?”

“Yes, Professor. And medusa puss too”. 

“I see…” The blue eyes shifted away from hers to meet Snape’s gaze. “I do not think swamphay and millet starch should become dangerous when added to a potion, Severus”.

“Nor do I,” said Snape, “But the Polyjuice Potion is not an ordinary type. And there is still the medusa puss to be taken into account. It may look like water, but I doubt its characteristics should be so harmless as we think. And one can never tell how the different ingredients will interact with each other and affect the human body”.

“What means of protection have you brought with you?”

“None. Because they do not exist”. 

“Ah,” said Dumbledore.

“However, I did bring a few antidotes with me,” continued Snape, “Not that anything can be used to stop the effect of a  Polyjuice Potion, but at least we may prevent poisoning or any other undesired effect from happening”. 

Both men looked at Billie now, who sat listening to their conversation with an increasing sense of excitement. Were they actually considering testing the potion tonight? On her? 

“I am not sure we should run a risk with Miss Matthews, Dumbledore,” said Snape as if he had been reading her mind again, “We have always agreed to never test a potion on a student- least of all a valuable one”. 

“All students are valuable, Severus”.

“I am not sure I fully agree,” said Snape with an unpleasantly curling lip, “Still, in this particular case, I prefer not to take any risks”. 

The way he said it sounded neutral enough, and yet, something in his words caused a pleasant feeling in the pit of Billie’s stomach. She tried to decipher the expression on his face, but his features were nearly completely hidden in shadows.

“Then what would be your suggestion?” Dumbledore asked him. 

“To test it on us”. 

The blue eyes slightly widened at this suggestion. Dumbledore leaned back in his chair, crossed his fingers in his lap and sat watching Snape for a while. 

“We cannot do this…” he finally said, “At least you cannot, Severus. You are of too much importance to us to take such a risk”. 

“And I, on the other hand, refuse to put your life at stake, Albus,” said Snape firmly, “So that ends our discussion. I suggest we test it when the need arises to use it”. 

“We will still be risking our lives in that case then,” remarked Dumbledore, “and in far less ideal circumstances”. 

“I will do it,” said Billie suddenly. 

Both heads instantly turned towards her.

“Honestly,” she said, “I really don’t mind. I don’t think there can be much harm in it anyway”. 

“You do not know that, Billie,” said Snape. 

“The hairs were unharmed”. 

“The human body is a little more complex than a single hair”. Snape shook his head, “You are drinking the potion. Provided it does not instantly kill you, it could cause severe injuries to your intestines, stomach or any other organ”. 

“And you could be blocked in your transformation”, added Dumbledore. “I do believe history has given us a few examples, has it not?”

Snape nodded with his eyes still on Billie. “They were not human, though,” he added slowly, “One of them was a goblin trying to take another goblin’s form. And there are quite a few examples of humans who used the potion to transform into another creature, like animals for example”. 

“Well I’m neither a goblin, nor an animal, and I don’t intend to turn into one either, so I don’t think that applies to me,” said Billie. It sounded lighter than she felt inside, though, and there was no doubt that the two men opposite her were aware of that too.

For a moment, the three of them sat thinking in silence.

“Professor?” said Billie after a while, addressing Snape, “Do you know of any cases in which the drinker burnt their organs? Or got killed”

“No…” said Snape slowly, and Dumbledore sat shaking his head too.

“Then I think I should give it a try,” and this time, she sounded a lot determined. “Really,” she added when she caught sight of their sceptical faces. “And we’d better have it over and done with now, before I change my mind”. 

Dumbledore smiled but Snape did not. His eyes were still resting on Billie, but just like it had been before, it was impossible to read the expression on his face.

“Please, Professor,” said Billie. “It’s the only option we have”.

Another moment passed in which the two men sat silently studying each other and the girl, until Snape let out a deep sigh and stood up. 

“Very well,” he said, “If you have no further objections, Headmaster, I suggest Miss Matthews starts the experiment”.

“Have you brought the potion?” asked Dumbledore. 

Snape nodded. 

“But who should I turn into?” asked Billie, rising too, “I didn’t bring any parts of anyone with me”.

“I did”, said Snape, much to her surprise, “I managed to take a hair from your friend Miss Wildsmith when I addressed her during our latest class”.

“So you knew we were going to test it tonight,” said Billie incredulously.

Snape said nothing. Instead, his hand disappeared into the inside of his pocket and he took out a small bottle that contained the potion, and another one in which he had probably kept Emily’s hair.

But when he handed her both bottles, a flicker of amusement was playing in his eyes. 

“Suffice it to say that all the hours we have spent together have given me some insight in the nature of your character,” he said dryly and a soft chuckle sounded from where Dumbledore was sitting. “I knew you would be eager to learn whether you succeeded or not, and I would not have allowed you to test it, unless Professor Dumbledore was there to assist us, which would be the case tonight”.

She smiled and Snape took the corks out of the two bottles for her. 

“One hair should be enough but since they are rather short I suggest you add a second one”.

Billie did as he told her and when the familiar hissing sound rose from the dark-green blubber, she looked up and met his dark gaze.

“Are you sure you want to proceed with this?” asked Snape.

She nodded.

Dumbledore briefly lay a hand on her shoulder. “Good luck, Billie. We are here to support you”. 

She smiled a little nervously; exchanged a last look with Snape and brought the bottle to her lips. 

 

It tasted of spinach and it looked like it too. But there wasn’t much time to savour its taste, really, for as soon as she had swallowed the thick substance, a sharp pain shot through her stomach, causing her to bend double with pain and gasp for air.

Through the waves of pain and the twists her insides made, the sound of her name caught her ears and she was vaguely aware of being supported and held but she was too busy fighting the heavy nausea that had taken possession of her so suddenly to care.

And then, as abruptly as it had started, the pain stopped and the obstruction of her lungs lifted. She looked up from the shoulder on which she appeared to have sought comfort and found Snape staring down at her with wide eyes that, for once, hid nothing of his concern.

 

She stepped back, looked at her fingers but she was too confused to see if they had changed. 

Then she lifted her hand to run her fingers through her hair… only… it wasn’t there. She lifted her hand a bit higher and felt short peaks on the top of her head. She had never touched Emily’s hair, but she had always imagined it felt like this. 

“Has it worked?” she asked rather superfluously.

“I believe so,” said Snape, looking rather pale himself, “I am now looking at Miss Wildsmith”

Billie looked around at Dumbledore who stood beaming at her. The Headmaster didn’t seem to have been through the same anguish as she had been, or his younger colleague.

“Are you still in pain, Miss Matthews?”, he asked.

She shook her head. “No, I’m fine, thanks. Is…erm… is there a mirror here somewhere?”. She was dead curious to see what she looked like.

Dumbledore felt in his pockets and took out a small, round hand mirror, which wasn’t unlike the ones ladies usually carried in their handbags. Especially its pink colour and the brightly-coloured flowers painted on it gave it quite a feminine touch.

“A shame for the hair, I must say,” said Snape who stood looking over her shoulder. 

She met his glance in her reflection, blushed and quickly handed the mirror back to Dumbledore. 

“So what are we going to do now?” she asked nervously, “Do we have to wait until the transformation wears off?”

“Well, yes,” said Snape, “I believe that is part of the test, is it not?”.

“But it is very late”. She cast an uncertain glance at Dumbledore.“So it is,” agreed the Headmaster, “You are of course welcome to stay here until the potion is wearing off. However, I am not sure it is wise to stay away from the castle for too long”. 

“Indeed not,” said Snape, “Since Miss Matthews appears to have survived the first, most dangerous phase very well, I trust we can hope for a good outcome of the experiment and finish the test on our own. I therefore suggest we shortly take our leave”.

“That is not a bad idea,” agreed Professor Dumbledore, “In your capable hands, I am sure Miss Matthews has nothing to fear, Severus. However, have you decided on how to proceed with the essay?”

The latter was addressed at Billie, who shook her head. 

“Please do sit down for a minute,” said Dumbledore and so the three of them took back their places in front of the fireplace.

“First of all, I have to congratulate you on your results, Miss Matthews”, the Headmaster started, “I cannot recall many students who successfully finished a NEWTS assignment of such complexity”. 

“Thank you,” smiled Billie, “I received a lot of help from Professor Snape, though”.

“Professor Snape has assured me that his contribution was quite limited,” smiled Dumbledore, “And I believe him. Be that as it may, however, I assume the situation of our world at present has not escaped your attention?” 

There was no humour left in the lined face opposite her anymore.

Billie shook her head.

“It is indeed very serious,” continued Dumbledore. “What has been happening at Hogwarts lately is but a small illustration of the things that await us. For that reason, I feel a certain hesitation at making the findings of your research public”. 

He folded his hands in his lap and leaned back into his chair again. “You see, Miss Matthews, I do not think we should trust every member of the NEWTS jury. A few of them have been old friends, but there are one or two who may not merely be interested in the scientific results of your experiments. Unless I am mistaken, I daresay their presence at the NEWTS examination is primarily aimed at acquiring new ideas which they could put to their own use, for purposes which would probably make you and I frown”.

Billie nodded. He was more or less confirming what Snape had told her before. 

“So you don’t think I should explain it all,” she said. 

“I would even suggest to abandon the subject altogether”, said Dumbledore quietly. 

Billie’s head shot around at Snape in shock. 

But the Potions Master calmly met her gaze and cleared his throat.

“Professor Dumbledore is right, I think,” he said, “I believe you even considered that option yourself”.

“But…” Billie looked back at Dumbledore, “But I wasn’t <i>serious</i> when I said that! I can’t just drop the subject, can I? Not after all the work we’ve done! And not a mere two months before the NEWTS exams!”

“I am aware that this is too big an offer we ask from you, Miss Matthews,” said Dumbledore, “Far too big indeed. But I am afraid we are left with no other choice”. 

Billie looked back at Snape, silently begging him to support her. Snape removed his arms from the sides of his chair and leaned a little closer to her.

“I am very sorry about this, Billie,” he said, in a warmer tone than she had ever heard him use before, “You deserve top marks with this, and whatever scenario we decide to follow, it is still my ambition to have you graduate with no less than that. But we cannot use the Polyjuice Potion to achieve this. I wish I could tell you differently, but unless the situation improves, you will not have the chance to tell our world what an immense achievement you have made and thus receive an entrance ticket to the best positions in business or in academic circles”.

Billie took a moment to swallow and to collect her thoughts, and then she said, in a barely audible voice. 

“I was never going to get such a ticket in the first place, was I. I’m muggle-born, remember?”

Snape let out an irritable sigh and set back again. 

“I think it is too early to draw such conclusions,” came Dumbledore’s quiet voice. “The times are indeed becoming darker and you may increasingly feel restricted in your personal development. But a person with your talent will always be offered interesting opportunities. Only, you may have to look for them in somewhat different places than you would initially prefer to do”.

“So all my work will be for nothing”, she said bitterly. 

Her head shot up when she felt the pressure of Snape’s fingers on her arm. 

“Not at all,” he said, with a little emphasis on each syllable. He was looking at her with determination and something that mostly resembled regret. “This work is the perfect base for a doctoral dissertation, and I would be very happy to help you with it. However… I cannot do so at present. And I may not be able to do so for some time. Other professors may find themselves in a better position to mentor you than me; at other institutions, for example. Even outside of Britain, if need be”. 

“I’ve told you. I don’t want to leave the country”. She sounded curt, more because she was irritated at the tears that were coming into her eyes than at the things he was saying- things he had said before anyway and which she had known all along.

“If the wizarding world turns out not to be so welcoming towards you as it used to be,” said Dumbledore, “but we still have hope that it will not come to such a situation - you may indeed have to spend some time abroad; or hidden in the muggle world. Your father is a Professor at Oxford University, is he not?”

“Was,” she corrected him wearily. “He retired some time ago”. 

“Lord Voldemort may be on the rise but he is far from powerful yet,” The Dark Lord’s name burst into the room like a rocket, especially when it came out of Dumbledore’s mouth. Billie shuddered. “If we manage to stand on one line and join forces against him, we will have all the means in our hands to prevent him from coming to power, and you may never find yourself in a situation in which you would be forced to hide your ancestry and flee from this country. However, we are not there yet, and until then we have to be cautious and realistic. You have seen proof yourself of how the Ministry refuses to face the truth – even fights with all its might against the reality that is staring them in the face. And even if the Ministry officials regain possession of their senses and help us defend ourselves against Him, we cannot tell for sure that all of them and their staff will be equally noble in their ambitions. Some of them may sympathise with, or even openly support the Dark Lord. And there is a fair chance that one or two of them sit in our examination committees”.

A deep silence fell after these words, during which Billie tried to digest what he had been saying. Even if he had said similar things at the end of the previous year, just after Cedric Diggory had died, she had never expected him to speak so openly about Voldemort tonight, in the privacy of someone else’s sitting room. If she wasn’t mistaken, this was the very first time she was talking to him face-to-face, so the last thing she had expected him to do was to share such – in the minds of the Ministry at least – subversive thoughts with her. 

Her eyes travelled back to the silent man on her other side, whose fingers were still resting on her arm.

“Professor Dumbledore is right, Billie,“ he said in reply to the look she gave him. “But I suggest we leave it at that, for the time being. It has after all become very late”. 

“Yes, I think it is high time you left,” said Dumbledore, rising to his feet, “The last thing we want is for you to be caught on your way back to the castle and your rooms; or worse still, to be seen as you are leaving this house. I trust you have not been followed?”

“No, not at all,” said Snape who had removed his hand and was now standing too, “Not even an animagus could have followed our footsteps. Not in this weather”. 

“Excellent,” smiled Dumbledore, “Not that I am very worried about being found by Dolores Umbridge. But I quite enjoy the solitude of this village and this house, for a bit. I think I needed a bit of holiday”.

Despite her low spirits, Billie smiled too. It was hard not to like the old man, even if he had just shattered her hopes of a graduation with good marks and a brilliant future.

“I have been thinking about an alternative essay for you, Billie,” said Snape, as if he had been reading her thoughts, “And I suggest we discuss it during our Potions class tomorrow”.

Billie nodded. She hadn’t been aware that tomorrow she would be sitting in his class again. In fact, she had lost all track of time since they had entered the Forest earlier that evening.

“If the transformation has stopped,” she muttered.

She caught his questioning glance and smiled. “We can’t have two Emily’s in one classroom, can we”. 

“No, of course that is impossible,” said Snape, alarmed, “You must not be seen together in your present state”. 

“Don’t worry,” said Billie, “I will pull the covers over my head and pretend I’ve been taken ill if I haven’t turned into myself by the time I should get up in the morning”. 

“Ah, that is very clever indeed,” said Dumbledore, and then he stretched his hand to shake hers, “Well, good luck, Billie. Once again forgive me for being so little encouraging. But your research is in safe hands with Severus, and I am sure he will not hesitate to help you find a good mentor should you wish to elaborate on the subject in future”.

“Thank you, Professor,” said Billie. She felt the tears push against her eyeballs again, but she refused to let them run freely. Instead, she accepted the cloak Snape was draping around her shoulders and gave him a tiny smile to thank him. “Goodnight, sir”. 

“Goodnight, Billie. Goodnight, Severus… Ah the freshness of early morning” the latter was added when Dumbledore opened the door to let them out and a watery breeze came floating in. 

With a quick glance left and right, Snape stepped outside first and cast another look around. Then he motioned for Billie to follow him, shook hands with Dumbledore and turned away from the door that was now being closed.

“It‘s stopped raining,” whispered Billie as she pulled her hood over her face,”Do you think that will increase the risk of being seen?”

But she didn’t receive a reply. 

She looked up at Snape to check if he had heard her, and received a tremendous shock. 

Even in the cosy-yellowish light of the nearest street lamp, his face had turned deadly-white. It lasted only a split second, because as soon as he felt Billie’s gaze on him, he turned away from her and pulled his hood over his head to cover his features. But even in this short time, there had been no mistaking the intense grief, the heartbreaking sadness his face had expressed. 

Billie didn’t dare to openly turn around and look at what he had been staring at, but as soon as they had left the front garden and entered the street, she stole a glance backwards anyway. 

He had been looking at what appeared to be nothing more than a house in ruins. 

She didn’t dare to linger for a closer look. But just before they turned into the next street, when the house would completely disappear from view, she quickly cast another glance over her shoulder. 

It was probably not a house that had gradually dilapidated and was now on the verge of collapsing altogether. It looked burnt- but only in the centre of it, as if the chimney had caught fire and ruined the middle part of the house, and it had to have happened a long time ago because moss and all sorts of weeds were now growing on the destroyed parts. 

 

As she silently continued her walk with Snape through the deserted streets, it suddenly dawned on her that this had probably not been caused by an ordinary fire. An evil curse had to have passed through it. 

But how was that possible? Who on earth should send such a curse- possibly even a killing curse - at this house’s inhabitants, and more importantly, why? 

What a strange place it was anyway. Why was it standing here like this, probably years after the horrible events had taken place, and not restored or at the very least demolished and replaced by a new one? 

And why was Snape so affected by it? Had anyone died in there who he had been close to? Had it been his, or rather his parents’ house? At the time when Voldemort first came to power?

Well, whatever the reason for his distress, Billie knew quite sure that she was not supposed to have witnessed it, and that didn’t leave her with a very pleasant feeling. It was as if she had rudely burst into something very private, something which would never have anything to do with her but which, very strangely, gave her a feeling of being left out. 

Of course she didn’t know anything about Snape or his past. Did he have relatives? A private life at all? Had he ever been in love, possibly with one of the inhabitants in that ruined house?

It’s none of your business, she kept repeating to herself, stop looking for explanations. But at the same time, she felt her thoughts constantly drawn towards the silent, hooded figure next to her, who slowly turned his covered head towards her when she pushed her arm through his. 

“I believe it’s here we apparated,” she explained. 

It was a bit funny to feel the gaze of an invisible face on her, especially because he took quite a while before he looked away from her again and nodded, to indicate that he was ready to apparate.

In his present state of mental numbness, it was confusing for him to be standing here, talking to and held by an uninteresting student who he hardly knew or cared about, until he realised that, inside Emily Wildsmith’s body, the warmest creature he had met in years was hiding.

Not that this helped to ease the dreadful pain the sight of Lily’s house had caused with him. Billie’s kindness was merely a plaster on a burning, incurable and much bigger wound. 

He pushed her arm a little closer against his and the next moment, they were squeezed through space, swirling back to the dark heart of the Forbidden Forest.

 

They probably landed on the same spot from where they had previously left, but it was still too dark to tell for sure. The rain had come back, softly at first, but very rapidly turning into a roaring thunderstorm again.

Just like before, Snape took Billie’s hand to steer her through the thick-growing bushes and other plants, helping her to keep her balance when she stumbled over a root or a piece of rock, and warning her if a low-hanging branch threatened to hit her full in the face.

They had hardly moved a couple of yards though, when they were startled by what sounded like a loud wail and a terrible crash. 

It was as if a tree very close to them had been hit by lightning – only… there hadn’t been any flashes and with the storm booming around them, Billie wasn’t even sure there had been thunder in the sky in the first place.

When another crash sounded, not five metres from where they were standing, she instinctively pushed herself closer to Snape.

“What was that?” she whispered.

Snape didn’t reply. 

So they stood stock-still, huddled together and listened, with the rain hammering down on their cloaks and the branches of the nearby trees dangerously lashing out at them by the force of the wind, but it was hard to tell if the sounds that surrounded them were caused by the storm or something else.

“Is it me or is the ground moving?” whispered Billie.

“Something massive is moving,” muttered Snape, “If I did not know it was impossible I would think…”

But another deafening crash brutely interrupted his speech and Billie had no idea what it was that Snape thought was moving around them. This time, a tree a little further ahead than the previous one had clearly fallen victim to the creature’s vandalism, for it had now become clear that the destruction they were witnessing was not the result of the storm or any other force of nature.

When another roar sounded and the ground trembled a little less than it had done before, Billie realised that the creature was moving away from them, and that now was perhaps the time to get away from there. 

Snape seemed to be thinking the same, for his hand closed around Billie’s again and very slowly and careful not to make any sound, he guided them through the bushes on their right side, away from the thing that apparently had made it its mission to destroy the whole Forest single-handedly.Another negative side-effect of the creature’s presence was that they were now forced to take the opposite direction of where they were supposed to go. 

“What was that?” Billie whispered again when they had come at what seemed a safe distance from it. The Forest was less dense here, making it possible to comfortably walk side by side again and so Snape removed his hand.

“I have a suspicion,” he said, but he didn’t tell her what that suspicion was.

“It sounded dangerous”, Billie tentatively tried.

“If it stays in the Forest and after I have had a word with the person who I suspect of having brought it here, I trust it will not be dangerous to the students”. 

He sounded angry and Billie didn’t dare to ask any more questions, so they continued the last of their walk in silence. 

 

Without any further disturbance, they arrived at the edge of the Forest and back to the western side of the castle when sunrise was not too far off anymore. It was still too dark to check her watch, but Billie had a feeling that they had spent a lot more time in the Forest than they had done before. They had definitely been forced to make a big detour. 

As Snape stood checking and listening if it was safe to leave the protection of the trees and cross the clearing towards Ravenclaw tower, Billie slipped her fingers underneath her hood to check if her loose bun had grown back already, but all she felt was Emily’s cropped pixie haircut. 

The five hours had probably not passed yet, but still… the longer she stayed in this disguise, the more she wondered if indeed all would be well and she would shortly turn into her usual self again. She didn’t <i>feel </i>any changes inside either. At least, she hoped that returning back to normal would be a lot less painful than turning into someone else had been, but she couldn’t tell for sure, for she had never tried the Polyjuice Potion before. 

Snape shifted his gaze back to her. “I think you can go back now,” he said. 

“Aren’t you coming too?”

“No… we must not take the risk of being seen together. I will move closer to the Lake, from where I can take a secret passage to my private quarters”. 

Billie nodded.

“Has the transformation started yet?”

“No. I can’t feel anything”. 

“Returning to your usual form normally passes undetected. I assume this will not be different in this case”. 

“And what should I do if it does not go that well?”

“In my opinion, the only risk you run is of being stuck in your transformation. Should that be the case and you have not assumed your usual form by the time my Potions class starts in the afternoon, I will come in search of you”. 

“How will you do that, sir? I won’t be able to leave my dormitory and you won’t be able to enter it unnoticed either”. 

“We will find a way,” he said evasively.

“And what if it really goes wrong? If the re-transformation does not pass so painlessly as it normally does?” 

“In that case, you immediately have to send for Madam Pomfrey and ask her to discreetly inform me”. He looked back at her. “Perhaps you should agree on a way of communication with your friend Miss Wildsmith so that she receives a signal when help is needed. But nothing will go wrong. I have confidence in your potion”.

She received that same fluttering feeling in her belly as she had felt before and her cheeks were glowing. Strange how another person’s body reacted in exactly the same way as the one of the person who had invaded it. 

“Go now, Billie,” said Snape. “Be careful”. 

She cast a look around, took a deep breath and with her head held down, safely protected from rain and view by her black cloak, ran to the backdoor and towards the safety of her common room.


	10. Part I Chapter 10

10

 

She had barely closed her eyes when she was rudely awakened by Penelope Clearwater’s alarm clock. 

Despite her sleepy brain, she immediately remembered the events of the night before, and she pulled the duvet over her head. She didn’t even have to touch her scalp to know that she had still not turned into her old self again, so she had to avoid being seen at all cost . 

“Get up, Billie!” she heard Emily shout after a while, “You’ll be late”. 

“You go ahead,” She did her best to sound weak and sick, and as much as herself as she could manage with these different vocal cords. “I’m not feeling too well. Stomach ache…”. 

“Oh…” She heard someone move towards her and instinctively grabbed her sheet, for fear they would pull it away to have a closer look.

“Don’t worry ”, she managed to reveal just a little part of her nose and eyes – enough to not raise suspicion but not enough for the other girls in the room to recognise a second Emily. 

Fortunately, it was Emily herself who stood looking down at her with a look of deep concern on her face.  She knew who Billie had been with on the night before, and why, and it wasn’t very difficult for her to add two and two. 

 “Shouldn’t you go to the hospital wing?” she asked meaningfully, “Madam Pomfrey is quite good at these things”. 

“I’m fine”, whispered Billie, feeling the other girls’ eyes on them, “If I’m not I’ll send her a floo powder message”

“OK then. I’ll come and check on you later, anyway” said Emily, “Have to hurry now”.

The girls took a few more minutes to get dressed and brush their teeth. Meanwhile, Billie kept her duvet firmly in place over her head and felt her armpits grow humit as the temperature underneath it rapidly started to rise. When, after the girls had left, she was finally able to throw it off and gulp some fresh air, it felt as if she had been locked up inside a water tank. 

 

“Silence…”

The black eyes swept over the last row and didn’t stop at the empty space to Miss Wildsmith’s left, but registered Billie’s absence all the same. A tiny muscle twitched in the shallow face, which was the only visible evidence of the disquiet Snape felt inside.

Merlin… it couldn’t be true…

Poppy had not sent for him, nor mentioned anything over lunch but that didn’t necessarily mean that all was well. What if she was in pain and unable to make it to the hospital wing? Or worse? 

As he conjured the instructions for the Forgetfulness Potion on the blackboard, and told the students to start brewing the second phase, he told himself that he had been a fool to leave her alone. He should have stayed with her until the potion had worn off. 

He was just about to get up and inconspicuously glide towards the last row to check with Emily why her friend wasn’t in class, when the door opened and Billie, every bit her old, pretty self again, came sweeping in, with abundantly waving hair and sparkling dark-blue eyes. 

“Miss Matthews…” 

For once, Snape found it quite hard to sound his usual stern, indifferent self. 

“Sorry, Professor,” she said, not looking sorry at all, “I was stopped by Professor Umbridge on my way here”. 

Half of the class held their breath at the mentioning of the High Inquisitor slash Headmistress, but Billie looked as if she had been stopped by Madam Rosmerta for a friendly chat. 

“Really…” muttered Snape, “Well, Miss Matthews, you will find that being stopped by our Headmistress is not an excuse for being late in my class. I therefore suggest you recover the lost time by staying fifteen minutes longer”. 

With a swing of his black robes he turned away from her and walked back to his desk, thus missing the ugly face Billie only just remembered to pull at his retreating back. Whatever the Slytherins thought about her being late, they must not be given the impression that she was glad to be invited by Snape to stay fifteen minutes longer.

 

“The Wolfsbane Potion,” said Snape, placing a ruffled notebook on her desk, “Or rather, my suggestions for a simplified version of it”. 

Billie questioningly met his gaze.

“If you take the time to study my notes and redo the experiments I have described in here, you will be perfectly able to formulate your opinion on them and write an essay”. 

“Are you sure that will work, Professor?” asked Billie doubtfully, “There is very little time left for me to become familiar with your research. What if I fail to convince the jury, or find myself unable to answer a question I should easily have been able to answer if I had done all the research myself?”

“For a NEWTS essay, one is not expected to have done all the research on one’s own,” said Snape, “A well-argued and illustrated opinion is more than most students are capable of, especially when it comes to my subject. Of course, you will have to invest quite some time in fully mastering the content of these notes and to build up your reasoning. However, if you make such an effort, I see no reason why you should not be perceived as an expert on this subject”.

“Hm…”

She picked up the notebook and flicked through the pages. His cramped handwriting was still not easy to read at times but she had become used to it by now. What worried her more, however, was the moral aspect of his suggestion.

“I detect some hesitation?”

She sighed. “I’m not sure how I should feel about this, Professor”. 

He raised his eyebrows.

“I mean, I’m not sure if it is at all fair to rely so heavily on your work”.

A deep frown appeared on his brow now, and he crossed his arms and lowered himself on the back of the chair behind him, so that their eyes were more or less at the same level.

“Explain yourself, Miss Matthews. I am not sure I can follow”. 

“What I mean to say is that I don’t think I should benefit so much from the work someone else has done- least of all yourself. It gives me the feeling of taking advantage of your work and receiving credit for things I haven’t done myself. And it’s not fair towards the other students. You give me a twenty-mile advantage where the others are expected to run a complete marathon”. 

A look of incredulity was now replacing the puzzled frown on his face.

“In case it has escaped your attention, Miss Matthews, you have run a marathon already”. 

That silenced her for a while.

“Even if we agreed to not use the result of your research… yet,” he continued, “it does not mean that we should ignore the work that is behind it. It would not do to ask you to start a completely new research, just because of the decision we were forced to take. That would be showing very little respect for the work you have done so far. And it would probably leave you with such a heavy time pressure that the risks of failure would be considerable, and not just in my subject”. 

He leaned a little closer to her, as if he wanted to convince her by deeply boring his eyes into hers.

“Be reasonable, Billy,” he said, sounding a lot more personal now, “No matter how highly I think of your professionalism and your righteousness, NEWTS do not require such high sacrifices as the ones you would be imposing on yourself. We are not discussing a doctoral dissertation here. As I have said before, a well-founded review of someone else’s research – in this case mine – will be more than enough to graduate with higher than average marks”. 

He waited a little, no doubt to take the time to correctly interpret her thoughts.

“I know that a student of your calibre should aim much higher than the just-above-average. You deserve nothing less than the highest marks in Potions. But I am afraid the time is too short and the circumstances too delicate for you to be able to display the full range of your skills and knowledge to the NEWTS jury”.

He rested his hands on the desks on either side of him and stretched his legs. “Although I must confess I am pleased to hear you utter these objections”. He smiled when he caught her puzzled look, “It is for me the proof that the right person has taken Miss Matthews’ form. Only you are capable of such selfless attitude”. 

Billie was so stunned that her instinct to look away from his penetrating gaze came a little too late. And it only got worse. She felt the blush on her cheeks turn a deeper shade of red as she realised that Snape had seen the effect his words had caused with her.

She thought it was considerate of him to move the subject away from his compliment. 

“When did the potion’s effect wear off?” he asked. 

“What?... Oh, erm… shortly after lunch”. 

“So that means that the transformation lasted for about twelve… thirteen hours?”

“Erm… not exactly,” Billie nervously pushed a lock of hair behind her ear. Her heart was still racing like mad, “I was still transformed when I last checked the time- which was at half ten – and then I fell asleep and by the time I awoke, I had turned into myself again”. 

“The process passed unnoticed, you mean, which is precisely as it should be,” said Snape approvingly and with a trace of admiration in his eyes. “That is very well done, Billie. You have just given proof of the successful changes you have taken the potion through”. 

“Thank you,” said Billie, wondering if she could leave now. She suddenly felt an urgent need to digest and relive the things that had been said and happened in the last twenty-four hours in the privacy of her room.

 “I take it you will look into the Wolfsbane Potion?”

“Yes… if you think that is appropriate, I will”. 

“Good,” said Snape, “Well in that case, I would advise you not to wait too long before you start working on it. And you are welcome to contact me should certain parts be unclear to you. There is no harm in this potion, and no secrecy to be kept about it either”. 

“Thank you, sir. I will try not to bother you too much but I will remember that anyway”. 

Snape nodded approvingly. What a polite, considerate and sensible young woman she was. And having her standing in front of him, back in her beautiful shape, which was so very much more attractive than Emily Wildsmith’s, added to his appreciation of her.

His life was exceedingly hard and obscure these days, but sometimes a little spark coming from an unexpected source like Billie Matthews was all it took to lighten his path and make his burden a little easier to carry for a short while.

“Very well then. Goodnight, Miss Matthews”, he said as he got to his feet, “Good luck with my notes”. 

“Thank you, sir. Goodnight”.

But as she opened the door to leave the room, he turned towards her again. 

“Incidently, why were you stopped by the Headmistress on your way here?”

“I wasn’t,” she said and she sent him a beaming smile when she saw his eyebrows raise in wonder. “I was deliberately late. I was hoping you would make me stay longer so that we could discuss my NEWTS essay”.

It always left her with a wonderful feeling knowing that she had managed to make Snape smile.

 

“Come on, Billie… You’re not going to spend your whole Saturday in the library again, are you?”

“I have to, Fred. I’ve told you… if I haven’t finished reading these notes by Sunday and started preparing for my essay, I’ll never make it to the NEWTS”. 

“But you’ve spent ages on Potions already! How much more time is he going to take from you, the sneaky git! He’s just making you do his filthy work, if you ask me”. 

Billie looked into his eyes with a look in hers that expressed at least as much irritation as his.

“You don’t listen, do you,” she said coldly, “I’ve told you that my previous work can’t be used and that I have to start all over again”. 

“As if!” snorted Fred.

“What do you mean by <i>as if</i>?”

“As if Snape didn’t know that from the start!”

Billie cast a look around to check if there was a chance of being overheard, but apart from another couple that was standing at about fifty paces from them, the corridor was completely deserted. 

“The times are rapidly changing. He had no idea things would be getting so serious in just a couple of months. You could see that for yourself if you paid a little more attention to the papers and a little less to your practical jokes”.

“Nonsense!”, Fred looked absolutely livid now, “You don’t seriously believe that do you! He’s been spying on You-Know-Who ever since last summer. He knows perfectly well what is going on and he’s known it all along! I’m telling you. He’s only used you to do the dirty work for him so that he can use your potion for himself!”.

“Well,” said Billie in a strange calm but ice-cold voice, “If he is indeed spying on Him, all the better for his personal safety if he uses my potion. He’s very welcome to it!”.

“Right!” Fred jumped up from the window sill they had been sitting on, “So you don’t want to join us today. And I take it you won’t have the time to see me tonight either?”

“No, just like <i>you </i>didn’t have the time for me last Wednesday <i>and </i>on Monday <i>and </i>last weekend”. She folded her fingers in her lap and calmly met his angry eyes. “Perhaps we should stop seeing each other for the time being, Fred. I don’t think you are actually ready for a serious relationship and… well… perhaps I’m not ready for one either. We have different priorities I think”. 

“Oh, do we,” said Fred sarcastically.

Billie sighed and came to her feet too, so that at least he wasn’t looking down on her anymore. 

“I’m not making you any reproaches,” she said, sounding her more usual, warmer self again, “And I hope you’re not blaming me too much either, even if you are right. I just don’t think that this is the best time for us”.

That seemed to calm him down a little. For a few moments they stood looking at each other, not quite sure what to say next. 

“We’ve always been good friends, haven’t we…” said Billie.

“We’ve been a bit more than that, Billie. You’re breaking my heart!”. 

“You still look quite healthy to me, though”. 

He stared at her as if he couldn’t believe his ears and then saw the sparkle in her eyes and, for a moment, was completely at a loss for words.

“I’ll miss you,” she said, coming a little closer to him, “I still like you very very much. But I’m not sure if that’s enough. I don’t know how I really feel about you.  I really don’t know if you’re still my best friend or the man of my dreams”. 

“I thought I was both”. 

“So did I”. 

She was glad the anger had disappeared from his face now, and that he didn’t look devastated or mentally ruined either. He was merely looking at her with a mixture of melancholy and regret, … and affection.

The latter pleased her more than she could tell.

“There isn’t anyone else haunting your dreams, is there?” he asked. 

“Not that I’m aware of”. 

“Not Snape, is it. I’d hate to see you snug someone else, but being pushed aside for a git like Snape would make me jump off the Astronomy Tower”. 

“Snape?” she laughed, “Of course not”.

But her stomach made a strange leap.

“Sure? You <i>will </i>tell me if he can’t keep his hands off you, will you”.

Billie let out her characteristic, musical laughter and gave him a playful pinch in his side. 

“Listen to you! When has Snape ever given you the impression that he’s fumbling on students?”. 

“Wouldn’t put it past him to play dirty games”.

“You’re mad!”

“So he’s behaving himself?”

“Of course he is!”.

“And there isn’t anyone else?”

“Of course there isn’t,” She put her arms around his waist and planted a kiss on his cheek, “All the teachers, apart from Snape I admit, are close to becoming senile and all the students are either boring, or bad-looking or too young”.

“George isn’t”. 

“Yes well… I’m not going to exchange a Comet for another Comet am I. If I wanted someone else to take your place it should at least be a Firebolt”.

Fred’s face broke into a wide grin. “You’re priceless, Billiewiggles!”

“So are you,” she laughed.

But then they were startled by the shrill sound of a high-pitched voice that immediately put an end to their conversation and tore them apart. 

Umbridge, as always dressed in pink, from the ridiculus bonnet on her frizzled head to the flat-heeled shiny shoes on her tiny feet, came tapping towards them but, much to their relief, stopped at where Zacharias Smith stood chatting with Rose Zeller.

“Students are not allowed to find themselves within close range of each other!” she snapped, “It is not the first time I see you break this rule, Mr Smith. I believe this calls for detention!”

Little did she know that in Zacharias Smith’s case, coming close when talking to a person was just an irritating habit of his that had nothing to do with a desire to snug that person or to share any other intimacies.

There was something strange about Umbridge, though. Apart from the fact that she was scolding Zacharias and Rose and not Billie and Fred, who had stood much closer than them and who had been having more than an ordinary chat, the triumphant smirk she usually displayed when she found an excuse to send a student in detention was completely missing. 

She looked rather ruffled, really, and nervous, as if things at Hogwarts were not really running as she had expected them to do, now that she had been appointed as the new Headmistress. 

Well of course they weren’t. More and more students were openly showing rebellion these days, not in the least the Weasley twins of course. The fact that she turned around from them now, without so much as a foul look at Fred even, was saying a lot about the mental state she was in. 

“I think it’s time for a more radical approach…” muttered Fred as she was disappearing from view. 

He looked back at Billie and smiled. “Now that you have dropped me, I’m exactly in the mood for a bit of nasty dissidence. Wish me luck, Billiewiggles”. 

And with an extremely wicked grin on his face he turned away from her and headed straight for the Gryffindor Common Room, his mind already miles away from his broken relationship.

 

The Nastily Exhausting Wizarding Test for Potions was to take place in the Great Hall. 

In pairs, the seventh-year students were brought to the small antechamber next to the Hall, where they had to rummage into a stone bowl and pick a piece of parchment that bore the name of the potion they would have to finish.

They were then escorted each to a different room, where the base of that potion had already been prepared for them. The idea was that, first, they had to try to find out in what stage of the brewing process the potion found itself, and then, for about an hour, prepare the remaining ingredients, possibly even continue the brewing, after which they would be invited to the Great Hall where they were to finish the process in front of the jury. 

Meanwhile, or after that – Billie wasn’t quite sure – the members of the jury would be asking questions which might or might not be related to the potion, and which were meant to lift their results a bit, if they hadn’t managed to successfully finish their potion for example. 

Of course, those questions could also make them fail altogether…

 

Billie herself was scheduled for the early afternoon. She was supposed to be coming at ten – being somewhere in the middle of the alphabet – but since she was the only student who had dedicated her NEWTS essay to Potions, she would be coming last, because the jury wanted to take all their time to question her on her research. 

 

She was let into the antechamber about half an hour ahead of schedule, and felt relatively calm when she was walking towards the desk, where a friendly-looking elderly witch held out the stone bowl to her. 

There weren’t many potions she didn’t feel comfortable with, so that part of the exam wouldn’t be too difficult, but when it came to defending her essay, she wasn’t quite sure how she would do. 

She had done her very best to learn every step Snape had taken during his research by heart, and she had started to redo his experiments, like he had advised her to do. But since barely three weeks had been left for her to master all that material and write an essay -weeks, in which she also had to prepare for her other NEWT exams - she had been forced to give in on her ambitions a little bit and contend herself with just accepting the Potions Master’s conclusions and formulate an opinion on them.

So she had spent quite a restless night, and this, combined with fatigue and mixed feelings about Fred -and George’s- escape from Hogwarts, plus not having been able to consult Snape once on the content of her essay, had forced her out of the library more than an hour before she was actually expected in the antechamber.

With clammy hands, she rummaged through the various pieces of parchment in the bowl until her fingers picked one. 

<i>Scintilliation Solution </i>it read.

She swallowed hard. She had run through the recipe and she seemed to remember the names of the ingredients it required, but she wasn’t sure about the exact doses and even less so about the brewing process. 

Of all the potions she could have been asked to prepare, this was one of the few she shouldn’t have had.

“Will you follow me, please?”

She was startled by the sudden sound of Snape’s voice. He had entered the room and was now standing next to her, waiting to take her to the other room where she was to do the preparations.

She nodded and followed him to classroom eleven, which was just a few paces away.

 “You will find all you need in here, “ said Snape as he opened the door of the room and pointed at a large cupboard at the wall, “You have exactly one hour to prepare the next phase of the potion and to take a few notes. After that, you will be called for”.

For a short moment, his eyes rested on her.

“How are you?” he asked.

Billie looked up at him in surprise. Concern was the last thing she had ever expected from Snape on a moment like this.

“Erm… not too bad,” she said.

“You have not consulted me on your essay”. 

She looked down at her folded fingers. “No, … I haven’t”

“Why was that?”

Her eyes locked with his again. “I didn’t think it was appropriate – not after I had noticed what a tremendous amount of information you had given me. I could practically write the essay in one go- without having to look up anything at all”.

“Yes, well… that was the intention all along, was it not?”

She shook her head. “Not to that extent. I had at least expected I’d be needing to do some minimal research but your notes were very complete”. 

He sent her a look that was full of incredulity. “I was under the impression that you did not have the time for such research. As the examinations came closer I detected an increasing nervousness and tiredness about you. Was I mistaken?”

“No…” she hastened to say, “no… not at all. And I am very grateful for what you did. I would never have managed all the work if the essay had forced me to do some extra research. But having it proofread and no doubt corrected by you on top of all that would have been too much for me to accept”.“Hm… Well, … as such is the case, I can only hope that your essay will live up to the jury’s expectations. I wish you good luck”. 

“Thank you”. 

He gave a curt nod and with a last, penetrating glance, turned towards the door and left her alone.

 

The Great Hall was bathing in sunlight. 

Snape was sitting at the far end of the long table. He was joined by three other wizards Billie didn’t know at all, and a fourth one whose sour face she was sure she had seen before, but she couldn’t recall when or where. 

She hated having to cross this immense hall with all eyes fixed on her, so as she was approaching herself to the table, she directed her thoughts elsewhere and silently started to recite the things she was going to say on the subject of her essay.

 “Goodafternoon, Miss… Matthews?”, said thewizard in the middle, a short man with the shabby pointed hat on his grey, frizzled hair and round glasses that were wobbling on the tip of his nose, “Please state the name of the potion you were asked to prepare and explain to us which steps you have taken up till now”. 

“I was asked to prepare a Scintilliation Solution, sir,”

Her voice was slightly trembling as she spoke and her eyes nervously shifted towards Snape. 

Was she imagining it or had he given her an encouraging nod? 

“Very well,” said the wizard, “Please explain at what phase you found the potion when you started your preparations”. 

“Erm… the cameleon scales had not dissolved yet, nor had the ginger, but the potion had turned a bright orange which means that, shortly before I entered, it had been brought to its boiling point and was now cooling down again”. 

The wizard who had first addressed her sat nodding vigorously, but it was the one next to Snape, a red-faced, obese little man, who put the next question to her.

“So what did you do then, Miss Matthews?”.

“I stirred the content once, counter-clockwise, and I added the lycopodium seeds”. 

All jury members, apart from the sour-looking one, nodded some sort of approval. 

“When the ginger turned glassy and the cameleon scales had turned a dark shade of brown, I stirred the mixture again, but this time clockwise and seven times”. 

That was where she had hesitated… 

She cast an anxious glance at the wrinkled faces opposite her but found little encouragement there, and she didn’t dare to glance at Snape for support.

Since none of the wizards commented, she couldn’t do anything else than to proceed, and so she continued with, “And then I let the mixture stew at a low temperature until the ginger had dissolved and I added an ounce of ground pomegranate blossoms”.

One wizard was looking down at his notes, and another one shifted in his chair. Billie had a feeling she had just made a major blunder. True, she hadn’t been sure about the amount of blossoms she was supposed to add at this stage of the brewing process.

“And what did the potion look like after you had done this?” asked the sour-looking wizard, who was sitting at the other end of the table. There was something malicious in his voice.

“It was still very fluid. So I added another three ounces of pomegranate blossoms and stirred the mixture once more counter-clockwise”. 

The bold wizard, who had kept his eyes on his notes, raised his head now, whilst the one in the middle stopped his shifting and leaned forward.

“You stirred the mixture counter-clockwise… Why did you do that?”

“To strengthen the magical compound,” she replied, a little surprised at their ignorance, “If I had just added the extra blossoms, the mixture would have shifted. So I reversed the binding current, so that the ingredients had the chance to strengthen their compound while the mixture was changing its current”. 

“Brilliant…” the bold wizard muttered and looked around at his fellow-members of the jury to seek confirmation, “Absolutely brilliant”. 

“Can you show us the content of your cauldron, Miss Matthews?” asked the sour-looking one, seemingly unimpressed by his neighbour’s enthusiasm. 

Billie nodded; levitated the cauldron from the fire and let it float the length of the table so that everyone could have a look. 

When she arrived at Snape she tried to catch his eye, but he just studied the dark-green paste in her cauldron and nodded when he was finished. 

She supposed he had just indicated that it was OK to take it away, but she silently hoped it had included some kind of approval.

“Very well, Miss Matthews,” said the wizard who had addressed her first, “I assume you will now finish the rest of the potion. Kindly tell us what you plan to do and why”. 

Billie was quite sure about the rest of the process now, so with a slightly more confident voice she started to explain about the gillyweed root and the schneckenpulver grains. 

As she was explaining what she was doing and why, and mixing the ingredients she had prepared in the potion, Snape sat watching her in silence. 

For the very first time in his career, he hoped a student had had enough time to prepare for her NEWTS and that she would be given the high marks she deserved. 

But he hadn’t seen her essay yet… how he cursed her for that… and he wasn’t sure the Scintilliation Solution would succeed. She should have added the four ounces of pomegranate blossom before the ginger turned glassy, and only have stirred it five times instead of seven. 

She looked calm, but a bit uncertain. 

He had known her for seven or nearly eight years now and it wasn’t until she had fallen ill in class – in the middle of the previous year, when he had carried her to the hospital wing,- that he had fully become aware of her. 

Of course, there hadn’t been many students he had ever carried away in his arms, shaking with fever. He supposed this had awakened some kind of protective feeling somewhere in a dark corner of his tormented self. But in any case, having had to miss her for the rest of the school year had made him realise what a valuable student she had been in his classes, and how disappointing it was to have absolutely no one left anymore who managed to brew a decent potion. 

She had to graduate with top marks. Anything less would be highly unfair.

His thoughts were suddenly interrupted by Professor Zelenca’s voice next to him.

“Miss Matthews. I notice you have mixed the butterfly wing separately, before you add it to the potion. Why is that? “

Merlin, he was right! Snape straightened in his chair. The wings they had provided her with had already been in powder form. There was no need to grind them even more in a mortar.

“I added a tip of cornstarch to the wings, Professor,” she replied.

<i>Cornstarch?</i>?!! 

Snape hadn’t even known he had such a thing in his store! No student knew about it and it was hardly ever used in potions.

The four pairs of eyes that were fixed on her didn’t disconcert her. She didn’t seem to understand why her explanation sounded so strange.

“I know that butterfly wing very seldom mixes with other ingredients, and in this stage of the brewing process it couldn’t be added to the potion without losing its characteristics. So I decided to use cornstarch with it”.

“But what made you think of that, Miss Matthews?” The red-faced wizard asked, hardly able to hide his astonishment.

For the first time, Snape saw confusion in her eyes now.

“Erm… it’s a thing I often use in potions” She had to be careful not to blurt out the secret of the improved Polyjuice Potion here. “Erm… my father uses it in chemical experiments, and one day I found out that it worked very well with magical ingredients as well, especially when their specific gravity is small, which makes them difficult to mix”

The sour-looking man raised his eyebrows. “Your <i>father, </i>Miss Matthews?” 

Damn… she had manoeuvred herself in trouble, Snape thought. Leo Leering had never officially been a Death Eater but he definitely flirted with the Dark side. Snape was quite sure that the only reason why he had insisted to sit in this jury had been to annoy the muggle-borns.

Billie, however, did not seem to be aware of the awkward silence that had fallen.  “My father is a retired Professor of Chemistry at Oxford University, sir”.

Leering sent his colleagues a triumphant grin and started to take notes like mad. For the rest of the exam, he didn’t once look up anymore.

Billie was now finishing her brewing. The jury attentatively listened to her explanation without interrupting her. 

When it was finished and the potion bottled and passed through the five pairs of hands for inspection, the wizard with the wobbling glasses congratulated her on the result and for the first time in a long time, the dark-blue eyes shone brightly as she gathered her things and left the hall with a small, polite bow. They had given her ten minutes to get some fresh air until she would be called in again to defend her essay.

 

“Well done! Very well done!” exclaimed Zelenca. “Absolutely astonishing! I thought for a moment she was ruining it, but she was just following a process of her own. What an exceptional talent you have among your students, Professor Snape!”

Snape smiled politely and had to admit old Zelenca was right. It was quite obvious she hadn’t studied his formula very well, or hadn’t remembered it very well, but she had managed to make it succeed anyway by using her common sense and her special talent.

“I am not sure I can agree with you, my dear Zelenca”.

The glasses wobbled towards the sour-looking man at the end of the table. 

“You do not agree, Leo?”

The man let out an unpleasant laughter. “Please, Professor. We have to maintain a certain seriousness in this discipline!”. 

“What do you mean, Leering?” asked the round-faced wizard who didn’t seem very impressed with the intervention of his colleague either.

“What I mean is that, once more, we are seeing proof of a lacking discipline at this school. Following a process of her own, indeed! Where will it all end if students start to change potions recipes at will! We have been very lucky that her potion didn’t blast our heads off!”.

For a moment, his three colleagues were staring at him open-mouthed, while Snape frantically tried to keep a neat balance between suppressing the angry beast that was rearing its ugly head in the pit of his stomach and convincingly playing his role of muggle-hating Death Eater. 

“My dear, Leo,” said Zelenca, “This student has just shown us how excellent her insight is in the way potion ingredients build compounds. I admit that, at a certain time, I thought she was going to ruin her potion, but when she realized that herself, she knew exactly what to do to correct her mistake and deliver a perfect Scintillation Solution. Isn’t that the purpose of this examination in the first place? To deliver the potion the student was asked to brew? And hasn’t she given proof of being very skilled and talented in this discipline?”. 

“Funny how you should use the word <i>discipline</i> in this context, Zelenca,” sneered Leering, “Messing up a carefully developed recipe does not illustrate a great respect for our predecessors’ expertise. Discipline is probably the last word we should use when referring to Miss Matthews’ clumsiness. And the fact that she managed to deliver what looks like an acceptable Solution is pure coincidence and not the result of a carefully, well-considered reasoning”. 

He shifted his gaze towards the dark man at the other end of the table. “Let us try not to deceive each other, gentlemen,” he continued, “Students cannot possibly have obtained an insight in potions that would enable them to change a recipe. Least of all muggle students”. 

That clearly stunned the other members of the jury and for a moment, no one spoke, until Snape decided it was time to intervene. 

“I can only agree with you, Professor,” he said, “If I learnt anything from the fifteen years I have been teaching Potions at this school it is that indeed, no student has ever managed to successfully alter the recipe of a potion- whether deliberately or not”. 

The wizard with the wobbling glasses frowned; the round-faced one opened his mouth to protest and the bold one looked down at his notes again.

“That is why,” continued Snape in his silk voice, “I have often wondered how it could be possible that a muggle-born girl like Miss Matthews managed to do it, for she has not done it once: she has managed to successfully alter recipes a number of times, very often to correct a mistake, I admit”. 

“Probably because her father is a Professor of Chemistry in Oxford,” said the round-faced wizard.

“Ha!” exclaimed Leering, “I do hope I am not hearing this correctly, Brutus. You were not suggesting I hope that a muggle professor of chemistry could positively influence his daughter’s excuse for potion-making, were you?”

Brutus, recognising a lost cause, kept his lips pressed together, and so did his two other colleagues. Snape, however, exchanged a meaningful glance with Leering, worldlessly indicating that, indeed, such a thought seemed preposterous.

“Let us keep some professionalism in our judgment, gentlemen,” said Leering smugly, “and award Miss Matthews not more than the result she deserves. For me, she has failed dramatically, but if you confirm, Professor Snape, that her solution meets the basic standards, I will not be too difficult and agree to give her a Poor”. 

With a face that revealed absolutely nothing of the fury he felt inside, Snape nodded his consent, and the other wizards were left with no other option than to agree too. Only Brutus made a weak effort to postpone the decision.

“Let us first see how she defends her essay,” he said, receiving nods from the colleagues on either side of him, “I think it is time to let her in, anyway. Professor Snape? Would you mind…?”

Snape slowly got to his feet and walked to the door, not showing great enthusiasm for another hour of listening to a student, but the expression on his face changed immediately when he entered the entrance hall and found Billie waiting there.

They didn’t speak but there was quite some information in the glances they exchanged – hers was questioning, and his was reassuring, because he didn’t want her to lose her confidence and ruin the second part. 

But just before they entered the Great Hall he lay a hand on her upper arm and gave it a squeeze, to stress the confidence he had in her skills. Then, with a scowl and cold, empty eyes he opened the door and led the way back to the long table.

 

In a calm, clear voice Billie started to explain about the subject and the scope of her essay – how she had come across a few notes on various experiments that had been carried out in the past, which had been meant to decrease the risk of failure when brewing the Wolfsbane Potion. 

She gave the jury an overview of the steps in the brewing process that were the most delicate and why that was, and how the researchers had thought of introducing alternative procedures or ingredients to create more stability and predictable results in the brewing process.

Then one by one, and with great attention for details, she explained to them why each and every idea had failed and ended by giving her own view on the next steps.

“The only area that has not been explored yet,” she said, “is the cooking temperature. Of course, the possibilities are nearly endless and within this time frame, it really was impossible for me to seriously start looking into this, but still, I have managed to test a few things on the first critical phase, which is when the euphorbia powder is added to the potion”.

Snape’s head came up. Up till then, he had been droodling on his notes, seemingly little interested in what Billie had to say. He now rested his cold eyes haughtily on her, hoping she would not be looking into his direction and lose confidence.

“Please describe what you changed, Miss Matthews,” said Professor Zelenca. He looked genuinely interested.

“At this point in the brewing process, the mixture often shifts, and up till now, we have never quite understood why that is. We know that changing the proportions does not make the process more reliable. From… well… other experiments I remembered that a mixture often shifts when the temperature is either too high or too low. In this case and in that phase, the mixture is very close to its boiling point still, and so I assumed that, if we add the euphorbia a fraction of a second too early, the temperature might still be too high really, which would then cause the potion to shift. So that’s when I decided to try removing the fire from underneath the cauldron for one second, place it back and only then add the euphorbia”. 

“And what was the result?” asked the round-faced wizard.

“It worked!” beamed Billie and Snape felt a surge of pride pass through him.

The other wizards – apart from Leo Leering of course – nodded enthusiastically, and that was enough to give Billie enough confidence to finish her explanation, by giving her opinion on what the next steps could be.

When she stopped, there was a silence during which the members of the jury looked at each other to get a first impression of how each of them felt about Billie’s essay, and then Zelenca started to speak. 

“Thank you, Miss Matthews. That was a well-structured explanation you gave us. Are there any questions for Miss Matthews, gentlemen?”

The bold wizard looked up and cleared his throat.

“I was wondering, Miss Matthews… what made you decide to remove the fire for exactly one second, and not for a longer, or shorter time?”

“Oh,…” said Billie, “Erm… nothing really. It was just an experiment. Had it not worked, then I suppose I would have tried something else… ”. 

“<i>Tried</i> something else, Miss Matthews?” came the sneering voice of Leering, “What would be the scientific value of that, I wonder”. 

Billie didn’t really have a reply to that, and Leering took advantage of her confusion to launch another attack. 

“May I ask you, Miss Matthews, what was your motivation for choosing this Wolfsbane potion as the subject of your essay?”

Ah, well, at least, this was a question Billie had expected. 

“The Wolfsbane potion serves a noble purpose, sir. And since it is so complicated, it is a very challenging potion too, that offers many opportunities for improvement”. 

“A <i>noble</i> purpose, Miss Matthews… “ said Leering, “I am not sure I can follow. Please explain, Miss Matthews, what do you think is so <i>noble </i>about the use of this potion?”

The constant use of her name sounded downright patronizing, but Billie tried not to be too much intimidated by it.

“Since it prevents the transformation from happening, it saves a werewolf a lot of trouble and pain”. 

“And why should that be <i>noble, </i>Miss Matthews<i>?”</i>

Billie felt anger boiling up inside her, but she told herself to stay calm and act as if there was no underlying disdain in his question.

“A person who is hit by lypanthropy has not chosen to be so. Therefore, I think it’s only fair that we try to help them and protect them against themselves if we have the means for it”. 

Leering did not say anything, but his whole body language expressed such contempt that Billie really had trouble hiding her anger. She knew that she had to add to her reply that the Wolfsbane served an important social function too, in that it protected the werewolf’s environment against his dangerous dementia, but she knew that she would sound defensive then, and she was not going to lower herself to that level. 

Since Leering kept quiet and the other wizards seemed too embarrassed with the situation to ask any more questions, Billie started to hope that the interview had come to an end, but just as she felt the anger subside and her muscles relax, Leering cleared his throat again. 

“Another question, Miss Matthews,” he said, “Neither in your presentation, nor in your essay do you mention the names of the researchers upon whose work you have based yourself”.

“No, that is correct,” said Billie, sounding a little curter than she usually did, “The notes were kept in a thin notebook that had been stuck at the back of a book in the library. They bore no name, nor a date”. 

The latter was true. Snape had never written his name in the notebook.

“In other words,” said Leering, “They are not valid”.

Billie gasped but immediately recovered from her shock. 

“I think they are valid, sir,” she said, deadly calm, “I know that I should not trust information provided by an anonymous source. And that is why I carried out the tests myself, to double-check the results described in the notes. And I found no discrepancies”. 

“Do you have evidence of that work?”

“I have my notes, of course”.

Leering sighed impatiently.

“Miss Matthews. This whole explanation… indeed your whole exam is lacking all professionalism. You base yourself on unreliable, anonymous sources; your method- if indeed we can refer to this clumsy trial-and-error as such– is as far away from science as it could be. Instead of carefully planning your experiments with precise calculations and measurements, you just throw together ingredients and mess with cooking temperatures at random, thereby completely ignoring the possible danger or serious consequences your actions could have. You are unprofessional, negligent and superficial and the fact that you have failed to cause any serious accidents up till now, proves how lucky you have been so far”.

During his speech, Billie had grown deadly pale, the three wizards dumbfounded and Snape, who was inwardly seething with rage, sat racking his brain for a way to cut this impossible character short and to save the day- if that was still possible.

But his position completely prevented him from intervening in Billie’s favour and that fuelled his fury even more.

“If none of you have any more questions, I suggest to call it a day,” said Leering, closing his notebook with a snap, “You may go, Miss Matthews”. 

With trembling hands, and legs that felt like jelly, Billie gathered her notes and her copy of the essay, but before she could turn and leave, she was stopped by the velvet sound of Snape’s voice.

“One more minute, if I may, Professor Leering”, he sounded casual, a little bored even, as if he couldn’t care less what the jury had to say on Billie’s essay but couldn’t help pointing out a little flaw in Leering’s reasoning anyway, “However much I may agree with your referring to what is unacceptable in scientific research, I believe I have to bring up in Miss Matthews’ defence that I can vouch for the authenticity of the notes she has used, and for the work she has done to test the theories stated therein, having been the supervisor of that research myself”.

Leering clenched his teeth but didn’t look very impressed by what Snape had to say. 

“Knowing this,” continued Snape, “I am sure you will agree with me that the validity of the information Miss Matthews based herself upon should not be doubted”. 

“If what you say is correct, Professor Snape, and I see no reason for questioning your integrity, I suppose we can indeed indulge her on that aspect of her work. However, that does not change anything to the carelessness with which she worked with that material. You cannot deny that, instead of using scientifically approved methods of calculation and argumentation, Miss Matthews has lowered herself to amateuristic experimenting. I think we can all agree that this NEWT essay has been a total waste of time, even more so if we take into account the uselesness of this potion in the first place”.

“But…” tried Brutus, whose round face looked very much like a bloated red balloon now, “isn’t is so, Professor Leering, that science has always been a matter of trial and error? The big theories often originated from basic experimenting. If Miss Matthews, or any other person, managed to translate her tests into equations, which in my opinion cannot be too difficult, I am sure we would have proof of the correctness of her theories”.

“That is assuming a lot, Professor”. 

“Perhaps,” said Zelenca, “But I agree with Brutus”.

That clearly infuriated Lerring, who grabbed his notes together and got to his feet. 

“I’ll grant this excuse for an examination a Poor and that’s final! Furthermore, Professor Snape, I have to admit that I am disappointed at the falling standards in your classes. I had not expected you to lower yourself to mentoring such valueless work from such an untalented student. Needless to say that I will report this to the Headmistress and the Minister of Magic himself!”

And with that he nodded his adieu and left.

 

An awkwkard silence fell between the four remaining wizards and Billie. Everyone, except for Snape, was trying their best to avoid her, and Billie herself couldn’t wait to pack her bag and leave. 

She had had enough of this. The only thing she wanted to do now was to get her certificate, which she would receive during the Graduation ceremony two days later, and leave this place forever. 

But then a dark corner of her mind told her that she might not even be invited to that ceremony in the first place. As things stood at present, she was going to fail in her Potions exam and her NEWTS essay, which probably meant that she was going to have to do it all, the whole seventh year, all over again… some part of it for the third time even!

Her eyesight got blurred, due to the tears that had come into her eyes. But before she could brush them away, the double doors burst open and Draco Malfoy came rushing in. 

“Professor Snape! Professor Snape, please…” he gasped as he ran towards the long table where Snape was already rising to his feet, “You are urgenlty requested at the Headmistress’ office”. 

“Why is that, Draco?” asked Snape, looking concerned.

“Potter has been caught in her office- together with Weasley and the Granger girl. I’m sorry, sir, but Professor Umbridge insists that you come straight away”. 

Snape nodded, but just before he followed Malfoy out of the Great Hall, he cast a glance at Billie and held her gaze for a while 

There was something intimate in his look, as if he wanted to send her a very personal message, but Billie couldn’t tell exactly what it was, because he was gone before she had had the time to interpret the expression in his eyes.


	11. Part I Chapter 11

11

 

Dumbledore sank down in his chair, looking exhausted. The lines in his old face had become more pronounced; the usual twinkle in his eyes had died out and seeing him hanging, rather than sitting, there, with hunched shoulders and trembling hands made him look every year of his advanced age. 

“The children have been very lucky that you sent us all to the Ministry, Severus. I do not dare to think about the consequences if they had been there alone”. He met the younger man’s gaze. “They would all have been killed”. 

“Did the Dark Lord hear the prophecy?”. 

“No… It broke before he arrived”.

Snape nodded. “And Potter?” he asked.

“Neither did Harry… “said Dumbledore quietly, “… but I have told him”.

The black eyes grew slightly wider. 

“So he knows”, said Snape softly.

“Yes,” sighed Dumbledore, “He knows”. And then his light-blue eyes met Snape’s and he held the younger man’s gaze for a while. “I did <i>not</i> mention you in that context,” he added emphatically, “I did not think that was relevant”. 

Snape tore his gaze away from the Headmaster’s. 

“And Black was killed?”, he asked, in an effort to change the subject.

“Yes. By Bellatrix”.

“His own niece…” said Snape, “Ah well… Not that this makes any difference to Potter… He acts as if I have personally seen to that myself”

“You have done well, Severus,” said Dumbledore, “And I should ask you to be patient with Harry. Unless he knows the truth, he will never realise how much he is indebted to you”. 

Snape’s head shot back towards the Headmaster in alarm. “You will not tell him, Dumbledore!” he said threateningly,”I will not have it. You promised!”. 

“I won’t,” said Dumbledore soothingly, “Forgive me, Severus. I am merely sentimental. I wished I could be open with the boy so that he would appreciate the enormous sacrifices you are making for him. But I have made a promise to you and I will keep myself to it”.

Snape inwardly let out a sigh of relief and stood up.

“Thank you”, said Dumbledore, looking up at him. It grieved him to see the troubled frown on the younger man’s face, especially with Harry’s reproaching words still ringing in his ears. “It seems so unjust that only you and I …”

“There is no other way…” Snape interrupted him, flashing his eyes ominously, and then legged it for the door.

“Oh, one more thing, Headmaster,” he said just as he was about to leave.

“What is it, Severus?”

Snape hesitated for a second. Was it appropriate to bring this up?But then, he recalled what had happened in the Great Heall and his fury got the upper hand again “Now that you have been reinstated, I wonder if you could look into Billie Matthews’ case”. 

“Miss Matthews?” asked Dumbledore, genuinely interested. “Why? What has happened to her?”.

“She has crudely been treated by Leo Leering during her NEWTS examinations”. 

“Ah”.

“Yes… he deliberately failed her, both during the examination and when she presented her essay”. 

“Because of her ancestry?”.

Snape nodded. 

“We cannot let this happen”, said Dumbledore, “How did the other members of the jury like her work?”

“They were positively impressed… naturally”. 

“And so were you,” smiled Dumbledore, “And I trust your judgement, Severus. Miss Matthews is worth all the praise you have given her lately, and she must be awarded the results she deserves. Very well. Leave it with me” But then, his smile faded, “Although it is sad that I should be doing this. It seems justice is rapidly disappearing from our world”.

“I am aware of it,” said Snape, “His influence is growing every day. And I shall warn her once more. Even if she graduates with the marks she deserves, they will not help her very much. I do not think she will be offered many job opportunities”.

Dumbledore nodded. 

There wasn’t much to be said anymore, and so Severus turned to leave. 

 

“I have received an invitation to the Graduation ceremony,” said Billie. 

Her voice still sounded as even as it had been since her disastrous Potions NEWTS, but there was a hint of surprise in it, “So that means I passed, right?”

“Of course you passed,” said Emily, “Come one, Billie! They couldn’t have failed you. Not after all the work you’ve done!”. 

“I suppose they took that into account, then,” said Billie, “My interest during class and things”. 

“What else did you expect? Of course they did! They always do. They don’t want students to do that seventh year all over again. Unless you’re a complete idiot of course”. 

It wasn’t fair… the way they had treated her. Emily, and all of their friends knew that Billie hadn’t been given a fair chance, purely because she was muggle-born.

“Besides,” added Emily, “it was only one member of the jury who failed you. Surely, his vote only counted for one fourth of the result?”

“We’ve been there, Emily,” sighed Billie wearily, “And I have told you before, I don’t think so. He’s one of Umbridge’s buddies and a high Ministry official. If he thinks Muggles should be chucked out of this place, he’ll do it”. 

“Yes, well… you’ve obviously passed and now you have to think about the ceremony! That’s the most important thing. So what are you going to wear?”

“My uniform, of course”, said Billie, sounded very little enthusiastic.

“I don’t think so, lady. We’re supposed to dress up”. 

“Are we? “asked Billie, “Oh. Well, I don’t know then. It’s scorching hot outside. We’d better wear bikinis”.

 

But she didn’t. She was looking fresh and cute in a sleeveless summer dress and medium-heeled pumps, with her beautiful hair tied up in a long pony tail, no doubt to protect herself from the heat.

From a remote corner of the decorated classroom fifteen, Snape stood watching her. She was clearly ill at ease. She had walked in with Emily Wildsmith just a few moments before, and was now fumbling with her glass of sparkling wine, while she casted nervous glances around.

Her eyes travelled through the room and as she caught sight of the staring man in the corner, she hesitated, and looked away to meet her friend’s gaze. 

“Go on…” Emily urged her, “Talk to him”. 

“Sure?”

“Yep”. 

“But I haven’t got anything to say. I only know I passed with distinction because it’s mentioned on my certificate”. 

“You could ask how you did in Potions, for example,” said Emily with a meaningful glance at Snape, “Come on. He’s waiting for you now… and you’d better go, cos it’s getting embarrassing. He’s been watching us ever since we came in”. 

“All right…” said Billie, “Wish me luck…”

 

“Miss Matthews,” he said as she came to stand in front of him.

“Professor”. 

He took a moment to study her. She really looked nervous. He wondered if she was worried about her results or just uncomfortable in his presence. 

“You did very well,” he said, and when he saw a muscle twitch in the corner of her mouth he added, “I mean it. Your potion was perfect and your presentation – indeed your whole essay - a masterpiece”.

She wasn’t convinced, though. She kept looking at him as if he was trying to make her believe that Father Christmas was his aunt.

“Would you like me to show you the details?”

“Do you have them?”

“Yes, but not here. You know that they are to be sent by owl and that I am not supposed to hand them to you personally”. 

He cast a glance at the other side of the room, where Dumbledore stood chatting with Angelina Jones.

“Meet me in my office in an hour,” he said, “I have a few words to say to you and now is not the right time, I think. Do you think you could come?”

She nodded. 

“Good”. 

And with a curt nod he turned away from her and left the room. 

 

 

 “Outstanding??”

With her mouth open in astonishment and eyes wider than he had ever seen before, she looked up from the roll of parchment he had handed to her. “But… but how is that possible, sir? I received a <i>Poor</i>!”. 

“Mister Leering’s score was not taken into account,” said Snape.

Billie sank down on the edge of his desk behind her. “But… I don’t understand. You all agreed with him, didn’t you?”

“Being a Ministry official does not automatically give one an entrance ticket to official examinations at Hogwarts”, said Snape. “I took the liberty of looking into Mr Leering’s files, and I found my suspicions confirmed therein: Leering has no academic qualifications whatsoever. He graduated from here about twenty years ago, with very disappointing marks, especially in Potions, and the only reason why he was present during your examination was on the Headmistress’ invitation. Well, as you know, Dolores Umbridge has been removed from Hogwarts and Professor Dumbledore reinstated. That being the case, we saw no reason for us to take Leering’s score into account anymore… And I have to admit…” he added, “I have rarely been so pleased with a student’s results”. 

 “Thank you, sir,” The beaming smile he received from her almost made up for all the trouble Potter and Voldemort had caused him in the last two days.

She rolled up the piece of parchment and handed it back to him. “For everything”, she added, “I owe you an awful lot”. 

Snape merely smiled but didn’t comment. A strange silence suddenly fell between them.

But Billie didn’t feel like going away yet. There were still so many things she wanted to discuss with him and ask him. It seemed so strange that, in just a few minutes, she’d be walking out of this office and his life forever.

 “I erm… I read the article in the Prophet,” she finally said, “It seems the Ministry’s eyes have finally opened. I suppose that means that we’re stronger now”. 

“Stronger, yes, but definitely not out of danger…” he said, “… on the contrary, I should say. The Minister of Magic’s statement is not saying anything, and furthermore, it has come far too late”. 

He caught her worried glance. “But there is still hope,” he added, “And today is not the day when you should be worrying about this. Have you decided what you are going to do next?”

Billie shook her head. 

“Why not?”

She sighed. “It was my dream to become a Potions Master, but after my NEWTS I know that I can’t do that anymore, definitely not under your mentorship”. 

“Because of the present situation?”

“Yes”.

He sighed and a certain softness appeared in the eyes that settled on her. 

“As you know, I cannot deny that, Billie,” he said, “And I deeply regret it. My advice would once again be to go back to Oxford to study with your father. You will be safe there, and you will learn things that will definitely help you in your future career, should you still have the ambition to study Potions afterwards”.

Billie nodded. The excitement she had previously felt when she had seen her marks was gradually being replaced by a strange feeling of sadness. The prospect of having to leave the protection of this castle and step into the big world felt a lot less attractive now than it had done one or two years before. 

Apart from that, she also felt she couldn’t cut all the ties with this school anymore. It wouldn’t be right. 

“Sir…  should the occasion arise… I mean…” How were you supposed to tell someone, a teacher even, that you wanted to stay in touch, without sounding too desperate… or indecent.

But having a highly-skilled Legilimiens in front of you could be helpful sometimes.

“You can of course contact me if you need any information related to Potions,” said Snape, “But I must ask you to be very careful in your communication”. 

“I know,” said Billie, a little embarrassed. Having someone read your thoughts also left you exposed, of course. “I will do my utmost to not put you in a difficult position”. 

“Very well…” He straightened and extended his hand towards her. His fingers felt cool and reassuring, “I believe it is high time you went back to the graduation party. Goodbye, Billie. I wish you the best of luck in your future career”. 

“Thank you, sir”. 

“But you have to work on your defensive skills,” he said, as he released her hand and gave a wave with the roll of parchment, “An <i>Acceptable</i> is not good enough in these times”. 

“I know… “, she said, “I had only just joined Harry’s DA when it was stopped by Umbridge… And I have never been a great fan of the subject in the first place”. 

“Knowing the sad lot that has taught you in the last years, I cannot blame you”. 

“No… “ she agreed, “And I don’t think I will easily fill the gaps in my knowledge either. I have no idea who could teach me in the first place”. 

“You could start by practising with friends”.  

“Perhaps…” said Billie and she sent him a playful smile, “But I think I’d rather run away or disapparate than stand and fight. I think it will be safer for me to work on those skills in the first place”. 

Snape chuckled, but his face immediately took an expression of concern again. 

“No matter what you do, always make sure to be on your guard, Billie. It is the only advice I can give you for the next months or even years”. 

“Thank you, sir,” she looked down on her folded fingers, “I will. And… and you should be careful too” She met his slightly surprised look and gave him a sad smile, “You know… when you’re busy… doing things”.

“The best protection you can give me is by keeping the things you have learnt about me for yourself,” he said, sounding a little apprehensively.

“Of course,” she promised him. “I have never discussed your position with anyone, apart from Fred, and even with him I hardly did more than express the trust I have in you”. 

“This is already too much, Billie” warned Snape, “You are not supposed to have trust in me. I know that you do, and it gives me great pleasure, having asked you myself to do so at one point, but please do not bring me up in your discussions again. The more our world sees evidence of my aversion to muggle-borns, the better”. 

“I see,” nodded Billie. “But it is so difficult not to defend you, at times”. 

“I do not really need to be defended,“ he said dryly. “But thank you anyway”. 

She gave him another one, and probably the last, of her heartwarming, dazzling smiles. 

“Well, I’ll be off then,” she said, “Aren’t you going back to the party?”

“No. I will stay here”. 

“Ah, OK. Goodbye then, sir”. 

“Goodbye”. 

But as she closed the door behind her, the smile froze on her face and her throat tightened into a painful nod. 

What she would love to do most of all was having a very good and long cry. 

But this was not the best moment for it, so she hurried back to the graduation party and decided to have a large drink instead.

 

END OF PART I


End file.
